Former WH, now LBS Please Help, close to Give Up

[sandi2]

Okay, I support your decision to drop the rope. I hope you understand what it means. I will try to help keep your focus on it.

1. I am going to be much more bigness to her than ever, if she ask why i behave like this, i will answer "seriously?", i know what i know (from snooping), i will not confront her about what i know, it does not matter any more (she know what she is doing, and she know i am not agree), that is enough.

Please explain what you mean by being more bigness to her.

I agree with your responses to her. It does not matter to her that you know about her affair. She is using her children.

2. I will resist to temptation to confront OM, it will looks desperate, i did not see, what good will achieve if i am doing this.

Correct. The problem is your wayward wife.

3.I am going further to done our new flat to live there in the end of June, till then i need some advice, how to handle the every day living with her, i expect her interaction with the OM, to increase much more, because of my 180 and drop the rope. She will do it to punish me as well as to get her high from him, i think this will go to full blown EA and possible PA,so i am preparing my self to that. From my side begging or pleading or so on, i cut this many years ago (i did when she was only WAW), but cut this when she become WW

It does not matter why she continues to see the OM. Understand? Wrong is wrong! Wanting to punish you, does not make her affair right.

If you drop the rope, you let her go. You do not show that you care what she does or who she meets. Do not interact with her, except regarding business issues and the kids. Don't help her. Shut her out of your heart. Don't share your thoughts or words with her. She does not belong to you. You are cutting her off from you.

4. I an sure, when i do 180 i behave aloof, and act as if i go with my life, she will behave very nice and pleasant, even more if i do not bug her about her where about or any other question about her, she will be even more glad ....?

Yes, you are probably right. But, too late for her to play these games. She has lost you. You have dropped her. Let her play nice. It makes no difference. Don't trust her niceness. It means nothing. What she thinks is not important to you, anymore.

5. Should i avoid contacts with her Parents, like going together with WW and the kids to drop the kids and take them to her parents?

Do not go anywhere "with" your WW. You are no longer a couple. She has torn it apart. Do not go to visit her parents with your WW. If you drop off the kids or take them to her parents, you can speak. Do not tell them your plans. Do not share your thoughts with them. Only be polite, and nothing more. Maybe some day you can share more time with them.

6.Should i put down my weeding ring or/and change my FB status.(i feel this will be more to punish her, instead to do something about my detachment.

That is your choice to make. I think you are too focused on what appears as punishment. You anticipate her punitive behavior, and you are concerned she will perceive your actions as punitive. Stop worrying about what she thinks.....if you are going to drop the rope. Be done with her.

7. This week, will be without the kids, should i stay out of the house (that will give her opportunity), to go out with OM at the evening, aka. make opportunity to PA?

I thought you had separated from her. Have you been staying with her in the house?

You cannot control her. Stop staying with her to prevent her having a PA with OM. You are dropping your emotional rope around her. Understand? Leave her to do whatever she wants.

8. Should i start separate finance about the house, or i will keep handle the household and the kids, but not pay for her things.

Yes! I warned you to protect your finances.

Should i inform relative about the separation?

If the relative will not press you to change your direction, then yes, you can inform your relative. If her parents don't know, you can inform them.......if she does not tell them herself. None of this is to persuade her decisions, but just to inform her parents.

When you have stayed away from her, then you will start feeling stronger. You must stop contacting her, except to talk to your children. Don't stop being with your children. You will need to fill the emptiness with other things. People need other people in their life.

You need to make friends who are not connected to her. You feel lonely because you do not have people without her and her family. You need to meet new people. Find good people. Don't show your desperation to new people. Do you belong to a religious group, where you might receive compassion and emotional support?

Where can you go this week to be in a good, safe place......and be around other people? What do you enjoy doing for fun? Do you have a hobby or activity you like?

Have you seen a doctor about your depression and anxiety?

Talk often to us, and we can try to help you with a plan. I hope my advice today will help you drop the rope.

Please ask questions about anything you don't understand.

[betheoa]

Dear Sandi and others,
Now i am filling a bit better.
I am glad Sandi you read all my mess from previous post correctly correctly, i was full of emotions, and i wanted to talk/write to someone, i just see you ask about me, and i felt to so alone. Thank you being there.

