For nearly 2 weeks now W acts like nothing ever happened. No BDs, no talk of D. I think that she believes that breaking down and offering up that she had been through a lot recently was an adequate explanation.
This action from your W is the preferred action from waywards. In other words, she does not have to apologize or give an humilitating account and answer her H's questions, nor repent for her terrible betrayal and disrespect of her H..........or humbly ask for his forgiveness. She does not subject herself with discussions of choosing therapy or some other unpleasant route in repairing the damages she has caused. She prefers to give the most lame excuse she can offer, and be on good behavior for a short while.........deceiving her H by acting as if nothing ever happened, and that they can just pick up where they had left off........before all this had turned ugly.
Lots and lots of problems with that situation.
This is a pseudo reconciliation where the deep issues are swept under the rug. She does not want piecing. She wants to skip it and act as if nothing ever happened. However, her resentment and disrespect is still rampant.
(I'm having trouble with my IPad).
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
For nearly 2 weeks now W acts like nothing ever happened. No BDs, no talk of D. I think that she believes that breaking down and offering up that she had been through a lot recently was an adequate explanation.
This action from your W is the preferred action from waywards. In other words, she does not have to apologize or give an humilitating account and answer her H's questions, nor repent for her terrible betrayal and disrespect of her H..........or humbly ask for his forgiveness. She does not subject herself with discussions of choosing therapy or some other unpleasant route in repairing the damages she has caused. She prefers to give the most lame excuse she can offer, and be on good behavior for a short while.........deceiving her H by acting as if nothing ever happened, and that they can just pick up where they had left off........before all this had turned ugly.
Lots and lots of problems with that situation.
This is a pseudo reconciliation where the deep issues are swept under the rug. She does not want piecing. She wants to skip it and act as if nothing ever happened. However, her resentment and disrespect is still rampant.
(I'm having trouble with my IPad).
Exactly my thought. In fact, that is probably why I back in this boat after the first go-round 3 years ago.
So what is your recommendation?
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Is it possible to go back and edit a post once you catch your mistakes?
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Is it possible to go back and edit a post once you catch your mistakes?
No, sadly you have to make a new post. I wish there was an edit button myself, but there isn't
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
I'm looking for piecing (as I understand it), but she doesn't seem to be heading there. She seems perfectly satisfied staying where we are right now.
I need some closure or at least an idea of where she is.
Without other advice, I believe that I will suggest that we have a talk. Otherwise, I don't believe that she will ever initiate one.
I agree. You need to know where she stands. You need to know, beforehand, what you are willing to accept.....or not accept. In other words, know yourself and where you stand. I think she'll try to slick it over and you may not get much from her......and if you push, she'll either shut down or get mad and storm. I wish you luck.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
For now, I will wait. When the time is right I will have to bring it up. Preferably not in a heated conversation.
I believe she thinks she is trying, and she is at face value.
My girls are going to my sisters this weekend and we have a date Saturday night. I bought tickets to a show and told her. Ask if she was interested. If she had said no, I would have gone with a friend. She was happy to go.
I will look for the right opportunity.
Any advice is appreciated.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
So timing is everything and I didn't find the right moment to have our "You do not get to just glaze over July's behavior" talk.
Reconciliation is going to require more than just excusing your behavior to stressful times.
I plan to discuss how and when is the best way to have this conversation.
As always any recommendations are appreciated.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Make that: "I plan to discuss how and when is the best way to have this conversation in IC, today"
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
