Any advice 5

[artista]

hey, gw5263... i must say, i am dismayed that you are in the very same place you were when you last posted... you are no further as far as your attitude goes... that is too bad... you seemed to be at a point where you were ready to put a stop to her nonsense and do away with her utter disrespect for you... but i guess that was just a fleeting thought... i don't know what else to tell you... i guess you will get there when you get there... but your snail-pace is not helping you at all... not helping your sitch... not helping your household... it's hurting it... you are hurting it...

that you even responded to your WW when she commented about the changes you've made being fake... "reassuring" her that nothing could be further from the truth... the way you feel about her is genuine... ugh, gw5263!!! you are not helping yourself with these exchanges! if i were of the crude ilk, i would beseech you--"grow a pair!!!" but i am not... so all i can say is, "adelante, Senor..."

--artista

[artista]

p.s.--i had a couple of long-distant relationships during my separation... these were perfect for me... i liked that i had someone special in my life, and that i was special to someone... but i didn't have to "deal" with all the everyday stuff that comes with a relationship when you are face-to-face... and having someone special made it so i didn't feel the need to go out a meet new people... do the singles scene... i liked the arrangement very much...

you know the song, "Brandy," by Looking Glass? it goes:

At night... when the bars close down
Brandy walks through a silent town
And loves a man... who's not around
She still can hear him say

She hears him say, "Brandy, you're a fine girl"
"What a good wife you would be"
"But my life, my lover, my lady is the sea"

it's like that... i was content to have the love of the object of my affection--from afar... and it seems your WW is content too... she is not going to suddenly tire of it and then come running back to you... what could end it is forcing their hand... but with you willingly supporting her, why should anything change for her? she's where she wants to be...

--artista

[Subitai]

I agree you need to focus on "show, don't tell" for your changes. If she questions them, just shrug. Don't talk about them. When I was still new to this, if I talked about what I was trying to do (even in the context of being a better dad) my W would say I was trying to turn the story into my redemption story, and this wasn't that story. It was our divorce. So... yah. It also hurt for her to hear me trying to do things better NOW rather than THEN, so... don't talk about it.

[gw5263]

Artists, I am ready to put a stop to her bullshite. This has gone on long enough. She trapped me in a conversation and I fell for it. I have had more than enough of living like this and it has to end. The problem is she won’t leave and I won’t leave. I won’t leave because I will not give up my house only to lose it because she can’t pay for it. She says she won’t leave because she has to be divorced to stay with him. Given that she makes little money and I took a 8$hr pay cut when I got demoted because of this , neither can afford the 2600$ a divorce will cost so we both are stuck. Any suggestions? I’m to the point I’m sick of this life and want desperately to find resolution, of any kind. But as you see I feel trapped..... any good alternatives?

[LH19]

GW,

Stop BSing yourself. If you want out of this bad enough you will find away to make it happen.

[gw5263]

The only option right now is for me to file on my own with no attorney. I don’t think I made the financial situation clear- I do not have the money to do it with an attorney. I pay all the bills and she pays her car payment. We never havemoney left over....I sold all my guns back in the summer to try and play catch up and I took a hefty pay cut because I was having such a difficult time coping with this and it was affecting my job. The only way out right now is to file on my own, so no, I’m not bs ing myself, as you said. I simply do not hae the money to do this. I have no family and my credit is shot right now so a loan is out of the question. Every penny I earn goes into bills and groceries. It’s not as easy as it sounds. You all act like I don’t want out or resolution.... I do... I’m sick of this and cNt do it anymore. It seems like I just don’t hae any options right now......so any suggestions would be fine with me..... just don’t tell me I’m not trying. It’s either eat and have the power on or pay for a divorce lawyer. Filing on my own would be fine and easy enough but there will Ben a fight over custody and splitting the debt we have together, which is about 80k. I’m in financial ruins basically.

[Holding]

GW, do you have any retirement accounts you can borrow from?

Do you think you could represent yourself or do one of those self-file things?

[artista]

Artists, I am ready to put a stop to her bullshite. This has gone on long enough. She trapped me in a conversation and I fell for it.

i am sorry, gw5263... but no you are not done with her bs... what you say here tells me that you are not... you do not come across as someone who is standing strong... you do not yet have resolve... you do seem like you are at your wit's end, but that is not the same as making a deliberate determination... i think it would be good for you to read TXhubby's threads and use his experience to "mentor you," if you will... you are trapped because that is how you see yourself... you have not gotten out of this debacle because you see no way out... i think you see no way out because you still want her... and she knows it...

your sitch is mired in--mostly--your mentality... your thinking has not changed... that is why you allowed her to "trap" you into an exchange that showed you to be weak... there was no other way that conversation was going to go because you are not there yet...

i feel for you, gw5263... i hurt for you... what you and CW are going through really makes me see what i put my dear H through... and so, if i come across as harsh or hard, it's because i want you to conquer this mess... you are too good for your WW... just like my H was too good for me--his WW... i want you to find your "ganas," you WILL, your DESIRE to break through the muck that is your life right now... again--look to TXhubby for inspiration... use his contributions as your own tutorial... you can do this!

--artista

[gw5263]

I m in a state retirement system. There is no borrowing. As far as reperesenting my self I have in a previous foreclosure and won, and in two civil suits and won. This is a little different. I may see if I can work with an attorney and have them review motions and the initial paperwork for accuracy. The judges here are not too fond of self representation. But I have no other options right now. Maybe once the paperwork hits her hands things will change. Who knows. I just know I can’t go on like this letting a damn telephone relationship wreck everything. Next month will be a year since they initially started talking. This has gone on long enough.

[gw5263]

Artista, thank you so much. I needed a good kick in the cabeza. You are so right on so many accounts. How Can I get to tx hubbys posts? I need to do this. I thought I was moving in the right direction until the holidays. Then it all went to hello.... I have to right the ship and press on.