So what is the situation now...
My WW went for date, eat together with OM cake.
From my Previous convo snoop as well as FB snoop, she talk about me to OM, as we live together, and give each other total freedom. Of course, she do not put me in good light.
Today WW pursuit him about, further date, for lunch, diners and so on.

After work i went to sport appointment marital art (my WW and the kids go as well), but this time the kids are with her parents.

After her date with OM, she call me, and ask where i am, i told her, i am on my way, she ask me if i will go on time for firs workout (she will be there), i told her i will not, and will attend for second one, the she told me, that second one will not be, and if i wont i can go late for firs one, i told her i will not and go home, i was very short (bit angry) but try to be just firm, say bye. (from her respond i know she felt shouted down from me).

So i went home, i was thinking how to handle the evening when she come home, how to behave how to act, yesterday we were civil and even pleasant, she talk about her day (a bit).....how i can start to be with this new behavior, without snooping ....I tough i can just play as nothing happened...(but i already play this 6-8 moths ago) and this not bring any big changes (she was wondering why i am so happy, and she steel do what she do - this was convo with her GF)

I came home, her laptop was on the table as usual, with open FB, she did not make a effort to close FB (her PC has a bug from time to time, not going to shut screen down). I sow this as opportunity, to start a new page.

I left out, found a place to stay till the kids come home (Thursday), i am not call to my WW, she did not call yet (she know why i am not there, but she do not know my planes). This days i will not go home, i will not talk to her, will not answer if she call.

To be honest, other reason i not want to stay at home this evening, is because i do not want to see her (to see how much, efforts she have done to her appearance for OM, dress, make up and so on.) i know this is my EGO, but with the time i will handle it.
Also if i was staying at home, there was two possibilities.
-Just staying there without, speaking
-Start doing some thing on the PC and possibly be witness of her FB with OM
-be involved in argument.

So that is the situation now.

Now i am going to answer your question Sandi.

Okay, I support your decision to drop the rope. I hope you understand what it means. I will try to help keep your focus on it.

Thank You Sandi, it is mean a lot, i was/i am Nice guy, i am also codependent, and many other thinks - build with the time living with manipulative woman with low self esteem.

If you drop the rope, you let her go. You do not show that you care what she does or who she meets. Do not interact with her, except regarding business issues and the kids. Don't help her. Shut her out of your heart. Don't share your thoughts or words with her. She does not belong to you. You are cutting her off from you.

2 months ago i stooped share my everyday, i stooped talk about what i think or feel. I know from past experience, she love when i open my thoughts and heart to her, and she shut me down very hard.

Yes, you are probably right. But, too late for her to play these games. She has lost you. You have dropped her. Let her play nice. It makes no difference. Don't trust her niceness. It means nothing. What she thinks is not important to you, anymore.

Since i red your posts about LBS with WW, i put my self (when emotions allow me, in observe mode), and see the Game. The pity is that i know what is going one, but wont to believe that this time she made the turn ... at this moments i wont to kick my self very hard. i will not play this game any more.

Do not go anywhere "with" your WW. You are no longer a couple. She has torn it apart. Do not go to visit her parents with your WW. If you drop off the kids or take them to her parents, you can speak. Do not tell them your plans. Do not share your thoughts with them. Only be polite, and nothing more. Maybe some day you can share more time with them.

I understood, one of the most scary thinks for her, is about her parents to found out whats is going one with "Us" (it will brake them down) my infidelity in the past and her behavior now. I am not going to share my thoughts with now one, just the forum or/and if i found trusted person in real life ....yet there is no one.

That is your choice to make. I think you are too focused on what appears as punishment. You anticipate her punitive behavior, and you are concerned she will perceive your actions as punitive. Stop worrying about what she thinks.....if you are going to drop the rope. Be done with her.

message received

I thought you had separated from her. Have you been staying with her in the house?

yes Sandi, i share this some posts earlier, it was when i came home to see my kids and decide to stay with them as well as i was not ready logistically/financial to stay separated....to be honest and to see if she do/will do any changes. Now as i wrote above, begin to prepare our other flat for living it will take 3 months, it is close 10 min walk to our existing home. When the time come i have to figure out, what to say to the kids....

