Have you noticed that not all cheaters are MLC, but everyone who's MLC seems to be cheating? (And yes, I'll admit, being on this forum means that there's a selection bias.) The fact that your spouse is cheating can be a hard pill to swallow, but using MLC to put a sugar coating on infidelity makes the pill go down a little easier.
(I was bored and felt the need to stir the pot...)
to me it seemed she had or could still be having an EA...time will tell...
M:35 W:40 D:24(her first R) D:9 S:8 Grandson: 7 BOMB:Mid June 2017 MARRIED 10yrs
I wonder if at times sending a positive message every few days to my W is detrimental or plants a seed...i see, know and feel her struggle and deep down inside i am a positive person and always have been for me not to feels unnatural...idk...i had a rough night and i couldn't shut off my brain...it took me about 4 hours to finally sleep, so restless...every night its a struggle...for as much as i run or do yoga and get myself physically tired my mind wont let me rest...i can clear my mind intermittently and fill myself with positive thoughts and then it crashes down and i myself go through a roller coaster of light ad dark...Reality is REal and it slams in every night so hard...
M:35 W:40 D:24(her first R) D:9 S:8 Grandson: 7 BOMB:Mid June 2017 MARRIED 10yrs
A friend is someone who knows your song and sings it to you when you've forgotten it yourself.Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.
no reply yet which is strange for her...maybe it struck a chord..
M:35 W:40 D:24(her first R) D:9 S:8 Grandson: 7 BOMB:Mid June 2017 MARRIED 10yrs
i have been away from home for 7 days now and each small interaction with her has been positive so far through text or call...i go back home for 3 in 2 days...i hope the positivism continues...
M:35 W:40 D:24(her first R) D:9 S:8 Grandson: 7 BOMB:Mid June 2017 MARRIED 10yrs
AS....I see your point. So minus the issues you bolded and if they hadn't occurred you then lean more towards MLC???
MLC is tricky business to sort. Some MLCers are really easy to identify because their behavior is so textbook. If you're a 50 y.o. man and dye your hair, buy a sports car and are seen driving around with a big-boobed blonde, spend all your retirement savings on new shoes and spontaneous vacations all while ignoring the family you've had for 30 years, well it doesn't take MWD to know you're in MLC, LOL! But some behavior that people identify with MLC is also consistent with people that are just done with their M. When your long time spouse suddenly starts working out and losing weight, gets a tan and buys new underwear, guess what they're not in MLC, they are just done with you and sprucing themselves up to attract an OP. When I read the threads on the MLC forum I almost always think "wow this person is CRAZY", I mean true MLCers engage in all kinds of bizarre, risky behavior and their mental state is completely inconsistent with who they were before MLC. Like previously thrifty people will spend with wild abandon; previously loyal, conservative people will be dancing nude at sex parties. It's stuff that just blows your mind and makes no sense. What I'm reading here sounds more like "preparing herself to move on" then it does MLC.
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if i may ask...my W DB, turning 40 and acting out doing a 180 on herself, claiming having no identity, no purpose no meaning in her life and her saying she doesn't even know if she loves herself, neglecting the children and not working to go to events and getting addicted to social media and marijuana to ignore and suppress her feelings is a WAW? those were her words and actions...
Here's what you really need to ask: if a woman is in a marriage where her husband is in another city over half the time and leaves her to take care of herself, the home and the children alone; who only sees her H 3 days a week and during those 3 days lives with a cranky, tired and irritated H who does nothing around the house even when he is there but spends all his time working; who feels abandoned by her H; who feels like her traumatic childhood experiences are being repeated by her H; whose H is greedy and selfish; if she decided she was done with that M and needed out, would you blame it on MLC?
What you need to understand is that all of those things you are describing above- no identity, doesn't know if she loves herself, getting addicted to social media, smoking weed to escape, that is her response to being in a miserable, horrible marriage. She wants out. Her previous identity was "Knight's Wife" and now she's struggling with what comes after that. Her coping mechanisms are poor ones to be sure. But that doesn't mean she's in MLC.
And again my point is you've got some hard work to do to save your M. This isn't a matter of "she's in MLC and I need to wait until it's over and then everything will return to normal." It's a matter of fixing all the wrongs. Doing 180's, changing and showing her the changes.
And again my point is you've got some hard work to do to save your M. This isn't a matter of "she's in MLC and I need to wait until it's over and then everything will return to normal." It's a matter of fixing all the wrongs. Doing 180's, changing and showing her the changes.
Thank you Stander, i will focus on the above then...maybe her confusion stems from the change that has transpired in the last two years of me, us and the family compared to how it used to be...and seeing that i am still that guy she married...i have implemented so many changes already and have gone above and beyond to root out my fears, insecurities and pain that made me greedy and selfish to which im still working on...it surely is a process...
M:35 W:40 D:24(her first R) D:9 S:8 Grandson: 7 BOMB:Mid June 2017 MARRIED 10yrs
