Interesting piece of information. I'm doing a leadership training at work related to my promotion. They have is the TKI conflict management assessment. I'm at 93% compete and 6% avoiding.
In short i tend to confront conflict head on. This was eye opeing in relation to DBing.
It's not I my nature to let conflict linger without a resolution. DBing is all Abbott leaving the conflict alone and moving on.
So this is helpful in terms of i am struggling. And maybe this info can lead me to start to change.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
That book is about how there is no nice guy. The behaviour of the nice guy isn't nice at all.
It's unpleasant, controlling, indirect and sneaky. Nice guy is blaming, has rules which he changes, has little connection, is entitled and ignores his other half and kids. Generally thinks that if he is the bread winner it's enough.
Mr Nice Guy has a snaking, veneer of masculinity.
So who is the opposite of this?
A man who is direct, knows what he wants, discusses things with his other half as an equal, dates his wife, treats her with respect and love. Enjoys being a dad, has great boundaries, tackles issues directly as they arise. Is not as Al Turtle describes a passive master. This man is masculine and unafraid to love and be tender, he keeps his rage under control, works to resolve problems, is happy to share life chores amicably. He is a man who can look after himself if needs must and his children. He has balance in his life, hobbies, friends and family. He is not a nice guy but a man only a fool would leave.
That's my take on it.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Interesting piece of information. I'm doing a leadership training at work related to my promotion. They have is the TKI conflict management assessment. I'm at 93% compete and 6% avoiding.
In short i tend to confront conflict head on. This was eye opeing in relation to DBing.
That's the point isn't it? Conflict? Seeing an R and a disagreement as conflict?
It's not I my nature to let conflict linger without a resolution. DBing is all Abbott leaving the conflict alone and moving on.
That isn't DB at all. It isn't about avoiding conflict or ignoring it. It is how you deal with disagreement and how you argue. Do you blame, do you threaten, are you intimidating, do you accept the other has a right to their view even if different? What do you do?
Have you heard of the man who only has a hammer? He sees every problem as a nail. So beware the man who has only has a screw driver!
So this is helpful in terms of i am struggling.
not surprised if every disagreement or opposite view is "conflict" to be tackled with aggression.
And maybe this info can lead me to start to change.
I think you mean shift. There is nothing wrong with tackling issues directly, see my previous post. It is how you do it. And recognising disagreement is not conflict. Respecting and validating others in the process. Whereas NMMNG is passive aggressive, Mr conflict is just plain nasty aggressive if everything is conflict.
Just saying
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Interesting piece of information. I'm doing a leadership training at work related to my promotion. They have is the TKI conflict management assessment. I'm at 93% compete and 6% avoiding.
In short i tend to confront conflict head on. This was eye opeing in relation to DBing.
That's the point isn't it? Conflict? Seeing an R and a disagreement as conflict?
It's not I my nature to let conflict linger without a resolution. DBing is all Abbott leaving the conflict alone and moving on.
That isn't DB at all. It isn't about avoiding conflict or ignoring it. It is how you deal with disagreement and how you argue. Do you blame, do you threaten, are you intimidating, do you accept the other has a right to their view even if different? What do you do?
Have you heard of the man who only has a hammer? He sees every problem as a nail. So beware the man who has only has a screw driver!
So this is helpful in terms of i am struggling.
not surprised if every disagreement or opposite view is "conflict" to be tackled with aggression.
And maybe this info can lead me to start to change.
I think you mean shift. There is nothing wrong with tackling issues directly, see my previous post. It is how you do it. And recognising disagreement is not conflict. Respecting and validating others in the process. Whereas NMMNG is passive aggressive, Mr conflict is just plain nasty aggressive if everything is conflict.
Just saying
V
^^^^ SHE NAILED IT!^^^^^
DB is not at all about avoiding conflict. It's how you handle it.
I guess i can see that. But it is just so hard not to be actively working toward a solution. A resolution. Anything.
I remember reading that most people feel that a spouse announcing they want out and then lingering is worse than a spouse announcing they are leaving and walking out. I tend to agree.
I just so hate limbo.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I guess i can see that. But it is just so hard not to be actively working toward a solution. A resolution. Anything.
I remember reading that most people feel that a spouse announcing they want out and then lingering is worse than a spouse announcing they are leaving and walking out. I tend to agree.
I just so hate limbo.
And who says you can't be working to a solution? Goals are key.
And limbo is the gift of time.
You can learn patience.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
That is temp checking. Of the worst kind. To show to herself she has control.
And believe nothing she says, even about not being attracted to you. You made a D14 with her so it's clearly untrue.
You are working on you aren't you?
Show yourself that you are an attractive man, and what she is saying is bs. It is your confidence in you that makes you sexy.
So the answer is "hey, yes I am worth an R and if you aren't interested in due course my wonderful new R awaits. For I am a man only a fool would leave, and you are very stupid".
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thanks V. I've actually handled them pretty well. I either shrug or give them a polite chuckle and change the subject.
Also last day or so I've been having a ton of anxiety. I've been having urges to discuss things with her. But I've found ways to deal. One was talking to a good friend that lives several states away. He's very pro marriage is helping coach me through this stuff.
I also have been doing breathing exercises ' praying, and remembering words of advice from this board.
Can't seem to shake this anxiety though. Had a mild panic attack at 4am this mooring.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