Yes! I warned you to protect your finances.

I will think about....when i leave, what support will do. For now i will stop, any other things except grocery and bills.

If i inform any relatives, there will not come any good. If the situation bring the things itself, the OK, but for now i do not see any good come from it. No one from my relatives or hers, has not any power to change my direction, not after information i found here.

When you have stayed away from her, then you will start feeling stronger. You must stop contacting her, except to talk to your children.

Yes i am filing this now, yet there is fall sown as well (just sneaky thoughts like, am i doing right things, is she WW, is the OM is real OM or a friend and so on )...but i know what is the reality.

Don't stop being with your children.

That is main reason, why i come back to home, after my leaving home for a week. When i have my one place to leave, they will come/stay with me, so i will not have to deal with WW.

You will need to fill the emptiness with other things. People need other people in their life.

Here i have to work hard, with the time pass 18 years together, my wife succeed to cut me off all friends i had (this will be for another topic, where i will write about how/when/why i have become WH...and how return back), I will try to reconnect some old friendships, and build new one.

Where can you go this week to be in a good, safe place......and be around other people?

This week, until kids come back to home i will stay at motel, go to work, write more to the forum, and maybe reconnect some friend of FB. I will try to see some friends for coffee...

What do you enjoy doing for fun? Do you have a hobby or activity you like?

This is not self pity plot, but from 5 years, every minute, that i am able, i think or i am with or i am doing something for my wife. So i know i am a mess, i hope with your help and others to start going in write direction. Last 5 years my hobby was to Goggle and read about how to save your marriage, how to be forgiven and think like this. I found this forum 2 years ago, but pay more attention 1 year ago, and finally take some real action like leave for week, or stand for my self after communicate with You.

To found out right information is very important, for example.2 years ago, when WW was "just friend" OM1 (there was similar attention to OM1 - like limerance) i found out the Red Pill forum, Alpha/beta mail things, Nice guy things ....and start to educate my self and the tings may become little better....then come OM2, and from one forum i was advised to perform Cake-eating, and be very understandable to her, because of my infidelity past....

So now when i really feel lost, i am stuck to idea i have WW, and i do not deserve to be punished any more for something i have done 6 year ago, honest apologize many times, and consistently show my change over 5 years.

Thank you being with me. This days i will write more, because i already have PC with me. last 1 mount i have not PC at home and wrote by phone.

[sandi2]

Quote:
Where can you go this week to be in a good, safe place......and be around other people?

This week, until kids come back to home i will stay at motel, go to work, write more to the forum, and maybe reconnect some friend of FB. I will try to see some friends for coffee...

Sorry, I was not clear. I meant, where can you go to be with other people? A place to find nice people, and maybe make a new friend.

I regret you went back to live with your wife. I understand you want to be with your children, but you could always pick them up and go out with them for some hours, until you can fix the flat for them. However, it is your business and I do not know your finances. Living with your wife is hard, and makes you weaker. I hope the next three months come quickly. It breaks my heart that she manipulated you away from your family and friends. You have been punished a long time. It's time for the punishment to stop. You have another opportunity to enjoy life.

She and OM are not just friends. She is a cheater. She is not respectful to her H.

So i went home, i was thinking how to handle the evening when she come home, how to behave how to act, yesterday we were civil and even pleasant, she talk about her day (a bit).....how i can start to be with this new behavior, without snooping ....I tough i can just play as nothing happened...(but i already play this 6-8 moths ago) and this not bring any big changes (she was wondering why i am so happy, and she steel do what she do - this was convo with her GF)

Do not worry yourself about how to act with your wife. You are dropping her. She is not an honorable woman. You don't care what she thinks about how you act. You don't have to stay in a room shut away. You are free to do what you want. Understand?

Please stop snooping. It does not stop her actions. It does not stop your pain. Can you delete her from her your Facebook? Don't read her messages to OM. That will be her life, and you will make a new life for you. Let go of reading her messages and snooping. You are getting stronger.

I left out, found a place to stay till the kids come home (Thursday), i am not call to my WW, she did not call yet (she know why i am not there, but she do not know my planes). This days i will not go home, i will not talk to her, will not answer if she call.

