That's what she has been doing several nights a week. Even after I told her she didn't have to. That she could stay at the house until she found a place. But I think she likes the attention and for people to feel sorry for her. That way she can be the victim instead of the woman that walked out on her husband and kids...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
I have been there, worrying about how she will feel, what she will do, how others will see the situation. You can't control any of that, so stop trying. Do suggest MC to her. Don't make that an option, that will be you pursuing. When she wants to work on the M and go to counseling she will let you know.
You have to start detaching. Detaching will allow you to see your sitch more clearly. If she is sleeping in the van, then IMO she doesn't want to be a mom or W. It's time for you to get your respect back and it starts by you giving it back to yourself. You have to respect yourself first, before anyone else can. You start by not allowing another person disrespect you and cross your boundaries. You can do this. I know you can.
Onward and Forward
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
mtb, Do suggest MC to her. Don't make that an option, that will be you pursuing. When she wants to work on the M and go to counseling she will let you know
I'm assuming you meant to put "Don't suggest MC to her", and I didn't. The only reason I mentioned it was bc last night when she stopped by and was talking about quitting the bar job, she also said she wanted to do MC, but she wanted to wait until she had a place to move into.
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
You are right, I meant don't. Well don't mention to her that she brought it up either. Seems to me she was trying to pacify you. You are a good man and deserves better. Once you start treating yourself better she will have no choice but to do the same. Feed the good wolf. You won't let her negativity and victim hood affect your awesome life no more.
Onward and forward
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Well... I called her on my way home and asked if she would meet me there to talk. When she got here, I told her I needed the house key and garage opener. That if she didn't want to be here any other time, I didn't see a reason for her to be stopping by during the day while no one was here. She said she would be by to get her stuff sometime tomorrow. Told her it was time for me to move forward and I couldn't live like this anymore...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
I did mention the fact that she brought up MC yesterday and if that's what she wanted to do, I would do it, but I can't just sit here waiting any longer. If we were going to do it, we needed to start now. She said she wanted to wait until she moved out and I left it at that. She also kept bringing up the past and things I've done and she thinks it's unfair that I'm upset because she didn't come home1 a few nights. My response was that I was not upset that she didn't come home a few nights, but that I was upset because I wanted to make things right but she's not willing to give me the chance. Her response, "It's not that I don't want to give you a chance, I don't know if I can." Then went back and started going over all the things in the past that I've done. I stopped her and told her that I was sorry for those things, and if I could go back and change the past I would, but I can't. She said she feels like I just want to say sorry and she's supposed to just forget about it all and she can't...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
Ialso want to add that I made the comment that it was time for me to move forward, and her response was, "So you want to get a divorce?". I said as of now I don't, but I can't be sitting around waiting to see what she wants. Similar situation happened last night when I asked her what she would do if she were in my shoes. "So are you asking for a divorce?". She had made the same comment several times before whenever I stood up to her bullsh!t behavior. I really don't think she wants a divorce, and it seems like she's a little worried that I may go that route...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
Stop trying to figure out what she is thinking and do whats best for you. She keep asking you if you want a divorce. Tell her no, and leave it at that. No need for an explanation.
Pls don't ask her about MC no more. When its time for MC you will know. I assure you if you go now she want receive any messages coming from the counselor about recon or working on the M.
You did good with wanting her keys and the garage situation. If she was willing to relent you should have let her. Stop trying to convince her. She must see and know you are done. I know it's hard, but hard work is all that lies ahead.
Onward and forward
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
