Summary... My W wanted a D due to PA with OM. That fell apart and I did tons of 180s, and my W decided not to D. She declared she will stay as a partner in raising kids only.
Things seemed to be improving until the recent event of my W accidentally sending me a text meant for my BIL. W freaked out and told my BIL what happened. I thought my W had ended her EA with my BIL. I figured it was time to tell my sister about the EA. After W found out, she told me she was filing for D. My W did not file, and has been very angry since...likely she feels trapped. In recent argument, W declared she will not leave me because she does not want to split time with the kids.
W has been acting very badly toward me in front of the kids lately. Consensus is for me to leave the house. I have been advised not to leave unless divorced.
I am not ready to throw in the towel or divorce. Not yet.
M 17 years 3 kids EA start 2010 ILYBNILWY 1/2014 PA 1/2016 Bomb drop 2/2016 Renig on Bomb drop 4/2016 Living as roommates, EA continues
She's acting disrespectful and angry towards you in front of the kids and it is spilling over to them. She is only not divorcing you because she doesn't want to split time with the kids.
Where exactly is the improvement?
I am not saying this to be mean. But you are in serious denial right now. Your situation is very unhealthy.
Summary... My W wanted a D due to PA with OM. That fell apart and I did tons of 180s, and my W decided not to D. She declared she will stay as a partner in raising kids only.
this ^^^ is not a reconcialation, you realize, right? This is her saying "There's no OM at the moment and so I'll stick around MY kids..." AND it's after you pretzeled yourself for her.
- I thought my W had ended her EA with my BIL. I figured it was time to tell my sister about the EA. After W found out, she told me she was filing for D. My W did not file, and has been very angry since...likely she feels trapped. In recent argument, W declared she will not leave me because she does not want to split time with the kids.
W has been acting very badly toward me in front of the kids lately. Consensus is for me to leave the house. I have been advised not to leave unless divorced. Correction: consensus is for you to leave UNLESS a L advises you against it - some won't- IN WHICH CASE we suggest you get a TRO or whatever other tool is used in your jurisdiction. TO get HER out, or you or whatever.
Your present situation is untenable. I'm not sure what it will take for you to believe that.
No likelihood of improvement in this arrangement AND instead, chances are continued deterioration.
I am not ready to throw in the towel or divorce. Not yet.
then leave. That's right, LEAVE if you want to save the marriage!
it is an odd form of stubbornness or denial that tells you by staying in a sh1t situation you are somehow improving it.
Get out and let her figure things out IF IF IF she can.
She sure won't with you both in the same house. This is so clear to me.
Sorry
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
In response to things improving, my W was planning trips around my schedule, picking up the slack on chores, generally being friendlier and more accomodating. I know this sounds insignificant, but it was a noticeable change in my W.
As far as the audiobook, I like it so far. It has some very strong religious references that go overboard for me, but it is sound reading and advice. Half way through it, and author is talking about detaching from the wayward spouse. Its a short book...6 hr audio.
M 17 years 3 kids EA start 2010 ILYBNILWY 1/2014 PA 1/2016 Bomb drop 2/2016 Renig on Bomb drop 4/2016 Living as roommates, EA continues
For my education, from those who have left their homes without divorcing, what do you recommend for handling finances, kids, property? Ie, do you open new bank accounts, take all you belongings, and set up custody as if divorced?
I fear that me leaving will ultimately lose me custody of kids and our house as well as put me in a disadvantage in any negotiations. Is there a way to pursuade my W to leave?
Of course the usual Friday night couch sleep drama went on tonight...son(11) was sitting on couch with me. W asked us both to move to another couch so she could go to sleep. I was hoping my son would ask why she needed to sleep on the couch, but he simply moved. I ignored my W and stayed there until I was ready to go to bed. I ended up staying up a bit longer with my son, and my W sat there on Facebook. I sat down on the couch again, and a couple minutes later, my W asked me to move so she could lay down. I told her she could sleep in the bedroom because we were using the living room. She told me that she sleeps on the couch now and I was being tacky. I tucked my son in and went to bed.
Should I have handled this situation differently?
M 17 years 3 kids EA start 2010 ILYBNILWY 1/2014 PA 1/2016 Bomb drop 2/2016 Renig on Bomb drop 4/2016 Living as roommates, EA continues
