It was a little bit of both Sandy. I’m not gonna sugarcoat any of this I made a lot of mistakes today. I wife asked me why I was up all night long and why didn’t go to work and I told her I was up with our daughter. Consoling her. And then it just devolved from there. She’s the kind that when you have a relationship talk she shuts down completely doesn’t say a thing let you do all the talking and then when it’s done everything’s good again I don’t know understand it. I’ll talk to her a little while ago about something to do with the house and Christmas and she was perfectly fine normal. I don’t understand how her mom is working. She tells him that she stop loving me two years ago. I don’t remember that. And then the whole talk about him raising my kids. It’s crazy.She expect me to be perfectly OK with seeing my kids three months a year. I don’t I don’t get any of this right now. I just need to detach and talk to her about nothing but business and maybe Christmas. I was doing good until this.
M 51 W 46 D14 S13 M 16yrs T17yrs BD 06/25/17 OM Confirmed 06/25/17, ILYBNILWY Did Sep for 1 month, moved back in due to W Finances
Sandi, forgot to add, with her it’s either she has them 9 months a year or I do and she want the nine. No 50 50 because she says that will trap her here until they are 18 and that would be punishing her for loving someone. Guess it’s not punishment for me to only see them 3 months a year because I’m the one that got betrayed. That’s where her head is. She forgets this is a 50 50 state and I mistegally sign an agreement for her to take them out of state. If I refuse she can ask for a hearing and the judge decides. In our county the judge never rules in favor of the cheater. She herself was cheated on twice so I’ve been advised. So if it does go to D it will be an ugly one I feel based on her words. And you were absolutely correct when you told me the day I got here that in house S is soul crushing. I would highly advise and warn any new LBS against it. If anything it makes the situation worse in my opinion
M 51 W 46 D14 S13 M 16yrs T17yrs BD 06/25/17 OM Confirmed 06/25/17, ILYBNILWY Did Sep for 1 month, moved back in due to W Finances
|I may have already said this , but its 4 am and my mmind has been racing all night. |W said she stopped loving me about two years ago and only stayed around because of the kids. |She said sex was emotionless and for her pleasure only. She said i made her feel unloved, unwanted, and unattractive, and she cried nightly for a year before grieving and moving on in october 16. She admitted to sexting someone for three weeks in Ocober, then cooled it off and was waiting it out when in february 17 she began to talk to this OM. She said that her relationship with him didnt begin until JUly when we separated for a month, despite the fact that they had sexually charged emails, sent videos, nude pictures etc in april( iwould define that as cheating) She has no desire to be with me or work on our marriage, and wants a life with the OM. That for the past year when she said ILY it wass forced and out of habit
Here is what my thoughts are telling me- either she is 100 percent telling the truth and i was blind to it all, or
shes lying like a rug and is continually re writing the M history to suit/fit her needs. who would stay around that long if they truly felt the way she says she did? in addition, she has used/manipulated me to get her to a point where she feels comfortable leaving to be with someone else. when this began , i wnt through a month or pure mental abuse from her, dangling the carrot of R to keep me in line and prevent me from exposing OM to the military long enough for her to fly down to georgia to see him. She went so far as to say the S was temporary to last a month so she could have some space. I swallowed all of this due to my emotional state and willingness to do anything to save us.
i know in my case, when i felt the loss of my wife and began to grieve it, i had an overwhelming desire to save us at any cost and fight hard for the M. Surely if she cared she would have fought for us, at the very least indicate that we had issues. i have always been approachable and always talked other issues (finances, child issues, etc)through with her, so i have no ideea why she felt she couldnt bring up the fact our relationship had issues
Basically i just dont know what or how to feel right now. i was doing good on gal and detaching. i guess it is the holiday season affecting me, i keep dwelling ion the fact that this could well be our lasst faamily christmas and its making me feel a certain way. or maybe i am regressing, or spiraling back to the beginning. I have also gotten the old familiar urge to turn him in to the military. His lies to her about housing did it i think. it seems insignificant, but to me it matters. he cant have base housing unless he is married or has legal custody of a dependant. she says he got it because he gets his D three months a year.( wonder where she got the idea for custody in my case). Wrong. i have a friend whois a naval officer stationed on a base. he must be married, single with a full time dependant ofelderly parent. in addition, she says that when we D she will move into base housing with him and the kids. Wrong again, navy hosuing regs state you must be married and the children must be dependants. this matters to me because his lies will impact my children. another reason not to sign the agreement to allow her to move them out of state.
