That escalated quickly; WW's A RESUMES(hoosjim#13)

[AnotherStander]

I also agree that you handled it really well Jim. "I'm scared" oh my gosh is that ever rich! What a drama queen. Sounds like another sappy technique to try and pull you back in, "oh big muscular Jim won't you come save this poor little damsel in distress?" Jim I'm going to say right now to prepare yourself for the suicide threat. Remember what Artista told you about her sitch? Your W is following Artista's script so closely that I would not be at all surprised if your W plays the suicide card soon. I think the way Artista's husband responded was spot on (he called 911 and reported what she had said and they arrested her and put her on suicide watch). Just be mentally prepared for that possibility and think about how you will respond to it.

[hoosjim]

p.s.--if i were you, i would continue to check the phone records

Lol, so, as it turns out, she is checking my phone records. I stop by the house at lunch to pick up a couple of things and to say hi to my son who's on spring break this week. Pull up the computer screen, and the first thing I see is the phone log with my call log pulled up. It just gave me a little laugh. So now she knows I am fairly regularly contacting her BFFs husband, who of course is my own best friend. Glad I haven't started contacting call girls yet or anything like that...

[SteveLW]

p.s.--if i were you, i would continue to check the phone records

Lol, so, as it turns out, she is checking my phone records. I stop by the house at lunch to pick up a couple of things and to say hi to my son who's on spring break this week. Pull up the computer screen, and the first thing I see is the phone log with my call log pulled up. It just gave me a little laugh. So now she knows I am fairly regularly contacting her BFFs husband, who of course is my own best friend. Glad I haven't started contacting call girls yet or anything like that...

This is so typical! LOL WW will usually project on to the LBH. "He really is pulling away this time, there must be someone else!" Their own guilt eats at them.

[hoosjim]

And now this: Oh great deleted it. Trying to do all this on a phone really stinks.

It was something about its "all me, I know" and all the "barriers and walls she always put up" and never was "able to fill fully committed to anyone" and that she "knows that now and is working with Jessica on it" and "I know I can fix this" and "I've probably said too much so I'll stop" and "I miss you hope you're having a good day."

I can't guarantee any of the above is an exact quote since deleted it like a big fat fingered idiot, but you get the gist.

She must have had a session today, too, because I went on the app to schedule mine and there was a bill for today

I don't think she's at all stable right now. Bouncing around...

[hoosjim]

She's wearing her rings. She hadn't told me that. I went back by the house again because I left some stuff there when I stopped in. Since I was already there I thought it might be a good idea to have more than two suits with me so I went to my closet to get another one in a couple of ties. She had been keeping the Rings in a little Swiss musical Jewel box that I had gotten her many many years ago. I had confirm this recently when I went to look for them so that I could see what the inscription was when I went to order my replacement. That was of course last week just two days before I got body slammed, LOL. At any rate, I noticed that the stuff that was usually sitting on top of that Jewel box and been moved off of it. I don't know what possessed me to do so but I open the lid and peeked inside and the Rings were gone. So I'm assuming she's wearing them. Either that or flush them down the toilet, LOL.

Great, and so I just now realized that that sort of distracted my mind and now I've left my new ring sitting back there at the house in the box that it came in. Oh well, I'm not going back now I'm almost back into my office. Maybe she'll find it and it will give her the guilts, LOL

[25yearsmlc]

Jim, really sorry you're going through this. The bottom line is your W is a lying cheater. You have that info laid out before you in stark black-and-white, there is nothing at all vague or unclear about it. I've got to say I fully support the Doodler 2 step plan outlined above. Do that and your W may hit rock bottom and finally come to you with a humble spirit. Right now she's not humble at all, she's a child who is pitching a crying jag of a fit because she's not getting her way. She's trying to manipulate you back into the status quo. Don't do it.

^^^THIS^^^^

I'm sorry that I am not confused by your wife's behavior.

My guy says she's not going to be or remain faithful to you now that she's experienced the thrill of it and the moderately challenging (exciting?) task of hiding it from you.

The only thing she's not doing is publicly leaving you for the OM, yet. But She's still a mom and there's a son at home right now.

I think it's called cake eating. Requires lots of deceit and fairly decent acting. But we LBSers tend to want so badly to believe them, their acting really doesn't have to excel for us to believe them.

Is she humbled? God, no.


Humility comes from accountability, NOT consequences. She senses a possible temporary consequence so she's pulling out the woe is me, which is self pity, NOT remorse.

She feels sorry for herself, not for the pain of betrayal on you.

Sometimes when you are in it, you can't see the forest for the trees. Step back and ask yourself what you'd tell another person in your shoes.

[hoosjim]

Also, I just have to say, I just love S18. He's such a sweet kid. Said "Bye, Dad! Love ya!" as I was leaving. Sigh. I so wish that things were easier for him. The Tourette syndrome and the associated issues make things so difficult for him in general. Not even sure if he is going to be College ready by the Fall. And now this.

[Ginger1]

She was caught. Her appearances are because she was caught.

True remorse and humility will come in time. She is having a knee jerk reaction to being caught.

[artista]

Her: "Im sorry. i hate that that there is all of this pain because of me. I never wanted anyone to get hurt. I know i screwed up so, so bad and i am so, so sorry."

this here shows that she is still in self-preservation mode... hopefully, she will get to the place where she just shuts down... and what i mean by that is she will stop trying to fix things with words...

i remember finally "giving in" and telling H in an email, "i can't do this anymore (meaning, i can't keep trying to keep things going... keep the marriage alive... really--keep the image of the marriage alive)... i don't want anything... i don't want anybody... you can have everything the way you want it..."

this happened during my fifth day in North Carolina... what triggered this was people were starting to ask questions--(family... i come from a large, close-knit family)... "what is going on with artista? what is going on with H?" another niece of mine--who is also my age, all the way from Oregon, called my NC niece and started asking questions... this freaked me out... i had a meltdown... then i sent the email... that is when i finally let go... and it was a necessary step in my healing... i had to be authentic to get the help i really needed... and that's when i began the first steps to allowing myself to be vulnerable... to drop the image of having it all together... this is when i changed the most, and the changes have been dramatic... i can share more about that later... but what immediately followed the email was depression... some anxiety, but mainly deep melancholoy...

[hoosjim]

I have stated that I did not hit rock bottom... To be clear, reality hit me. It did not take that much reality to knock some sense into me (thank God), but for some WW's......it takes a lot more. I experienced loss, but not near as much as some WW's.

So, Sandi, how did it feel to you? And how did you respond? Were you morose? Depressed? Energized? Defeated? I seem to recall you didn't start "working on" the MR right away? Or did you, after a fashion. I remember you saying it was like two years before OM was completely out of your head, but that NOT going to counseling in your case probably prolonged that. Were you nonetheless "doing work" during that time and, if so, what? And how did that "look" to your H?

You had a somewhat shorter and less profound track record of infidelity, IIRC, than my W, yes?

I mean... arrrgh! I just have so much frustration and anger towards her. Seems like she wants to just jump right back into working on things at the point we were at (my impression, at least). EVEN IF she were serious and EVEN IF she were trustworthy, it is so childish to even think that that is possible. Every aspect of a relationship requires some degree of surrender and vulnerability-- even just going out and having fun with each other on a casual date. You need to be able to let your guard down to truly enjoy the other person's company. And you cant let your guard down with someone who has (repeatedly) stabbed you in the back every time you've shown it to them.