Also realizing she is taking up less space in my head each day. I unfollowed her on all social media. I realized it was just a constant temptation to see where she was at, what she was doing, or what she was thinking. I realized that those things aren't important to me anymore. It was only holding me back from making progress...
I got an email from my daughter's teacher yesterday and had to go meet her. Turns out my daughter has been lying to me about her homework and hiding it from me for the past month and had 15 missing assignments. It had got to the point where she was having to sit out during recess for detention. Teacher told me when she asked my daughter why she wasn't turning in her homework, she broke down in tears and said she missed her mom. That her mom is never home and only comes home to take a shower every now and then and leaves right away. It breaks my heart. How people do this to their children, I'll never understand...
I am chaperoning the senior trip this weekend to Cincinnati. We leave Thursday morning and get back Saturday night. My parents will be keeping the kids while I am gone. I'm looking forward to it, because it will give me a break from everything for a while. It will be nice to get away and be out of my usual surroundings for awhile...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
Your D9 is being affected by WW behaviour. It is expected this will affect your beautiful children.
However she has to do her assignments no matter what! Has she had IC? Can I suggest that you allow this? Someone independent to chat to is important. This is tough stuff and children can be resilient with one very loving papa bear parent. Oh and hugs.
Spend time with your D9, dad and D9 time, frankly you will have to be mom and dad to your kids. They need you more than ever.
I did say hugs didn't I, dads always need hugs from their kids. Even at 97, aged pa asked for hugs from this D63. D63 was more than happy to oblige.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
W called me on the way home from work, and I filled her in on what was going on with our daughter at school. She got all defensive trying to say it wasn't her fault. I told her I wasn't trying to make anything her fault. I was just repeating what the teacher had told me. She got mad and told me she would be by to see the kids before she went to work...
W stopped by for about an hour to see the kids. The first half hour she spent sitting in the driveway by herself. I was busy making dinner, so I made an extra plate for her so she could eat with the kids. She ate and said thank you. I said you're welcome. That was pretty much the only interaction she had with me...
In response to Vanilla... I got the kid situation under control. I'm doing the best I can, and there are plenty of hugs going around. I tell them I love them every night before they go to bed, that none of this is their fault, and I'm not going anywhere and will always be with them. It's still really tough on them as is expected...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
It is important to tell kids it's not their fault however if you say it too much then that won't help.
The human mind doesn't process negatives well, this is especially true for children. So "don't drop the vase" is heard as "drop the vase".
It is important to say what you say in a positive way. Better to say "this is adult stuff".
Another observation be careful what you say and how you say it about other adults or children to WW. It sounds like punishment and will cause rage and pay back. WW may do all she can to alienate supportive adults and could punish her child. At the moment you may want to document this and I suggest you start to be protective of yourself and your children. You can't change WW stance by relaying this stuff to her so telling her isn't going to make her go "I must change this today, immediately because I am causing damage". She is more likely to become more entrenched in her views.
I truly believe in hugs and keeping your children's confidence.
You are truly becoming a wonderful dad for your children.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thanks, V... I totally understand all that you said in that last post. I do have one question though. What do you exactly mean by documenting “this”. What specifically? And how would you word it?....
Also... I’m glad I got NMMNG. I’m about half way through and it has helped a lot. I was doing a lot of those things and not realizing it or why I was doing it. Specifically tonight. I’m out of town for work, and W sent me a text asking if she could stay at the house tonight. I told her it was locked. She asked if she could get the key from the kids after school tomorrow and stay then. I just responded with “No”. At first I wanted to tell her she could because the old me wanted to please her and thought that if I did nice things, she would notice and reciprocate. But I realized that was just a covert contract, and I would be doing it just in hopes of getting something in return and it was not what I wanted. So I just said no. She responded with “K. Thanks” and I left it at that. I’m learning that my needs are important and I need to be true to myself. And doing things for other people hoping to get something in return is kind of manipulating and controlling. I never realized it before. I always thought I was doing something nice because I cared, but deep down, I had expectations...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
I’ve done really well lately at not contacting W. The problem is her contacting me. Sending me random texts saying that someone says hi, or a mutual acquaintance passed away. I’ve not been responding, but it’s almost like once I start to get her out of my head, I get a random text and she’s on my mind again...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
Texts Emails Calls Recordings Police reports of stalking My abuse counsellor log Doctors visits
For you that will include a separate subdirectory for each child.
You need date, time, type of interaction. Name of those involved and what they said. Responses. You can use a standard form.
Then you forward to a cloud space keep the date and time of uploading. Electronic trail. Complete as soon after the incident as you can.
I gave my L accessentials to the upload drive and kept anot Excel log with hyperlink.
I also kept copies of FB pages showing his behaviour as screen shots. This proved very important as evidence. It also was something I was able to refer to when I questioned my own sanity and experience.
I also recorded things here and doubled checked my logs against third party docs. I did find some inconsistencies on dates and times. That is inevitable.
This is emotional stuff.
Please Google High conflict divorce for resources on this.
It's hard I know. I will add some practical advice on these things to the Abuse thread in due course.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