To be honest, other reason i not want to stay at home this evening, is because i do not want to see her (to see how much, efforts she have done to her appearance for OM, dress, make up and so on.) i know this is my EGO, but with the time i will handle it.
Also if i was staying at home, there was two possibilities.
-Just staying there without, speaking
-Start doing some thing on the PC and possibly be witness of her FB with OM
-be involved in argument.

If you can stay away, that is good. But don't delay fixing the flat due to not enough finances. Understand?

Thank you being with me. This days i will write more, because i already have PC with me. last 1 mount i have not PC at home and wrote by phone

Very good!

Take good care of yourself.

[betheoa]

Hi Sandi,
today i wake-up very sad, but i told my self you will make it today, tomorrow will see.
So i went to work....
Yesterday my WW did not call at all, she know way i am not at home...
today in the morning she call, i did not answer, the she call again 2 hours later, i did not answer. After an hour she call again - i answer (looks like emergency).
She ask haw i am (in very polite meaner, like nothing happened,
i answer - working.
She ask - did you went to work again yesterday (because i did not slept at home)
i answer, No, i did not want be at home - in very calm and firm meaner, (she sound confused about my answer)(did i screwed up saying i did not want be at home- like too much info)
She ask - when you come back at home.
I answer, when the kids will be back at home (she sound confused about my answer),
She said OK... and i shut her down by bye, and hanging off.

Late She call again,
ask if i talk to the kids, i say yes (yesterday),
she ask if they talk to me when they want to go back to home.
I answered they told me about coming at Thursday, and i told her to talk to them about when they want come home.

later she call me to say they want come home today, and if i can go to her parents to take them after my work (she is at work till evening.

So am i do something wrong?

I see her game to try to nice me, and bring me home by forcing the kids come home earlier, then it is planed.
I will behave, calm without being suck i any R conversation.

She was very nice at second call, she try to keep me on the phone.

Why she fore coming the kids to bring he at home?

Will write later,

[sandi2]

I was struggling to get out of bed and face my day. I kept saying, "Sandi, just put one foot in front of the other one, and you will move". Some days are difficult, but if we focus on this day......do what we need to do on this day.....and try not to worry so much about tomorrow.......we will keep moving forward.

So i went to work....

Good for you!

Yesterday my WW did not call at all, she know way i am not at home...
today in the morning she call, i did not answer, the she call again 2 hours later, i did not answer. After an hour she call again - i answer (looks like emergency).

Perhaps you can tell her to not call you unless it is an emergency.

She ask - did you went to work again yesterday (because i did not slept at home)
i answer, No, i did not want be at home - in very calm and firm meaner, (she sound confused about my answer)(did i screwed up saying i did not want be at home- like too much info)
i answer, No, i did not want be at home - in very calm and firm meaner, (she sound confused about my answer)(did i screwed up saying i did not want be at home- like too much info)
She ask - when you come back at home.
I answer, when the kids will be back at home (she sound confused about my answer),
She said OK... and i shut her down by bye, and hanging off.

So am i do something wrong?

No, You did very well. . I think she was trying to get more information from you, and she was finding a reason to call several times.

I see her game to try to nice me, and bring me home by forcing the kids come home earlier, then it is planed.
I will behave, calm without being suck i any R conversation.

She was very nice at second call, she try to keep me on the phone

.

As you say, it is her game.

You will make today good for you. Okay? Don't worry about what your W will do later. Just think about your job and doing good work today.

Do you have plans for after work today? Do you have a good book to read, or a good movie to watch? Treat yourself to something nice. Enjoy your personal space and time away from the stress at home.

[betheoa]

I was struggling to get out of bed and face my day. I kept saying, "Sandi, just put one foot in front of the other one, and you will move". Some days are difficult, but if we focus on this day......do what we need to do on this day.....and try not to worry so much about tomorrow.......we will keep moving forward.

Yes Sandi, i am going to deal with My/Her craziness day by day,but plan my logic moves long term.

No, You did very well. smile. I think she was trying to get more information from you, and she was finding a reason to call several times.

All the years, she has known every, moment where i am, who i am ...in the past she call 10 -20 times par day.

