For the first time, she showed remorse but more so about what pain she had cause instead of for what she had done.
Guilt, not remorse. WAS's usually do feel guilty, but they feel justified. They feel they are doing what is best for them and for the LBS. They usually don't want to hurt the LBS and often are surprised the LBS is even objecting to breaking up the M. It's not uncommon to hear "but I thought this would make you happy" which is EXACTLY what my XW told me. I mean I get why they think that, it's usually the case that both spouses are unhappy in the M. But I think WAS's tend to misinterpret that as meaning that their spouse wants out of the M too, which is usually not the case.
For the first time, she showed remorse but more so about what pain she had cause instead of for what she had done.
Guilt, not remorse. WAS's usually do feel guilty, but they feel justified. They feel they are doing what is best for them and for the LBS. They usually don't want to hurt the LBS and often are surprised the LBS is even objecting to breaking up the M. It's not uncommon to hear "but I thought this would make you happy" which is EXACTLY what my XW told me. I mean I get why they think that, it's usually the case that both spouses are unhappy in the M. But I think WAS's tend to misinterpret that as meaning that their spouse wants out of the M too, which is usually not the case.
I think that most people try to justify their own actions, although WASs seldom discuss these actions before they make up their own minds.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
In recent months she has assured me that there isn't anybody else. I have tended to believe her. Back last Summer I bought a camera and that was maddening. I now understand how snooping is such a bad idea.
On a day to day basis other than sleeping in the other room and no kisses hello or goodbye. Infrequent sex, she has been in good spirits.
It took me awhile to figure out GAL without seeming intentionally aloof. There is always a desire to connect. To share my day. But most of the time I am reminded and limit my input. It is hard to be genuine and not want to share. To listen and validate and not want reciprocation.
Two current issues that are bothering me. I have noticed that she sometimes repeats stories from work. She never used to do this. She sometimes pointed out that I repeated myself, but for the most part she never did. Does this mean she has someone else she tells hear stories to?
She also informed me that she had a baby shower to attend this Saturday. It seems a little suspicious. Not sure if it is just me or to trust my suspicion. Either way, I am not supposed to care.
Some days I don't.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
I have to admit today has been a difficult day. No particular reason that I can put a finger on.
I am intentional when it comes to not showing any pain.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Struggling with detachment. I texted proposed dinner plans for the next 2 nights. Pursuing?
I must be intentional this weekend. Where I've gotten off track I will get back on.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
W said she had a baby shower to go to. Something seemed suspicious.Lot's of details given. First, it was from 1-3 then it was until 5pm due to traffic. Now W says she expects to be home around 6 because of traffic. It was a drive and she was riding with a group. Our plans to grill for dinner are now shot.
I want to question her. I know I shouldn't.
I checked her browser history. I know I shouldn't.
Lord give me strength.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Snooping doesn't help it's like picking a scab. There is a saying if you snoop you get poop. Meaningless stuff or things you can't explain or deliberate twisty stuff.
Then there is INTEL. That is to know so you can plan for your own future. And once you know then you can never unknow.
There is already one OM. There are strategies you can use, particularly if you know who OM is. Hire a gumshoe, I did that, 25 did that, Pink did a follow, others do chasers, recordings.
Once you know you stop. You have your INTEL.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I had committed not to do so. You're right. I found twisty stuff that I could imagine into who knows what?
I was weak.
The OM was years ago and bla...
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
For months I have felt detached and prepared for whatever. I don't want to be with anyone that doesn't want to be with me.
Tonight she came home. Had a legitimate story and apologized for being late and asked if I wanted to go to dinner.
I am confessing that my feeling of well being has been directly attached to her demeanor. There I said it.
For months I have had a healthy sense of autonomy. Today was different.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
