reading your updates throughout the tournament was exciting for me. I felt your passion and joy and you were so totally alive. Keep focusing on that feeling. Remember that.
Beta Blockers to help focus? Now that is interesting. I guess slowing down the heart rate can keep you more calm and focused instead of feeling your heart pound out of your chest. Zues, if you ever decide to do that, please do it very carefully, it's a heart med!
Hey Zues. I know you are likely feeling some deflation, but I'm so glad you got a taste of victory too, and that your mind, body and soul got to experience and remember the excitement and dread of competition. This is the igniting of life Zues. They say life happens outside your comfort zone. You moved out of a certain kind of limbo that embraces us all as we work through the losses we have experienced. I hope you get more opportunities to be in this place, where life happens, where healing happens and the brain is open to new ways of thinking and doing.
Still here, still reading, still offering you love and friendship Zues. JellyBxxx
Hi Zues, just dropping by the boards for the first time in a while. Wanted to check in on you. Happy to hear your tournament update, it's wonderful to feel the passion you have for competition. Glad you are experiencing that again.
Great posts and writing Zues! You make the sport really come alive through your words. Writing might be something to consider pursuing? But glad to see that your are back and pursuing your passion. So happy for you, regardless of the win or loss. Your out there!
I was reading over some of my old threads searching for answers, inspiration and not really sure what else, but something. I came across this quote from you on my Hilariously Pleased Thread 18th of January 2016. It made me smile.
"Originally Posted By: Zues126 Self love isn't about changing how you feel about yourself. It's about changing how you feel about how you feel about yourself."
I miss our exchanges, I miss your presence and advice. I always felt protected by you, kind of like the older brother I never had. God you are a million years younger than me too
Yes, pool is back in my life again. I've learned a few things from that trip and have been working on my game. I've never hit the balls any better and have seen signs that my best days are in my future.
The one kind of cool thing that is different is my vision for 2019 keeps getting more and more crisp. In the beginning it was just "I want to be playing well and fire at some tournaments". It grew to me being in better shape, playing 3 or more majors, and playing my best. Well, now I'm starting to hatch an even more clear plan.
Basically if I commit to 10 major events before they start of that year I can put together an overall budget of time and money. Maybe it costs me 15K to play all of those events. But then I can do what they do in poker and put together a package that people can buy into. So maybe people can buy a slice for $500, $1,000, or whatever. At the end of the year I total up my win and they get a percentage of whatever I cash. Maybe it's a little loss, maybe it's a little win. Unlikely I'll win big time, but equally unlikely I'll get busted out of all the events without recouping most of the expense at the least. But that could easily give me the opportunity to play compared to the time it would take to round up the 15K on my own or the reluctance I'd feel about firing it all away when my family has real needs.
After thinking of this I think I could round up the 15K in a matter of days or weeks. It wouldn't be hard. I already know I have people that would throw in most of it, I'd have to diversify more to protect them and make sure no one could get hurt. And of course I'd at least take a moderate piece of my own action.
Best of all, I think this could be a recurring thing. Maybe not just one crazy flyer year, but an ongoing year over year new way of life. I could even get a website, publish my schedule, and post blog updates of my tournament matches, similar to what I posted here (maybe a little less embarrassing). But I think a lot of players would get a big kick out of rooting my on all year, having a horse in the race, and getting to feel close and personal with a path I'm following that maybe they couldn't follow in their life. Who knows, maybe I develop some type of following, working class hero kind of thing. I'm not saying it would blow up into something where I'd be getting donations, selling ebooks, giving lessons, and quitting my job while I write about pool...but I don't really care. All I really want to do is play anyway, so as long as I can do that my cup is full.
It's funny. Sometimes having this happen in your mind is the hardest part. Once I can see the picture, making it happen in real life is the easy part. For some reason I just never really dreampt that big. I was just on my own, firing what I could afford to fire. I might not even go the website route, or to publicly open up the window for backing, I might just make it happen on my own or with a few friends. Again, I just want to play. But it's amazing how hard it was to mentally commit to it, and now I feel like it's all downhill and frankly that it's already a reality.
Nothing else much new. Kids are awesome. Work is still a challenge but I am not stressing about it and have faith that something will work out at some point.
Sunny, Ginger, rd, juju, Jelly, it's cool to have you on my thread. I'm big fans of each of you. It's funny to say, I'm not sure I want to meet any of you in real life, but only because I am so appreciative with having this forum. It's like the fantasy long distance relationship that so many of us were BD'd for, why let reality get in the way? And yes, Jelly, I'm not going anywhere. You need a ride to the mall you just let me know...
Well, I'm crashing now so until next time. Take care and talk soon!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Just want to say, you never know. People do manage to develop and build a career out of something they are passionate about. I know some people that have done great by tapping into that niche market. You have a talent for ideas and writing and pool. Why not combine them?
I was nervous about meeting people i wrote to here IRL. (More for safety reasons then anything else though and I made it as safe as possible) But i will take reality over fantasy any day of the week. I did end up clicking with the people I thought I would. Its not hard as we don't just have being left by our spouses that united us, but some underlying aspect of our personalities that would attract us to a forum and approach like this.
I totally respect why its not for every one though. Glad you are still here and posting.