After OM1, i start changing this dynamic, to day i do not share any information about my day (only kids related) , if she ask i answer very short.

As you say, it is her game.

Yes i know how she behave, there is logic in her un logic behavior, and this is her selfish interest....Thanks to You Sandi, i am more confident to not fall back, to crumbs she trow on me (like being nice, interested or caring).

To day she is scared, about what i will do in future-so she is nice and polite, as well as yesterday she got i high from 2-3 hours meeting with OM.

Do you have plans for after work today?

I had plane to stay at the motel and write to forum and organised some thing on the PC - but as i wrote above, I am going to take my kids from her parents and go home with them. You can see ...her plan. She send them to the parents to have opportunity to meet OM, so OM will not be in this week as well i cut her of being at home if the kids not there, so she take them back. Out of my filings and anger, this make me smile of so much effort for 2-3 hours of feel good, but i remember this feeling from my WH past, the difference is that i cover what i have done, so no one to found out.

Do you have a good book to read, or a good movie to watch?

I will spend some time with my kids educate them about PC things, then will work on PC also will make some drawing about the flat i am going to prepare in 3 months

Treat yourself to something nice. Enjoy your personal space and time away from the stress at home.

Thanks very much Sandi.

Today i am going to handle this evening with honor and grease (be with the kids and WW around me). Yes my WW have OM in her Head and heart, but i am not allowing this to cut my confidence. Tomorrow will handle after i woke up.

Good evening Sandi and all others there, if i have opportunity will write later.
Sandi how you are doing? Every day i wait something from you as comment, answer or/and advice ..... but you are human ....so how are you today?

[sandi2]

All the years, she has known every, moment where i am, who i am ...in the past she call 10 -20 times par day.

Tell her to stop calling if not for an emergency, else you will not answer her calls. And, just because she asks you where you are and what you are doing.....does not mean you must answer her questions. Don't lie, but don't be her child. You are a grown man who does not have to answer to her.

I will spend some time with my kids educate them about PC things, then will work on PC also will make some drawing about the flat i am going to prepare in 3 months

Sounds boring.

May I make a suggestion? The kids want to spend time with just their father, not a PC educator. Maybe, PC education for a very short while? Can you take them to a petting zoo, or do something fun outdoors?

Sandi how you are doing? Every day i wait something from you as comment, answer or/and advice ..... but you are human ....so how are you today?

I made it through my day by putting one foot in front of the other. It kept me moving, which is good.

Please post, even if I can't respond every day. I hope some other posters will join. Sometimes, I get distracted when someone is having an emergency situation. I still care, even if I get behind with posting.

I have a good feeling about you. I believe you are a good man and a good & loving father. You are getting stronger and are going to be much happier soon.

[betheoa]

Hi there.
Day before yesterday, when i took the kids from WW parents, i do not stayed long with her parents, just take the kids and left. I got late, 2 hours late (because i spend time, reading and writing on here, as well as just have a cup of coffee). I did not call to WW (in the past it was norm to call her when i am there and when i left and so on). From month or so i cut this, she call me on my way back with the kids, to ask....nothing (what happening), i said we are on our way, she was surprise because we are late ...i did not explain nothing, just said bye.
When we got home, i start unpack the tings from the car, the she come from work.I just said hi and she respond...i continuous do what i had to do, i did not look at her at all, like she is not there.
We was start eating, she try to chat with me several times, i avoid this bay very short answers and not wiling to prolong the convo. Then she ask How were her parents, i told her they looks like fine and i did not talk much to them because i stayed there not for long .
She looked very questionable and worried, ask me did i go late for them (aka. am i not go for the kids right after work..) i just answer Yep -- and did not give her any other explanation.
After kids went to bed, she try to chat again, but i did not engage in the convo, i just answer comment with fue words (i did not want to do silent treatment her, but did not want to talk to her, she felt this and stop talk).
I did not ask her nothing, i did not confron noting, i behave like she is some neighbor i my house.
Later i went to bed before her (this is out of my norm ), after 5 minutes she came to bad.
All day i was fighting with the anger in me, about what how much effort she was doing to meet OM or/and others foggy things, because i almost do everything and she is so stubborn, but i have felt relief when thinking about My new flat after 3 months, and how free i will feel when i moved (i am like WAH), i am not felling the time with WW, as something worthy, even now she is soft, polite and chatty.

