Also; I am going to give our niece a bday gift; I am just mailing money for her College fund. Should I keep my birthday note very short; or can I express my feelings toward my niece in more a sentimental comments?
Also, should I sign the card Uncle, or just my name?
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
Yes, it's totally fine to reach out in circumstances like someone's death. You still care for the person.
About your niece - is this something you have always done? How old is she? I am assuming this niece is on her side of the family? Just asking cuz I am not sure how to handle this.
She is the first niece (first child) on both of our side of the family. Yes, she is her sisters kid. She is turning 1. And it just so happens to land on the day after her dads passing...
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
So this just happened; while I was just home for work...she stopped in the leasing office; then stopped up in the apartment because she had to grab some remaining stuff for her house. She said she did not see my car in the parking lot; so she let herself in. I was in here. we said hello with a hug; she grabbed her couple items.
She asked me about this upcoming weekend; and I told her I was not going to the party; and instead had plans to go to the lake house. I told her I was not sure if I was going to the lake house yet; because my brother is coming into town (which is true). I asked her what her family had planned for the weekend just to keep her talking. I tried to be 'bubbly' but looking back, I must have came off as just same old Chris.
As she was grabbing everything up; and talking I briskly went for the door; as to motion...you can let yourself out now. She said goodbye and I shut the door behind her.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
She asked me about this upcoming weekend; and I told her I was not going to the party; and instead had plans to go to the lake house. I told her I was not sure if I was going to the lake house yet; because my brother is coming into town (which is true).
You should have just left it as I am not going. You don't need to explain the reason why. You have awesome GAL activities planned with your boys!
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I tried to be 'bubbly' but looking back, I must have came off as just same old Chris.
Initial interactions are always tough, don't beat yourself up. I was nervous as h$ll for my first interactions with my W. The more you GAL and gain your confidence the easier they will become. Hit the gym, get jacked, let her get a taste of that.
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As she was grabbing everything up; and talking I briskly went for the door; as to motion...you can let yourself out now.
Why did you do this?
As far as the niece and a birthday gift. IMO I wouldn't do it but it's your call. I didn't invite my W to my birthday party 1 mth after she moved out and I didn't call her brother a few weeks ago when he got married.
Joseph; Yes, as soon as the words were coming out of my mouth; I was thinking...she does not need to know what I am doing...but it happened.
Yes, it was tough to say the least....all the old emotions of love and disappointments sprung to the surface; not to mentioned all of the threads and books I have read flashed in front of my like a Rolodex...haha. I was trying to remember everything and do everything, but it was not that easy.
I am not sure why I did that...it wasn't like a push you out the door kinda motion; I can tell she was leaving; so I just opened the door for her and shut it right behind her. I remember something I read in the DB about ending the conversation on your own terms. So in my mind that was me ending the conversation.
Do I need to say anything about her showing up? Do I need to set that boundary right now? Like "please next time you are thinking about coming over let me know; so I am not surprised" or something like that?
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
Joseph; Yes, as soon as the words were coming out of my mouth; I was thinking...she does not need to know what I am doing...but it happened.
It's not big deal just log it for future reference.
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Yes, it was tough to say the least....all the old emotions of love and disappointments sprung to the surface; not to mentioned all of the threads and books I have read flashed in front of my like a Rolodex...haha. I was trying to remember everything and do everything, but it was not that easy.
It's hard but with practice it will get easier. I am not an expert at it by any means but I just try to act normal around my W, happy, confident like I have the world on a string. That is why getting your self-confidence back is so important. When it happens it makes things easier. That is why going dark/nc is effective because it helps you get that control back.
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Do I need to say anything about her showing up? Do I need to set that boundary right now? Like "please next time you are thinking about coming over let me know; so I am not surprised" or something like that?
Does she have a reason to be there? Does it bother you? Are you worried she is going to take your crap, pour mustard all over your clothes or something? My W still has the code to our garage and I have not enforced anything yet. I did separate all of our accounts though and took away her credit card as soon as she moved out. All of our funds are know separate and she pays her own bills.
Do I need to say anything about her showing up? Do I need to set that boundary right now? Like "please next time you are thinking about coming over let me know; so I am not surprised" or something like that?
Absolutely you need to set a boundary that she calls first before coming over!
No; I am not afraid of her ever going after my things; or anything of that nature. I know people might say, "heard that before"...but honest to goodness i know she would never.
It does not bother me; actually I wanted to throw her on my shoulder and take it to the floor.
I told her I was not sure if I was going to the lake or not and the only reason I said it that way was to keep her wondering. But know that I think about it; that might be controlling rather than detaching. I should not have lied about that.
So; now I go back to darkness, like Bane.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
Do I need to say anything about her showing up? Do I need to set that boundary right now? Like "please next time you are thinking about coming over let me know; so I am not surprised" or something like that?
Absolutely you need to set a boundary that she calls first before coming over!
I understand. She did try to text me letting me know she was at the leasing office. But I had not yet responded to those messages. I was vacuuming and before I knew it she walked right in the door. If I were to say something; just set the boundary by asking her to call first or telling her to call first? And explain if not I feel like I do not have my own space at the moment?
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
