So one of the things i changed a while ago was not saying "I love you" first. However she still says it a lot. In the traditional times (hanging up, going to bed, leaving, and arriving).
Should i say it back or not?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Your WW is not exceptional or unusual to a typical wayward. I think you are having a lot of trouble accepting it. There have been many H's who would say the same thing about their WW, but they were in denial about it. Understandably, it is not easy to face.
As an observer, the description you have written out about how she likes and wants to continue the flirtation and connecting with other men......paints her as a spoiled child and you as the enabling parent. The behavior she is engaging everyday is not appropriate for a married woman. You can down play it all you want, and cover with excuses of how she loves to sing.........but in your heart, you know this is wrong. Why can't she sing along with CD's or join the church choir? Why does it have to include another man, and sexual flirtation? I'll tell you why, b/c the karaoke app is nothing more than a vehicle to hooking up with other men. I know, b/c I basically did the same thing.
She is playing you, and you are helping her by buying into the deceit. Her finding men who are long distant, will not stop the decay it's causing in the MR.
Do you think your W would choose a phone app over her M? Sounds crazy, doesn't it? But she will choose the app over you. If you don't believe me, just tell her you want her to stop, or to choose.......and you'll see how serious this has become. Here's the cold facts. It doesn't stop at flirting.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Day 2 of detachment and 180. and I'm already getting the "is everything ok" question. I say in a happy smiley way, "no, everything is fine. "
I'm amazed how quickly it has started to be noticed. I'm really not doing much different except not reacting to her emotions and comments. And not initiating any contact both verbal and physical.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Are you suggesting that i give her that ultimatum? Or do I just do the detach and 180?
I am sure she is not. She is saying that your wife will likely choose the app over you. Which would put her over a '5' on the wayward scale, dont you think?
Are you suggesting that i give her that ultimatum? Or do I just do the detach and 180?
I am sure she is not. She is saying that your wife will likely choose the app over you. Which would put her over a '5' on the wayward scale, dont you think?
Ok, I see that now. I am guessing she might would give up the app but be miserable and it would push her into other things (and towards other people).
I am not sure. Like I said she definitely seems to be stuck right in the middle. Not quite wanting out enough to do anything about it, but not quite wanting to stay enough to work on things fully. Maybe she is closer to a 7 and 8 and I am just in denial. I know I wanted to hang on to the "girl I married" and sandi2's list for the LBH really drove home the point that that girl no longer exists.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
One thing I can suggest to all in similar situations as mine: GET A FRIEND THAT YOU CAN TRUST AND THAT YOU CAN LEAN ON.
I cannot stress this enough.
This morning I was struggling with wanting to call my wife. I was spiraling emotionally for some reason after having another strong morning of detachment. Luckily I have a good friend that knows my situation. I texted him and he immediately called me to work through my emotions. (This after I said a fervent prayer for help by the way!)
Having support is critical to sticking to LRT, GAL, and detachment. Do not try to do it all on your own. Come here and post. If you are God fearing, pray. If you have a friend that you can trust, confide and ask for support. I do not see how anyone can be successful in this otherwise.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