Yesterday i am performing at work much better, after work she call me to see if i am going home after work, to take some grocery on my way home, i was very short and collected on the phone.
Went home, all evening i was avoiding her, not ignoring (silent treatment) but avoiding. She made some suggestion to go to shop buy some sweet (in the past i take this enthusiastically - like a time together) - this time i did not even notice, than she said, she will not go out.
She ask me, should she make some cake
me: if you want
She: will you help me (in polite meaner)
me: sure (after 5 seconds silence - in the past i will sow her wanting to cook with me, as way of reconciliation-now i see this as temp check. So i help her a bit, but i was not showing any enthusiasm)
Did i do wrong help her cooking? This do not mean nothing for me, just temp check from her, try to softening the situation from her side.

There is new phone, her phone has some problems and not wring every time, so she asks if i would to setup the new phone for her, i answer her that i will do later. I did it. (if i was refusing, it will looks like i punish her ....grrrr). I think i am not going to do thinks like this i future.

Later on she went to bed, i went an hour later, spend some time watching YouTube.
All this evening i avoid her, i was not chatty, but spend time with the kids. She asks about the new flat, i answer very short and shut her down, about this topic.

So there is 2 days after my DDR (Decision to Drop the Rope).
And finally today.
When I came from work, WW was in front of the block with girl neighbor, I said hi , she ask if I will stay with them, I answer –will go home to eat something ..she answer she will come home in a minute (I did not ask her for that).
So she came home, I was the same as yesterday, avoiding her but not ignoring, not affection at all and very les attention (answering only with few words). She tries to chat, to see is there any difference in my attitude to her from yesterday – there was not.
In me there was one gut feeling …..so I was in waiting mode …. (I will post the main point of the conversation)
WW: So she starts …ask about what I am thinking about our new flat (the place where I am going to live after 3 months when is ready for living), last 2 weeks I told her several times what will happened, this time I am answering the same, after 3 months the flat should be ready then I will go there.
Me: I told her that I do not want any convo, about this matter, I told her that this type of convo did not bring any good in the end, and that everything is told so there is nothing more to be sad.
WW: She said, that it is time to talk, calmly and have constructive convo.
Me: I told her, that I agree, but my experience from our interaction in M or R talks last 5 -6 years, get very intense at some point in the convo, so the end result is negative always.
She: She turn the plot about, always it is me, and I turned this way (normally in the past I always try to calm the situation, as take the blame or give up of my point) , last few months I become more assertive, and she have difficulties to handle this (she clime this behavior from me as aggression or stubbornness)
Me: I sad fine, (just shut down of her).
She : So she continuous the convo and ask me why I will leave to the flat, when the flat is 5 minutes away? Why I need to leave our family home where I living with the kids, and moving just few minutes a way ?

Me: I answered – because I do not want to live with her (she was shocked – by my answer)
She; She answered that is enough to her, and she understand me, end she finally is convinced about my real reason for leaving her, and my disagreement about her “OM friendship” is just occasion. She told me that my real reason to not want to live with her is that she is not intimate with me from many years, and I want to leave her, but do not want to be seen as such a a**, so I need occasion, and finally her happiness with her friendship is the right one form me. She told me that she saw this, when I show I am not agree when she is happy.
Me: I answer, that like a man, it will be ridicules to be happy for my wife when she is happy from other man’s attention and affection.
She: The she start to talk they are just friends OM1 OM , and pay attention to her without asking nothing from her, and haw they save her from doing much more wrong things (like PA or something like that ..) and how they gave her so much but she gave so little …… And how she was not did/doing nothing wrong, and how i dare to want she to be miserable, and how I do not want her to be happy and feel herself and so on..
Me: I told her I did not want to listen (about OM`s), and is she doing something wrong or not is up to her perception, for me reality is that I will not live with woman that think such things (relationship with OM and flirty attitude) is nothing wrong. Period.
She: She ask me to not go/live with other woman’s I our new flat, because we bought together, and she is not going to take other mans to our existing home after me leaving.
Me: I answer, that this is not point of discussion, because separations is separation, we cannot have any expectation like this from each other, every one of us should move on with the life in some why ….. (she become a little nagging, then calm down)
She: Ask when I will divorce her, I answer when I need to. She ask if I want something from her ….(I know this trap, normally when she ask this I have start to explain some condition, wishes and hopes, if I show some level of attachment or hope for reconciliation, she shut me down very hard, as much pain she cause verbally as much she is satisfied)
Me:…this time I ask, just to clarify, what she have in mind …….she refuse to say exactly what she want to hear …after several asking’s from me, she told me if I want something from her about the divorce or/and about the flat. I answer that about the flat I did not expect nothing from her, about the divorce ….i told her when some of us have need/urgent to fail for divorce, to do it and inform other person.
Then she became very intense and nagging, she become treating me about, from now on she will do all thing she did not do until now, she will found someone else to look after for her, she will go on dating side to found some divorced men to live with her ……. many things like this. (in the past when she threatening about going to find some other men to be with her, and she did this when the thing do not went her way, normally I freaked out , I had become very angry, my ego hit the fans – it was because 5 years I did not touch her – she told me that she will not allow any man especially me to touch her sexually)…but not this time. I have looked at her in the eyes, smile very confident, and tell her story ….the message from the story was, there is billion people in the world……

