Hahaha ... I guess he decided to put me to the test... of course he didnot reply 2 days since I sent him my invitation msg and still no reply ...somehow I did expect it I guess... in usual cases I would have followed it with an angry reply of you don't need to answer or any other angry reply which could escalate and make me the wrong person... usually his is very politically correct and would never send a msg in anger... anyway I felt light and powerful for being able to send it anyhow and not being scared or rejection...but thinking deeply why would anyone receive a nice invitation msg and not reply... well he could be involved with someone... I have no idea if there is someone but in sept he said no and we didnot see anything to suggest... he could be financially very bad ... which I know as a fact.. when we were in sept he didnot have 100 in his wallet and he was working like a dog ... paying bills ... or not interested... kids asked him about his back and he told them he still need the operation soon ... anyway whatever his issue is he need to find his voice and speak up ... until then I am not going to pick a fight because sometimes that is what he wants to relief his guilt feelings if he is having them... well will continue to wait and see if he ever will come back to me ... i wonder how he sees himself st the moment... he used to have very high views about himself... that he doesnot retaliate like I do sometimes... one day he told me he has a lot of patience ...and he is willing to wait until other party kills it... so passive aggressive... well will see who has more patience this time...even if we decided to leave each other I will not make it easy for him to feel goo about it ... by acting decent and with values and hopefully no truth darting ... not easy but I keep reminding my self of my plan ... will keep u posted if he ever pops up again or not ...
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
Just leave him be. There could be any number of reasons why he hasn't responded, but we can read his mind and trust me, you wouldn't want to be in his head right about now. Don't send any more messages...why? Because that is what the old Lana would do. Do a 180 and not send anything to him...stay quiet and calm and when he does respond, treat him as you would a neighbor.
Keep the focus on you and your family. Leave him in God's hands. When he's ready, he'll contact you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hello No contact for a week now... what does that mean ... can't he be civilized and just say I can't come with you guys... why does he need to be mean... I find it weird .. he used to always say "if I am in pain no need to have others in pain " what a distorted views he has... he is so much in his head .. or maybe just having fun... I try to look at positive all the time but yo be realistic he didnot talk to me and kids for last 3 months just st some lousy text msg ... what father could do that ... maybe he just doesnot want to be a father nor a husband I guess ...maybe we are better off without him... there is no sane individual who can explain this attitude ... is he punishing me or himself... sometimes I felt he wish I fail I feel it is sick but I have that feeling of him wishing me to fail sometimes ...can u direct me to some stitches with similar situation or abandoning and limited communication to read...
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
Just thinking ... is he worth standing for ... am I in La la land .. what if he run again later what if this is MO ... he used to be a good father and a good husband but what if he really changed ... what if this is the new H ... I am sure I don't want this...what if he never goes back to himself.. he is so secretive .. I never know what he is thinking.. anyway not planning to contact him anymore when he feels he has a family he can call us otherwise it is better to not consider that he exist .. thanks for letting me vent out at least I will not call and give him piece of my mind now....
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
The past is gone, you have the gift of the present....use it wisely, the future is not ours to see at this time. It will unfold when it's ready.
You can't predict what he will or will not do in the future. Heck, it's difficult enough trying to analyze his every move or statement in the present time. You have no control over him...but you do have control over what you do w/your life. You have control over how you react to his behavior.
If you are asking yourself the question of whether he's worth standing for, etc., then you aren't ready to pull the plug on the marriage. Obviously the two of you loved each other pre-crisis and now he's orbiting the earth searching for himself. Let me ask you this...if your h was in a coma and you didn't know what the outcome would be, would you pull the plug on the marriage the first year or so or would you be willing to continue living your life and continue to pray for him and that he would wake up?
Just remember...you will know when you are ready to pull the plug on your marriage...but I don't think you are there at this time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you job I really appreciate your support ... I know I have to focus on me and my kids and somehow I feel stuck waiting for him to wake up....maybe it is because I am living at my mom house but honestly she is making everything she can to make us comfortable ... I hate it when people ask me about him ...especially for the holiday season will we be with him or r we meeting him or so... I have not shared much with anyone except of financial difficulties and some depression....I can tell they all have questions in their eyes.... I agree with you I am not there yet to pull the plug... I am stronger and will not contact him for sure but will stand still I guess hoping I suppose. Thank you so much , I really appreciate what you do. I feel you are my inner voice talking to me when I stray a bit..... have a great day ahead.
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
Hi I had a chat with my mom . Well she asked my assessment and wether I think this is all a result of him having finance issues .. well although she loved him as a son she is amazed with his way of acting leaving his family not calling and minimal contact. Apparently in her opinion he just want out but will stay dark until I request legal separation . And since he is living on his own he is not affected...I hope I am not kidding my self but I do believe he is a good person. Yes he is coward to take a step to resolve marriage but .... anyway I said I want to wait until he contact me then discuss. When he has the courage to do that and one day he will ( hopefully) then will figure out. I am just letting him go ... she said my father (who passed away begining of this year)would have advised me to be patience and not do anything from anger . As for us staying with her she feels thatGod has sent us to her to get over his loss. She thinks my kids are doing fine and not that much affected somehow they got used to his absence I guess.
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
Hi.. so no news since last post 10 days ago... no questions about our travel orang comment... every day passes by I feel I detach more cause I am certain that between his arrogance ego shame and guilt he can never escape the box he put himself in. To keep myself from going forward I would remember an incident to verify my feeling that there is nothing good that can come from him now... i think I use the anger to continue my course either a good M life or none... I looked at some of the stories and one thing in common I found and that was mlc if they decide to come back only when the lbs stand solid and completely let the rope...it seems in the early stages the lbs need to stay nice and move on sleepy keeping dots open but when you hey completely detach and move on Mlc would start noticing ... anyway I think I reached a stage whereby if H I wants a family then he need to work for it... if not we are doing fine without him .
M 45 H 45 D1 12 D2 9 BD 04/14 Living two different state Not officially separated
A very positive update Lana_71. I hope you and D12/D9 are getting right into the Christmas spirit!
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
