She seems to be looking for something that she feels is missing in her life. She might not even know what it is. Has she ever expressed to you the desire to have a child?
We had planned on having kids at 27 in our grand plan. When it was brought up, she said she was busy with work and I still had school. I had asked her to see a doctor to make sure everything was ok for kids as she hadn't been in a while and honestly was living an unhealthy lifestyle. As far as I know there was a small chance she couldn't have kids but I told her we'd figure something else out if that was the case. This was all talked about before marriage.
The thing I know is messing with her is "losing" science as a career. Everyone around her knows she spent her whole life working towards it and with a few bad experiences she seems ready to leave it behind. From what I know of her, her current job isn't going to be fulfilling enough eventually, she really isn't making any difference in the world she's peddling dog food to rich people. Things weren't perfect before she switched to the science job and then quit, but after quitting she changed her priorities completely. Family and certain friends are just ignored by her unless she wants something. All she does is work at her job where there isn't room for any more advancement and eat dinner at her table alone on her new schedule.
Together 7 years Married 3 Said she was taking long way home late January Left to get some space 2/19/17 BD 3/1/17 ILYB
Wedding rehearsal last night, hard to get through. Wedding today, no idea how I'm going to do. Feeling pretty weak today, worried I'm going to call her. Grooms family keeps asking where my wife is, why she isn't there. All I can say is she's busy working in Mass. I'm not lying, even if we were still together I highly doubt she could get 2 days off for the wedding, let alone 1.
Together 7 years Married 3 Said she was taking long way home late January Left to get some space 2/19/17 BD 3/1/17 ILYB
Made it through the wedding without calling, I did send a text but it wasn't about the relationship or us. It was a lot of feelings and part of me really wants to write a letter to her just to get it out. I've done this several times and not sent them. I'm still in the place of wanting to show her my changes and not getting any at bats. Getting the job and moving are the only real cards I have left. At least today I don't have to explain to people why she isn't there.
Together 7 years Married 3 Said she was taking long way home late January Left to get some space 2/19/17 BD 3/1/17 ILYB
So, after the wedding which I felt terrible during I decided to go out with a couple people to distract myself. It's been a nice distraction while I went NC. Didn't hear anything form her until tonight she texted to see if we could talk tonight. I called a bit later and she asked about my new job and how I was. End result and point of her wanting to talk was to talk about logistics of moving forward with divorce. She still doesn't use the word.
During the conversation she talked about how it's been "hard on her too". That honestly pi@@ed me off. It's hard on her? She made the decision to leave, to take her ring off so quickly, to not give counseling a chance, to not give the relationship a couple months and see what changes can be tried. You don't get it both ways. You don't get to say how hard it is to leave but not give a real reason. You don't get to say how hard it is but when anyone suggests counseling you say you are "fine".
Move out date is now set for early August. Not sure where I'm going yet. Just get more angry every time a life event happens and she's not there. She's still avoiding her friends and family, working more than anything else.
Together 7 years Married 3 Said she was taking long way home late January Left to get some space 2/19/17 BD 3/1/17 ILYB
During the conversation she talked about how it's been "hard on her too". That honestly pi@@ed me off. It's hard on her? She made the decision to leave, to take her ring off so quickly, to not give counseling a chance, to not give the relationship a couple months and see what changes can be tried. You don't get it both ways. You don't get to say how hard it is to leave but not give a real reason. You don't get to say how hard it is but when anyone suggests counseling you say you are "fine".
This sounds like it could have been written about my wife. There was someone else, with my wife. Just wondering whether that could be the missing reason here.
Originally Posted By: giftd
She's still avoiding her friends and family, working more than anything else.
Why is she avoiding them? Could she be ashamed of something? Do you know for a fact that she is working as much as she says she is?
Just thinking.. That's all. Glad to hear from you.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
She is working a lot because she's working at the same place. It's possible that she works less than she had been the past few months but they expect 60 hours from her minimum and she usually ends up with 80+ according to her family.
As for someone else, it's something that has been discussed by my counselor. She has a female boss that is a lesbian and they had what would qualify as an emotional affair. Any attempt to breach the subject was dismissed. I don't believe it's physical but it's factor regardless.
She seems to be avoiding anyone who questions her decisions. I have limited information though as I'm not actively asking around.
Yes, I did get that job. I'm nervous and excited for it. Leaving the kids I work with has been emotional on top of all this.
Together 7 years Married 3 Said she was taking long way home late January Left to get some space 2/19/17 BD 3/1/17 ILYB
Giftd, Just from where I'm standing, looking into your thread, (and I know this is NOT what you would want me to say..... and I may be totally wrong- I hope I am....), but it looks to be a very real possibility that there is OM OR OW. I would bet some $ on all those hours she is clocked in, are not all being spent on work. Just be aware, and again, I hope I am wrong.
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
Giftd, Just from where I'm standing, looking into your thread, (and I know this is NOT what you would want me to say..... and I may be totally wrong- I hope I am....), but it looks to be a very real possibility that there is OM OR OW. I would bet some $ on all those hours she is clocked in, are not all being spent on work. Just be aware, and again, I hope I am wrong.
It's a possibility that there's an emotional affair that happened. Physical would eat her up inside until she said something. This may be a way for her to justify moving into physical but it's still not allowed at the company and the boss has rejected other employees advances before because of these rules. I dunno, not going to think too much about it.
Together 7 years Married 3 Said she was taking long way home late January Left to get some space 2/19/17 BD 3/1/17 ILYB