I felt that the convo become intense, she was not so much calm any more, she tray to rotate again and again all her statements about , not doing nothing wrong, I was cheating, I was wrong, I want her to be miserable …..at this point I said I am done with the convo, the she said something about how wrong I am ….at this point I become loos my calmness ….
Me: I told her that when I came home 3 days earlier (when she date OM), her PL was open so I read everything, and told her to clear her head from the fog, and told her to found some clear had girlfriend to read her chat with OM, and to give her opinion ……
The I left the house for walk – I felt my self-become judgmental – and found difficult to bite my tongue.
When I came home 30 later, I continuous to behave with her like a gust, as before our convo.

I hate myself that was involved in R talk, I have tried my best to not talk about my or her emotion, just listen and set my point of view when is needed. I did not ,move back from my point to leave, This time I did not say - I will live if you……(not cut contact with OM), I said I am living after 3 months, when the flat is ready, she is very much aware what she have to do in order to stay with her …..i hope to be enough strong and handle all the provocation coming around, she will pay me back about my ground standing 

So I am not happy being involved in R talk, but quite satisfied about standing my point of not accepting cake eating as something normal, and something I have deserve as Former WH.

For tomorrow I am not going to have any expectation, I spouse tomorrow will feel very down, it is normal for me after R convo, where nothing is resolved. But for that will write tomorrow  or today after some hours.
It is just vent, please some comment, I will appreciate every opinion

[betheoa]

Hi Sandi

Tell her to stop calling if not for an emergency, else you will not answer her calls. And, just because she asks you where you are and what you are doing.....does not mean you must answer her questions. Don't lie, but don't be her child. You are a grown man who does not have to answer to her.

Of course not, not any more - and she is very pissed of because of this...Mrs Nice Guy slowly sail a way

Sounds boring. grin

May I make a suggestion? The kids want to spend time with just their father, not a PC educator. Maybe, PC education for a very short while? Can you take them to a petting zoo, or do something fun outdoors?

You are right Sandi, i become boring person, i am going to change this tomorrow WW is on work, i am with the kids at home, will found something fun with them

I made it through my day by putting one foot in front of the other. It kept me moving, which is good.

I do not know you well, but if everything with your legs is OK.....you are quite funny person

Thank you Sandi

[sandi2]

Do not be angry at yourself for having the relationship talk. She provoked you into having the talk. It is okay. Now she knows she is losing her husband.

She was testing you. She wanted to find the reason you were avoiding her.

Do not believe her bad words. Don't believe her threats to find men to live with her. She only wants to hurt you and make you feel guilty for leaving. She should feel guilty because she has not been a good wife to her husband.

You did very well, and showed much strength. She could not make you back down and act like a little girl. You showed much confidence. I am proud for you!

Please do not feel depressed. You will be fine, when you no longer live with her. You will be happy when you move to your new flat.

Thank you for writing the long post. I hope you have a good night of rest.