While im rambling, something else is troubling me. I have had the worst case of gut feeling ihave had since this began. I feel like something is going on behind the scenes i know nothing about. OM is on christmas leave. he is going to west virginia to see family, and his route takes him thru our state. the last time he did they met for an hour or two (right, whatever) in a parking lot to talk. I have a strong suspicion he has been thru in the last 24 hrs and they have met again or planned to meet and i ruined that.\ Friday i had a blow out and had to call W to come get me. when she arrived,she was mad and acting as if i orchestrated a blow out to ruin her day. Last day of school for christmass break, a friday when the school dismisses at one pm as usual. i had to keep the caar to get a tire and then pick her up. she was angry when i picked her up and moody all the way to get the truck. later i learned that she told my daughter that i ruined her plans for the day. That night, she mentioned we needed something trivial from the store and i told her i would go because i needed to go to town anyway. angry again. Last night she went to walmart and was gone two and a half hours. she texted several times about gifts for the kids, then on one answer she took 45 minutes to reply. not that it matters much at all, but i strongly suspect she had a meet up and that was what the gut was about.
man, i need to sleep more and think/ramble less
M 51 W 46 D14 S13 M 16yrs T17yrs BD 06/25/17 OM Confirmed 06/25/17, ILYBNILWY Did Sep for 1 month, moved back in due to W Finances
I’ve had time to get my mind right. I walked out into the middle of the woods by the house and sat on a big rock for about two hours. Had a real good cry, got that out and started planning my next moves.
I am detaching from her hard beginning today . Everything she’s doing right now is for her own benefit. Rewriting the M,rewriting the A, protecting the OM, saying things intentionally designed to hurt And further break me. She’s doing all this to try and force me to be the one to file. She wants this D so bad she can’t stand it. Since that’s the case she can file. Child custody is something I will not give an inch on. She is not making me a summmer dad, he is not raising my children. This state is a 50 to state. Her stance is that she cannot support herself and the kids here so she must move to him, or become a summer mom. This whole thing was her choice and this is a consequence of her choice. I will not again fall victim to this choice. She can cry and whine all she wants, I will not budge. She seems to think the judge will award her 70/30 and let her take them after a special hearing. There is so much involved in this and she has thought none of it out. All she’s thinking about is him. Never mind the fact that I have shown her concrete proof that he is lying about the base housing. This sounds trivial, but sheplans I’m taking the children 1000 miles away based on a lie. I cannot as a good day allow this to happen if I’m forced I will follow through and turn him in to the military and suffer he wrathto protect my children. She told me once she’d hate me forever if I did. Appears as though she hates me now so what would I have to lose? I know it sounds like revenge or vindictive, andback wen this started I wanted to use it to that end, but calmer heads prevailed and I shelved it. Now I see it as a tool........ still not firmly decided what to do. I do know that now any thoughts or hopes I had of getting back with her hae banished. After seeing her use her own children as pawns , watching her manipulate the sitch and everyone around,I want nothing more to do with her. She is not the woman I married and I feel like she’s too far gone to come back. I welcome the D.
M 51 W 46 D14 S13 M 16yrs T17yrs BD 06/25/17 OM Confirmed 06/25/17, ILYBNILWY Did Sep for 1 month, moved back in due to W Finances
Find the best L you can to protect your custody rights. I’m glad you cleared your head. You sound like you found some inner strength. And why are you protecting OM?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Gordienim not. He’s done. He’s lied and shebought it and threw our entire life away and is planning on dragging the kids into his lies.i cannot stand for that. Or already spoke to a lawyer. Our state is 50 50 unless a mutual agreement has been reached or there is child abuse involved. She can petition for a hearing to see if the judge will rule she can take them out of state without my permission.the hearing will not go well for her. The family court judge here despises cheaters. She complained that her being a summer time mom would be punishing her for theA.not my intention. OM will give her her punishment, as will her conscience when she wises up. Nothing good can come from him. If he lied about something as simple as housing whAt else is there? I confirmed the rules with the navy and he is lying to either hernia the military. I cannot allow my kids to be near this man.
M 51 W 46 D14 S13 M 16yrs T17yrs BD 06/25/17 OM Confirmed 06/25/17, ILYBNILWY Did Sep for 1 month, moved back in due to W Finances
Just an update, I just got off the phone with military housing at the bases station that. He’s not entitled house and less he’s married, and she is not authorized to move in with her children as a civilian Who is not married. The lady base housing one as far as to say it sounds like somebody’s getting conned and played.
M 51 W 46 D14 S13 M 16yrs T17yrs BD 06/25/17 OM Confirmed 06/25/17, ILYBNILWY Did Sep for 1 month, moved back in due to W Finances
Just an update, I just got off the phone with military housing at the bases station that. He’s not entitled house and less he’s married, and she is not authorized to move in with her children as a civilian Who is not married. The lady base housing one as far as to say it sounds like somebody’s getting conned and played.
at this point, i would let her believe that i was starting divorce proceedings... she would have to let OM know... what would his response be? what could it be?
