if it makes you feel better to have debated his marriage failures again, then so be it. You do realize this discussion is not new, right? I mean he's heard all this before (to the extent he hears any of it and isn't just tuning out)..
Maybe you can eliminate these or reduce them to one Minute talking points (literally) and stay on message,
or better yet, just not even go there at all.
So back to YOU and your path.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I liked it. If it had been me, there is one word I would have probably changed.
Quote:
That marriages take work and to leave someone a second time while pregnant/with a newborn is so sad sh'tty.
Okay, now that that's out of the way............what's next on the agenda? Is he going to stop coming and going, like you've so politely told him you don't want him there?
Oh, and I've learned something new. You can purchase diamond earrings so you can pawn them in order to pay your lawyer. Ingenious!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Next is we go to court for an emergency hearing for temporary support and custody. I'm not sure if H lawyer mentioned this because when we talked the only thing he said was 'I told my lawyer to keep it peaceful and civil' so I don't know that he's aware we will be going in front of a judge in a couple of weeks.
I'm not sure what HE is going to do next. We ended the conversation where he said he needed a few weeks to move out. He needed to save up. I wanted to tell him to go back to his boss house but I decided not to tell him what to do or where to go just that he needed to go (anywhere but here).
He's nuts. Pawning the earrings... I can't. I laughed when he told Me that. I was a lot nicer and matter of fact during the conversation than I thought I could be.
he won't be back until late Monday night. I'm pretty sure I'm going to change the locks. I just want to call my lawyer and make sure if I change the locks and let's say he calls the police that it's considered civil and they won't do anything.
I'm not sure what to do on that end. The way he talked the other night convinced me he had previously not had an intention of moving out because he said he would have to start saving and that we had a lot of bills to worry about with having two households. I think I wrote that already. But my reply was it's not WE ... you have to figure it out. This is all what you wanted so you need to make it happen.
Got pictures of H at the concert and pictures of him and one of the OW kissing at the concert and she's wearing some sparkly diamond earrings.
I just packed all his [censored] and changed the front door locks. I'm going to leave all his stuff in the truck at the airport where he's parked. Welcome back buddy!
First off, I am sorry you had to see those pictures. Even when we know it is happening, the hard evidence is still tough to handle.
Funny story? Well, at least funny now. Thenight my ex dropped the bomb, I left the house with my 6 month old daughter to go live with my dad and stepmom. I lived there for 2 and a half months, but my job was still in another state, so we agreed in between 2 night shifts, I would sleep at the house and he would go to his sisters. One day I saw a fed ex envelope with our tax stuff in it, so I took it out and out fell a card. One that played the song "Let's get it on" and had written in "love "H". This is how I discovered the affair. A few months prior for V-day I had gotten ex a card that played our wedding song. I left both of them on the kitchen counter. Oh and I promptly changed "H" to "WHORE" in the card. Did he try to deny it? Of course. this was 5 weeks after the bomb and he tells me "did you expectme not to date?" and I said, "In LOVE in 5 weeks?" he said "oh, yeah, well, she's going a little over board."
I can laugh at this story now. And he is married to "H" for 6 years now.
I absolutely say you tape it to the steering wheel and say "don't come home".
My ex's story was just aas crazy as buying diamond earings to pawn. Because we all know pawning gets you about the 3rd of the original value.
I am proud of you. I know how difficult this is, I have been there. I know you are probably sick of hearing you deserve so much better, but oh man do you. And he deserves exactly what he is going to get.
Sorry, T, but you now know (and can prove) that he is a liar about both OW and the earrings. No need to snoop more - that's enough. If his lips are moving right now etc.
And please remember two things: - your H is a cowardly idiot - you are a queen and way too good for the man he is now
Are you in a no-fault state for D?
Me: 53 H:38 T:20 M:14 BD ILYB etc 10/15, H diagnosed severe depression S 1/16 PA 4/16 H filed 1/17
Got pictures of H at the concert and pictures of him and one of the OW kissing at the concert and she's wearing some sparkly diamond earrings. ouch...where were these pictures? My h posted on HIS fb page about the "love of his life" OW, maybe 2 months or less, after we separated. He changed the date of when they met to the day after I filed for divorce...(which now makes me shrug & laugh).
However, if you can step back for just a minute and see how poorly those pictures show your h to be, you can detach a little faster.
I'm not just trying to console you. I say from experience that my h embarrassed himself and my kids will never see their dad in the same light and our mutual friends, from what I can tell, don't either. Several of them messaged me in private, including his 2 bffs and their wives - and the 2 bff's are not in contact with each other -one was his college roomate and the other was his classmate. So that's 2 unrelated people who love H, who reached out to me. I believe a lot of others felt similarly but don't know me well enough to reach out. Which is fine.
T3, take 2 minutes and do an exercise to see my point.
1) Imagine YOU meet a great guy tomorrow morning. We'll say he moves next door to you. Let's say he's attractive and warm and gainfully employed!! (We have standards for God's sake!)
He looks great and is warm and friendly. So Imagine how slowly YOU would take the r.
2) Imagine the time it would take for you to discover he's got a lot of desirable behaviors and the more you get to know him, the more certain you are that he's a great match for you and a good role model for your sons.
3) so, ask yourself How soon would YOU post photos of the two of you kissing? How soon would the new great guy? Several months or a year or two?? (I probably would not dare post any or be tagged for a long long time. And I've been sep now for 9-10 months. IF I met Mr.RIght tomorrow, I would not post a single picture of my "new r" until well after the divorce was finalized...
And ^^^ THAT is my point. I'm not a teenager loudly announcing to the world that I have a new boyfriend!! Christ, d20 told me SHE would not do that!
So, objectively speaking, Your h is behaving like a fool.
As my late French mother would say, (swats air and gesticulates) "well HE'S a jerk from jerk town! Au revoir!"
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
ouch...where were these pictures? My h posted on HIS fb page about the "love of his life" OW, maybe 2 months or less, after we separated. He changed the date of when they met to the day after I filed for divorce...(which now makes me shrug & laugh).