Maybe I don't don't understand the full extent of your situation. I thought the issue was with the BIL, not the BIL and some other guy.
The initial divorce threat was when my W was thinking of running off with the pet shop owner. After finding out about this PA, my digging uncovered a very long lasting EA with my BIL. The pet shop guy broke off their plans to be together, bu apparently my W is still pursuing him over a year later.
M 17 years 3 kids EA start 2010 ILYBNILWY 1/2014 PA 1/2016 Bomb drop 2/2016 Renig on Bomb drop 4/2016 Living as roommates, EA continues
I talked to a DB coach today who put a different perspective on things. Maybe it was just the ability to have an interactive conversation for fluid discussion, but it clarified my situation immensely.
The short is that I will need to massively GAL. This will have an effect all its own, or as a worst case, prepare me for moving on. The concept is that my W does not want a marriage, so I need to stop being a spouse. I can continue to live in the same house but must treat my W as a room mate...and a bad room mate at that.
We also discussed scenarios...the couch power struggle, seeing my BIL at the holidays, arguments, and my W continuing contact with OM. Take away is I need to stop acting contrary to what I think or believe...no more acting friendly to my BIL to keep peace, no more allowing my W to push me around any more than I would allow a room mate.
I will work on telling my W when I disagree with something she does or says nicely, while not getting sucked into arguments...especially in front of the kids.
M 17 years 3 kids EA start 2010 ILYBNILWY 1/2014 PA 1/2016 Bomb drop 2/2016 Renig on Bomb drop 4/2016 Living as roommates, EA continues
The short is that I will need to massively GAL. This will have an effect all its own, or as a worst case, prepare me for moving on. The concept is that my W does not want a marriage, so I need to stop being a spouse. I can continue to live in the same house but must treat my W as a room mate...and a bad room mate at that.
To me, being in that room after dinner on Friday night is just looking to stir up trouble.
Our house has 4 bedrooms and a living room/kitchen/breakfast room all one area. My W taking up the living room relegates my kids and me to a bedroom.
Im glad that the DB coach helped you to redirect your thoughts and energies.
I hope that you can see now why your actions with regards to the living room on Fridays is not helping you in any way. There are plenty of places in the world for you and your son to be, but you are insistent on choosing the ONLY place where W is AND you are making life difficult for her.
I know if I had a roommate I didnt particularly care for, I wouldnt squat where they are going to sleep and insist to spend time there. Especially not if i was trying to start a new relationship with them.
