W is starting to spend time with D30 without OM now. D30 can't stand him and thinks he is fake. OM knows how D30 sees him and isn't comfortable around her.
So what do I do if W shows up at grandson6 BB games? I usually sit with D30 at the games.
M 8 yrs EA 6/16 PA 09/16 Separated 10/16 WW moves out 11/16 D Filed 11/16, Hearing 05/08/17
I guess what I'm asking now is.. What do I do when W approaches me in public or at D30 house and starts asking me questions?
D30 is planning on moving in with me when I buy a house in 5 months so she can save money. It was her idea and I like being around family now that they are my priority.
M 8 yrs EA 6/16 PA 09/16 Separated 10/16 WW moves out 11/16 D Filed 11/16, Hearing 05/08/17
Better yet, just let her be totally and get on with your life. Cheating is an absolute despicable - and worst - thing a spouse can do to another. Don't roll over. Don't do anything. Stand up and move on.
Thanks Jeep74, I agree with you but if there is a way to reconcile I am willing to give it a go. Not an easy road I know and His will be done.
M 8 yrs EA 6/16 PA 09/16 Separated 10/16 WW moves out 11/16 D Filed 11/16, Hearing 05/08/17
W Why can't you even talk to me? Why can't you be my friend anymore? I just dont understand why you choose to abandon me. Knowing you were the only thing I could trust. As a person I at least deserve to know why.
Me It is him or me and you chose him.
W I wish you all the best with whoever you are talking too. I hope u make her very happy.
Me No reply......!
Thats good that you didnt reply.
I do have some caution about the kinds of words you used in your reply though. To me, thats putting blame and pressure on her. Im not sure ultimatums are very effective if your goal is to reconcile.
To me, it is better to state your position about YOU instead of about her. For example, "Im not interested in being friends with you while you are in a relationship with another man." There is nothing there which she can argue or dispute. It's about you putting a fence around what you will or wont accept.
What you wrote is about her. She made XYZ choices so you are responding to them. In my mind, it reads as punishing. But it also reads as leaving lots of room for further discussion.
I guess what I'm asking now is.. What do I do when W approaches me in public or at D30 house and starts asking me questions?
D30 is planning on moving in with me when I buy a house in 5 months so she can save money. It was her idea and I like being around family now that they are my priority.
Im not sure I understand your question.
Id treat her like you would a neighbor that youre slightly acquainted with. Short of friends but north of someone you despise. Like a coworker.
If she starts to go deeper, just say you dont want to discuss XYZ at the moment.
I agree with you but if there is a way to reconcile I am willing to give it a go
That explains everything. Do you have a line in the sand?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
For example, "I'm not interested in being friends with you while you are in a relationship with another man." There is nothing there which she can argue or dispute. It's about you putting a fence around what you will or wont accept.
What you wrote is about her. She made XYZ choices so you are responding to them. In my mind, it reads as punishing. But it also reads as leaving lots of room for further discussion.
Keep your focus on 'I statements', I think.
Thank you Kaizen, I did think my response was a little too "HER" after I sent it. I am still learning this new way of thinking and communicating and welcome your guidance in this process.
I think and I feel are ok?
M 8 yrs EA 6/16 PA 09/16 Separated 10/16 WW moves out 11/16 D Filed 11/16, Hearing 05/08/17
I agree with you but if there is a way to reconcile I am willing to give it a go
That explains everything. Do you have a line in the sand?
D is filed and hearing is 5/8. Is that what you mean by a line in the sand?
No, because you are still willing.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
She wants you as a girlfriend. To be there to assuage her guilt for leaving you for another man.
That's pretty much it. When we were still communicating, W had said something like "I really don't know how I'm going to get through this without you." I don't think she was (intentionally) being cruel with that one, but there's just no way either not break down or get mad at something like that. After my first marriage ended, ex-W was pretty much the same way ("I need you as a friend"). Believe it or not, I was stupid enough to try. I still have nightmares about what happened.
