I would avoid relationship talks and no pressure on her. Give her space. When she brings up divorce say you’re sorry she feels that way, that you would rather stay married, but you won’t impede her. End the conversation fast. Stay away and GAL. Buy time.
Well she came home last night after accusing me of trying to hack into her bank account. She was in a reasonable state to defend myself. The conversation went to her loving me but having no romantic feelings for me. She cried and told me that she did file for divorce and she told me details about the grounds she used. I said goodnight and went to bed.
Slept fine. Today I will carry on GAL and my job, which is taking off like crazy.
One question: I have been sleeping on the couch for weeks. She keeps asking me if I would like to sleep in the bed instead. Should I accept the offer to swap for a night or continue to sleep on the couch? I don’t care either way.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
Today I told her she won't get a fight from me if D is really what she wants. I also reiterated that I do not want a D and that it will never be too late to take it back.
I am moving back into the MBR today.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
Conceptually, I think of DB as moving on with your life and making the best life possible for yourself and your children. Your wife is left behind in the dust just watching a great guy move on without her.
As Tread has already mentioned, there's probably an OM. In fact, I'd say there's about a 98% chance there's an OM. Of course, that doesn't change your approach to the situation, but it can help motivate you to get out and GAL and build a wonderful life for yourself.
Just out of curiosity, don't you need to sign the divorce papers too? I don't know much about the actual process I guess they eventually mail you something to sign too...it seems to be a multi-step process so I hope your wife will be thinking about what she's doing along the way.
Your situation is so sad. How can people do this to each other? Losing romantic feelings, in my mind, isn't a reason to get divorced. There needs to be some effort to restore them and other aspects of the marriage and even then the marriage can be re-defined without the full romantic feelings it used to have. I just can't understand how someone can just walk away without trying. Even if there's another man, how can she be so sure about him to lose her marriage?
I wish our society held people more accountable for their actions. I wish families, churches, social institutions, and other networks would intervene more so someone can't just walk away from their marriage without anything stopping them. Why is divorce so easy? Does marriage really mean so little nowadays that you just file a paper, pack your bags, and totally disregard the one you left behind?
Anyway I hope this nightmare will either end with your wife returning, begging for your forgiveness, or you finding a new happiness that's much greater than what you had with your wife. In the meantime, you're not alone. Maybe there's a divorced meetup group or a local church support group in your area? It seems like finding other people going through the same thing may help you to get through this.
Joe, sorry to read your situation. I agree with NicoleR. Also, there is the possibility she really didn't file for divorce yet. Remember "believe only 50% of what they say". Even if she did, you just keep working on yourself.
Well, I think I may have an idea of who is giving her all the attention she's been getting. Regardless, it does not matter. The divorce has not made it into the public website but I suspect it will be there by the end of the week.
I am still GAL every day. I see many of the deficiencies I have as a man that took a back burner to being a husband and a father. I am working on these things for myself so I can occupy my time as well as move on.
I deserve better than this and I'm really upset that she could do this to me. It's a complex situation for her, but I'm not going to support her anymore. I'm not going to be her babysitter anymore. I'm going to do my own thing and start my new life today.
She is on the verge of making me one of the most eligible bachelors in the area.
Still, I am holding onto hope that we can reconcile because I love my WW and the life we spent all this time building, and I know she is guilty about dumping the family. To me, it means that on some level she has enjoyed building this life too and knows what she's leaving behind.
But whatever. I didn't choose this.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
Have you read up on Nice Guy Syndrome? There is a free online book called No More Mr. Nice Guy (referred to here as NMMNG). Check it out, in addition to DB/DR. Just reading up on your sitch, I think you will find it worthwhile.
