Going through divorce #4

[lcause]

Is it normal that I would rather like to see their R dying and then laugh at her/rub it in her face than actually hoping for the R to die to get back together?

I don't know if I really want to be with her anymore. I'm obviously angry and hurt but what would there even be in an R with her anymore? I don't want to DB anymore. Not GAL or self improvement obviously, but being a friendly neighbor, validating and that jazz. She made her choice. She didn't give me the gift of time.

I'm going to start the real being mysterious aka dating when I get the new job and continue my self growth. There is no better GAL than to have sex and boost self confidence by hooking up with different girls. It might be pathetic at first but it's a skill that has to be practised

[lcause]

On her face. Sometimes I wish this board would have an edit button.

[Btrow]

Is it normal that I would rather like to see their R dying and then laugh at her/rub it in her face than actually hoping for the R to die to get back together?

I don't think it is uncommon to want the A to end, but I'm not sure many want to rub it in WW's face, even if the LBS don't want to reconsile. I want my XW's A to end as much as the next guy, but it goes against my nature to stomp on people lying down, so I'll just do my happy dance when I'm alone

[lcause]

I spent the weekend away in another town and caught the flu. I guess different viruses going, lol. Summer flu is the worst one... I'm in fever with a runny nose so I've been lying on my bed pretty much the whole day. I can't even meditate and my thoughts are drifting because I can't do anything or go anywhere.

I guess I fear their R lasting. I don't see the OM as a good step-father, maybe it is some kind of a subconscious thing. But just for some reason I can't get it to my head what kind of a man would do this. Sorry ladies, but I don't think breast-feeding hormones going haywire tired married woman a mere months after giving birth is really attractive (obviously just temporary!) but I think that's my moral compass or subconscious, or rather primal instinct, speaking. This is why I keep wondering... Doesn't sound like a proper role model for my kids. Oh well, what do I know? Maybe he is an alpha male and a good guy. I know this is useless speculation but it just keeps harassing me, mostly because this man is going to be with my D&S (when he's older) eventually.

Maybe I'm still hanging on the hope of their R dying and my XW eventually finding myself as the better choice. I still love her... But I'm ok without her now. I've seen that by taking action and directing my thoughts I can be just fine. I think if I didn't have a baby this would be much easier for me.

[lcause]

Argh, someone please pull me out of this. I'm feeling so angry that I'm borderline texting her some super angry messages. I feel so disrespected and bad today. Why?!?!

I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. But seriously, it hurts. But I really do see the situation in the sense that I deserve someone better. I deserve a fulfilling life, not someone like this. How could someone who was so nice turn out to be like this?

ffs. I'll go make a salmon salad for myself or something else to get over this feeling.

[LH19]

Icause,

It's part of the stages of grief. Anger is one of them. Feel it but don't act on it.

Stay strong my friend! You are very young and have a full life ahead of you.

[lcause]

Thanks LH19. You're correct. The best revenge is success in life, not the short-living good feeling you get from talking others down. Only insecure people do that. Thanks again. I think this highish fever is messing my head right now, I haven't been this angry yet. I don't think I will be anymore either.

I guess I'm just trying to validate my thoughts about the OM - that he isn't this alpha male, perfect match for my XW. Although I have to realize my morals aren't universal.

I'm so frustrated to be ill. Exercising is futile. My power levels are so down... but after DB process I've been addicted to exercising. I. Need. To.

[25yearsmlc]

[quote=lcause]Thanks LH19. You're correct. The best revenge is success in life, not the short-living good feeling you get from talking others down. Only insecure people do that.


Yes true.
People who don't know how to feel good about themselves on their own, tend to want others yanked down to their level. Like crabs in a pot grabbing onto the one climbing out.

Learn to affirm yourself more, and a lot of your life will change and improve.

When you question what the OM sees in your wife, and when you described your w as unattractive b/c she's breast feeding and hormonal, I found myself thinking she probably felt that critical view of her coming from you.

It's hard enough to be pregnant, give birth, recover and nurse. When the father of those children sees the mother of his children as "less than", it cuts deep. Some men think that pregnancy is when a woman is most beautiful, and it's certainly when we are most vulnerable.

I don't condone affairs, but I don't think they are all alike. Given how you see your wife, maybe the OM was just appreciative?


Hope your cold goes away. Take care of yourself.

[25yearsmlc]

PS

I am not defending the affair. I'm just reminding you of the options you have, and changes you have said you want to make, but which you resist mightily.

Change is not easy but your life as it is now, doesn't sound like a picnic either.

You have choice here. You can change your life & steer your ship, or be a passenger the rest of the way...
It is up to you.

((( ))

[lcause]

[quote=lcause]Thanks LH19. You're correct. The best revenge is success in life, not the short-living good feeling you get from talking others down. Only insecure people do that.


Yes true.
People who don't know how to feel good about themselves on their own, tend to want others yanked down to their level. Like crabs in a pot grabbing onto the one climbing out.

Learn to affirm yourself more, and a lot of your life will change and improve.

When you question what the OM sees in your wife, and when you described your w as unattractive b/c she's breast feeding and hormonal, I found myself thinking she probably felt that critical view of her coming from you.

It's hard enough to be pregnant, give birth, recover and nurse. When the father of those children sees the mother of his children as "less than", it cuts deep. Some men think that pregnancy is when a woman is most beautiful, and it's certainly when we are most vulnerable.

I don't condone affairs, but I don't think they are all alike. Given how you see your wife, maybe the OM was just appreciative?


Hope your cold goes away. Take care of yourself.

I didn't mean it this way. I appreciated it, of course. She was pregnant and carried MY son. I'm not attracted to other pregnant women because my compass tells me not to. They have men and I wouldn't do ANYTHING to break a bond between a child and his/her father! Or my instinct. I talked as an outsider, forcing my views how I would see other women. It's ADORABLE, but not particularly ATTRACTIVE. Of course I was attracted to my own wife!

Relationships have parts where people drift more apart and back closer. A lot of stuff just happened at the same time.

What do you mean all affairs aren't alike?

Maybe. Maybe he was but it still grinds my gears. But if you see it like this, maybe I have more self-reflect to do. Maybe I've been focusing on wrong things and she found the true happiness. Maybe he is a good guy and I can relax.