My God I appreciate you guys so much. I need so much support because I lost a lot of friends by moving so often, and then getting this new job. I really don’t have anyone to reach out to even to vent. And I don’t want to contact family. I am forever grateful to you all.
Benito, did you actually divorce before recon? My wife swears she filed, so I guess I will get served sometime during the month. That’s OK. I can buy as much time as possible that way. Besides, our home needs some work before it’s ready to go on the market.
Prior to the bomb, I was working on losing weight. I have lost 15 pounds and counting. I’ve adding running a few times a week and I started playing sports again a couple times a week. I am going to start going to the gym again. I have been improving the wardrobe, and I’m not going to be a “couch potato” anymore, even though I really wasn’t before.
I am going to start doing more father-son activities with my kid that (unfortunately) will have to exclude her child. I am no longer going to be her babysitter, no matter how much I love my stepson, he really isn’t my child. That’s a very hard pill to swallow but it’s true.
This is going to be a hell of a ride. Thanks for helping me through this.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
Need an answer. I am considering spending weekends away from the house with my kid because she uses me as a convenient babysitter while she goes wild. We will return at the end of the weekend. Is this a bad idea?
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
Need an answer. I am considering spending weekends away from the house with my kid because she uses me as a convenient babysitter while she goes wild. We will return at the end of the weekend. Is this a bad idea?
This is a tough one. How old is stepson? What is your relationship with stepson? I believe the LBH should try to protect or mitigate any effects on the children as much as possible. Maybe go away for one weekend to send a message, but afterwards do whatever you would do "as if" the W was not there. If that involves staying at home, then so be it.
So I guess what I'm saying is don't go away just to punish your W, go away because it is something you want to do. If staying home is something you want to do, then do that. In other words, you are acting and doing thing regardless of the W.
He is 15. We have always had a good relationship. I'm just tired of being WW's babysitter while she goes out and parties. But I do get your point. It's a good perspective. I'll think more on this.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
Why can't you include your stepson? If it's because she won't let you, I'd make sure he understood that you love him and will welcome him any time.
I completely understand how sometimes you feel great, and then an hour later, you're wallowing, and wondering "wtf?" It's normal and natural. Be aware the healing and detaching is not linear, and has ebbs and flows. You will have missteps along the road. We all do. Don't dwell on them; the occasional mistake won't ruin your chances of reconciliation.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
don't go away just to punish your W, go away because it is something you want to do. If staying home is something you want to do, then do that. In other words, you are acting and doing thing regardless of the W.
this^^^^^^
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
Well, WW was told that I want MBR. Of course, then the crap hit the fan and she started yelling at me and now it's "clear to her" that she's making the right decision. We had an argument about the bed, but I did calmly tell her I'm not trying to screw her over financially and I'm not fighting her on the divorce.
I'm going to go away for the weekend and get some separation. I think it will be good for the whole family.
I don't know how long our interactions can continue like this. She is welcome to leave whenever, but she says I'm trapping her and I have her boxed in.
Today will not be a good day.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
[quote=Joe2017]Of course, then the crap hit the fan and she started yelling at me and now it's "clear to her" that she's making the right decision./quote]
Joe,
Yep, that's the standard WW spew. My XW always began her spew with, "You see that's exactly why I'm divorcing you..." I began wearing that phrase like a badge of honor; I learned to relish those moments with glee (that's probably not DB).
One time, she asked, via email, to borrow some money from me. I kept her on the hook for a few email exchanges and then I finally told her, "I think you should ask your boyfriend for the money; he's already cost me too much." She hit the freaking roof, "You see that's exactly why I'm divorcing you..."
In other words, don't take it personally, it's just what they do to keep you engaged and to make you the villain. Just treat it like a two year old having a tantrum.
So I'm trying to be a good parent to both kids. But I don't want to be a doormat either. It's a tough one because I'm being used as a babysitter. I am not sure how to handle it. I get that I should carry on like she's not here, but it's hard when I'm being depended upon.
I know she needs to experience some kind of loss to start making her think about the consequences, and I feel like being her babysitter makes me complicit in her selfish behavior.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
I am scared that our argument this morning is a major setback. I am just standing up for myself and not being Mr Nice Guy. The minute she didn't get everything she wanted she lashed out at me.
I'm trying to focus all of my efforts on recon, so this argument probably slowed that process. And that hurts.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
