You keep thinking you have to D your W or kick her out the house to change your sitch. IMHO, you need to stop taking her crap. You need to stand up for your morals, values, and beliefs. Stop saying what you can't do. And figure out what you can. Do you have to lose your house or kick her out to show her you won't put up with her stuff anymore, hell no!!!!! TXHUBBY got better while his W was in the home with him.
I can tell you are a strong man, lost in his emotional and mental self. Get back to being that strong man.
You worth exceeds all worldly things, if you treat yourself that way, every person that comes into contact with you will treat you the same.
Smile, be positive, be humble, find joy and grace. learn from your past mistakes, pray and ask for strength. Because being a LBS is actually being sick. We become emotionally sick. And there's no medicine out there that can heal it. Only actions, time, and hard work. Only going through the process brings healing.
Onward and Forward. You are doing good, you fell down, now stand back up and dust yourself off.
We are all rooting for you!!!! Go GW Go!
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Smile, be positive, be humble, find joy and grace. learn from your past mistakes, pray and ask for strength. Because being a LBS is actually being sick. We become emotionally sick. And there's no medicine out there that can heal it. Only actions, time, and hard work. Only going through the process brings healing.
Onward and Forward. You are doing good, you fell down, now stand back up and dust yourself off.
We are all rooting for you!!!! Go GW Go!
in my opinion, this is not the best advice for you... naturally, you are TOO nice... this is where it gets confusing for you... you need to get beyond the humble, smile, positive... you need to be pi$$ed on the inside and use that to do a 180... i am not saying you need to act angry and mean... but you need to get to that, "i'm not going to take it anymore," place...
she has brought the affair into your home... that is not okay... do whatever you can to not allow this... take away her wifi, her "toys," and don't allow gifts from OM to your kids... and go out there and GAL!!! really GET A LIFE!!! put yourself FIRST!!! you need to do this to get to a healthy place... don't do her any favors... NONE!
oh, and did i say: GET A LIFE????? i cannot stress this enough... when you really do this, it will change you... in a positive way... you will enjoy your time, learn new things, meet new people, and grow... and it will make you more attractive to everybody... most of all, it will get you to a place where you will see you are worth so much more than settling for a mediocre existence...
in the words of John Keating as played by Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society, "carpe diem... seize the day, GW... make your life extraordinary..."
it's like that... i was content to have the love of the object of my affection--from afar... and it seems your WW is content too... she is not going to suddenly tire of it and then come running back to you... what could end it is forcing their hand... but with you willingly supporting her, why should anything change for her? she's where she wants to be...
God knows it helps to have another former WW to talk to these LBH's! At least, you won't think it's just my opinion. WW's have a lot in common when it comes to their mindsets, their actions and words.
Your WW could go on like this for years. Both men are providing what she needs. You are providing her physical needs, and OM is providing her emotional needs. She has one foot in both men's lives. (Only the OM isn't taking it seriously).
I understand money problems. I understand feeling stuck and not feeling empowered to change it. I seriously do, GW! You must be intelligent to represent yourself in court cases and win. But your emotions have prevented you from thinking like that guy who wins. You had one thought of reporting the OM to his superiors, and you can't seem to get past it. Forget it, b/c it is not going to win you back the MR....and it is preventing you from thinking on better options. You are smart enough to figure out what to do.
So, do your research and see what options you have. Sometimes, we have to consider which of our problems is the worst to live with. Know what I mean?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I’m going to be completely honest with you, you don’t have it in you to pull off what he did. Not many do! You have one of the worst sitches I have seen here. You need to start setting some serious boundaries or you need to borrow the $2,600 to file. Like THubby this limbo will take a serious toll on your health. It already got you a demotion.
Unless I missed it, he never had his own thread until he started the one about when he was ready to walk out. I have the link bookmarked on another computer. I'll try to think to find it and post it to you.
I read where he had posted about his WW being in an affair, and the OM's wife exposed the it, not Tx. That's what ended the A, and Tx was plan B. He tried, just like you've tried, but things didn't get better. He reached the point where he was the WAH. In fact, I remember when he announced he was a WAH on another thread, and I replied to his post.
It was shortly after that when he decided he had had enough and was walking out the door. His WW knew he was done! And, it brought her to her senses. I wish we could hear from him about how things are going.
If you're out there TX, let us hear from you, please.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
LH19, you are most likely correct. Quite possible I can’t oull it off. But at this point what do I have to lose. Nothing I’ve done has worked. Obviously I can’t get it right or there would have been movement one way or the other. I’m at the end of my rope. I can’t figure out boundaries, can’t seem to fully detach because we live together. All I can think of doing right now is as Artista said, force thier hand. OM isn’t serious about this, he’s filling her head with fairy tales of living with him with the kids happily ever after. He wants her and my kids down there about as much as I want him to draw breath.... not at all. She can’t seem to see this. I’m gonna go back and start from the beginning re read all sandis rules and WW posts and see what I’m missing or doing wrong. Not listening here is a big one.......
M 51 W 46 D14 S13 M 16yrs T17yrs BD 06/25/17 OM Confirmed 06/25/17, ILYBNILWY Did Sep for 1 month, moved back in due to W Finances
I am sure you have read here that there is no magic bullet that is going to fix your situation. If if the A stops she will pretend to comeback to you until she finds Another M.
The only way these things workout long term is for you to have time and space from another. Build an awesome life for you and your kids. Then maybe some day she will want to join you. Just don’t be surprised if you don’t want her back.
Instead of worrying about Txhubbys thread you should read through JRUSS, Anotherstander and Accuray (s) threads.
