Getting ready to move forward #2

[petri]

W got a little emotional. She saw the pictures of our in the sales ad. Now she doesn't hate the house. She has good memories. She had anxiety about the debt, the work and worry. And that it hurts her to sell it.

[LH19]

IMO it is virtually impossible to detach if you see the person every day, communicate every day or try the in-house separation bit.

J,

I am going to disagree with you on that. Though I agree easier with limited to no contact detachment is still possible in house. I still live with my STBX sleep in the same bed and I am detached.

IMO detachment comes when you decide that you did everything you could do to save the marriage. You own up to contributing to the down fall of the marriage and then decide you love and value yourself to much to try to convince/guilt someone to be with you. When you do that you will suffer immensely when they don’t respond the way you want them to respond.

[TBSakaJ9]

Ok ok ok. Ok......it can be done. You cant underestimate the power of meeting a beautiful young lady on the beach.

[SteveLW]

W got a little emotional. She saw the pictures of our in the sales ad. Now she doesn't hate the house. She has good memories. She had anxiety about the debt, the work and worry. And that it hurts her to sell it.

Funny you mention this. One of the first wake-up items for my W was in her plan I would keep the house, and live here. My daughter would live with me (because she loves our house and property). When I told my wife "there is no way I can keep this house, too many memories" she began to argue with me.

I finally said: "It is not fair for you to want to move on with a new life and not expect me not to do the same."

Once she realized that her plan had holes, the delusion of its perfection started to unravel. Which is another reason I think she is still here.

[petri]

Steve.

That's not happening with my W. Now it is time for me to walk away and shine a light. Maybe one day she will see the light and come back to us. That is what I have accepted now. I've done eveeything possible to try and save our marriage. She doesn't want it now. She is filled with resentment and anger. Beneath all of that there might be some warm feelings. Who knows, maybe one day they will emerge again. But that is not up to me.


On a sidenote. I've been reading the MLC forum. And I'm amazed how all that is just like our sitch. It's funny how WW and MLC follow prettty much the same script.

[LH19]

Lol. Not going lie that helps but I truly know my value and am working every day to get better and will let people enter my life and exit my life by their choice.

[TBSakaJ9]

I truly know my value and am working every day to get better and will let people enter my life and exit my life by their choice.

AMEN! I refuse to allow 1 woman in the sea of millions to have that much power over my emotions and self-worth!

[petri]

There's one thing which is kind of funny but sad. When you think about what our WWs have done, and they don't think that we can't change ot that there never was love etc. Still after all that we are willing to stand and wait for them. Now what is greater love than that? And yet they don't give a f.

[Holding]

Petri, I've thought about that so many times.

At BD my XW told me one of my faults was that I didn't have any drive or ambition in life, and I didn't know how to go after things I wanted. About a month after BD (when I was still majorly pursuing), I asked her if she still felt the same way about me, considering how hard I was trying to save the M. She looked confused and obviously couldn't make the connection.

Those things they say at BD, it's all BS. It's just excuses to justify their decision and feelings. It's a smokescreen.

[petri]

Holding.

Wow! That is the exact same thing that I heard at one point! This is so freaking weird. I know there is a script they follow but what I've read here...boy they REALLY do follow the script. Is there a magical agency which provides the script to them or what?