two things... first--i think it's pretty amazing that your 10-year old son was able to communicate with his Sunday School leader that he was uncomfortable sitting in on the Sacrament of Marriage talks...
and second--you are not responsible for setting a good example of DBing here on these boards... these boards are here to help you... and in that, others receive help... please don't leave the board because you think you are not a DB master... hardly anybody here is... everyone comes as they are, with what they have, and--i do believe--gives it their best shot... and as it is with anything in life, everyone has their own journey, on their own timelines...
you are discouraged... we all get discouraged... even i do--2.5 years into piecing... sometimes i think i would like to run off to Kansas where nobody knows me, and live a quiet existence... as much as i have fouled things up, i know that i would be missed... just like you would be missed from these boards...
Sometimes I question whether I should stop posting here. I'm not sure I'm setting a good example for others. I'm not a good DB'er.
I second artista. We all screw up. We all do the wrong things. Every single one of us. But we give emotional support and advice to others, anyway, in the hopes that it can help them (and, probably for many or most of us, help ourselves as well by using others' situations to understand our own).
Don't leave. Stay and use this place as an outlet to get things out of your system. Stay and help others. Stay and use this place to help make yourself better.
The plan is to build Holding up. Give him all the confidence we can. Holding, have you ever flown a multi-engine plane before?
S***! It's a g-d d@mn waste of time! There's no way he can land this plane!
Holding, you listen and you listen close. Divorce Busting is no different from learning how to ride a bicycle. Just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.
Holding, before we start, I'd like to say something. I know that right now things must look pretty rough up there, but if you do what I tell you, when I tell you to do it, there's no reason why you shouldn't have complete confidence in your chances to come out of this thing alive and in one piece. Holding, what kind of weather are you in up there?
Artista, thanks for the encouragement. S10 has been very vocal about his feelings in this whole process. He's a great kid! On the anger, I do struggle for positive ways to get rid of it. I'm not an angry person by nature, but the D has really brought it out. So I guess dealing with anger like this is kinda new to me.
East, thanks. I'll stick around.
Doodler and East: Rain, and a little ice.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
On the anger, I do struggle for positive ways to get rid of it. I'm not an angry person by nature, but the D has really brought it out. So I guess dealing with anger like this is kinda new to me.
i am sad to say that my husband is a lot more angry now than before i betrayed him... he is more quick to anger over the smallest things... lacks patience... it's not horrible... he does not take his anger out on others, it's just that he now sweats the small stuff... he knows and is trying to address it... he catches himself and says he finds himself sounding like his father--which is something he swore he would never do...
when we were still separated and then when we first started piecing, i would cringe when he would lose his temper... he HATED that i would do that... it would make him more angry... even in our marriage counseling sessions, when he would lose his temper, i would cringe and he would get so mad... i would just say, "i'm sorry--but i cannot help it." it was a natural reaction that i had... which was weird because before my betrayal, when he would exhibit anger, i would not cringe... the thing is, whenever my husband was really angry at me, before and after my betrayal, he demonstrated it by not talking me... the silent treatment... but that is another story...
i say all of this to say to you--of course you are angry...
Agree with all that you are not a bad example, just human. And guilt over your part? Yes, most of us have had those feelings too. In hindsight, I think my stbx tried to save our M too in her own way...and then gave up and started chasing OMs.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
