Prebomb I would have made comments about "yeah right" or "why are you teasing me?" or "I would have jokingly went along with it." (For reference we had sex twice last year prebomb, the last time being last summer. We did have sex a few weeks ago post bomb.)
Prebomb she would not have made those comments. I can't really pinpoint when she quit ever joking about sex, but it was at least months ago. And even then the comments were more mocking (like using a goofy voice for me saying things like "yeah, i want sex!"). Not flirtatious at all. These are more flirtatious. I think you are right on the money about her trying to get a reaction, testing me to see if my reaction has changed.
I'm not saying that she is or isn't....
She could be...
She also could be saying these things and watching for your reaction..
She could be testing to see if your reaction is different than before..
She could be a progesterone enraged addict right now...
She could be picking up radio free Europe in her braces....
Many reasons on why, if , what ,when, where or how...
Thing is ??
How YOU react to it, or don't react to it...
Are you reacting the same ?
Different ???
How sharp are your words ???
Are you still reacting with passive aggressiveness when you don't get your way ???
Hey...
If you were focused on that ^^^^ you would hardly notice these tests...
The only thing I will add to Another Stander's advice about sexual contact with her...
Unless you are 100% sure that she hasn't been with another person...
Something else I've been meaning to bring up. Our counselor had a really good observation in our last session. (Remember we didn't go to our session this past week.)
Anyway, she mentioned that my W had been a stay at home mom for 13 years when she discovered this karaoke app. The counselor talked about how "a whole new world" had opened up to my W and that it was fun and exciting after years of serving others and losing her identity. (The counselor worded this much better than I just did.)
Anyway, it did get me thinking that my wife had become home bound. She really only went out when she took our D to school and picked her up from school. Occasionally when I was up at the hunting property she and my D would go out to eat.
My W had really thrown herself into house hunting, and was really big into the 2016 election as well. Much more political than she'd ever been (I had always been the political one).
So it did appear that she was grasping for something. And when it finally came along in the form of this singing app, she was willing to drop all else to fully embrace it. That was when she started to withdraw. Started to lose weight. Started caring about her appearance again after years of not caring about it. Really started to distance herself emotionally.
Her Love Language is words of affirmation so she is especially susceptible to the compliments she gets for her singing.
Couple this with my anger, resentment and constantly making derogatory statements and it was the perfect storm.
So anyway, I thought the insight that the counselor articulated really hit it on the head. And it took a long time for us to get to BD, I need to remember that it's only been 2 1/2 months since. You can't turn around something that quickly that took so long to get into. So thank you for the poster above that reminded me that limbo is the gift of time.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
