Okay, my understanding of the 180 is that it is a measure to startle the WAS out of their A Fog.
It MAY do that but I would suggest it is more to protect YOU. The rest is all correct.
True, it gives you a plan, and to an extent returns a balance of power. IMO
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
[/quote]Hopefully I answered that above, but the bottom line is whether it matters to you. If you found out there isn't an A, what would your approach be? If there is an A, would it be different? [/quote]
All good points. The answer is I don't know at this point. As long as I am not sure, I guess there is a chance. I remember one session in MC that the counselor asked, If you catch her again will you stay? I said no. Up until that question I was dead set on fix'n it.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
My question that I haven't found from reading these many Newcomer threads is this. If I still suspect there is some type of A going on, should I proceed as if there is or just a WAW until my suspicions are confirmed?
Hello RR17,
I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.
There isn't a one size fits all answer to your questions. Little compares to the devastation people feel when they discover their spouse has been unfaithful. Couples often struggle to get past intense emotional pain, mistrust, resentment and never ending arguments about the betrayal. Healing from infidelity is achievable for both of you with the right support and tools.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy
Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Okay, Tuesday in my sitch I told how she said we should just file if I was unwilling to move out S. Not hostel. Her brother is an attorney and plan was to call him the next day. Two days later and I've heard nothing.
Should I bring it up?
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
During all this counseling, she finally stopped and things got better. Several apologies etc. Several of the problems that were discovered were never really worked out. Communication on her part. Her personal baggage etc. I had my share too.
What personal baggage are you referring to? What about communication, what are the problems there? These sound like some very serious issues that you just kind of breezed past. Usually when someone engages in an EA they are doing it because something is missing in the M. What do you think she was getting out of an EA that she was missing in the M? How can you do a 180 on that?
The issues are ones that I discovered reading countless books etc. She has never been a good communicator. I remember early on in our relationship asking what are you thinking only to hear"nothing". I was the "Performer" and she the "Audience" for those familiar with irrelationship. I had the ideas and the opinions and she always went along. She was repressing her feelings and after awhile that doesn't work. As for the EA he was in the next state and they had a couple of plans to meet. All that fell through. As for me? Well, I needed to become a better listener and had some residue from a fallen real estate market that hit me hard. At the time things never seemed that bad but in retro, I know they were. I only breezed by because I am living in the now and it is crisis mode.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Advice needed: I haven't been available for dinner the last few night since BD. We usually go out as a family on Fridays.
Should I bring up that I would like to go to dinner together tomorrow?
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
