Steve we are all seeing the same things - why are you not seeing it? This is an easy call. Sadly you think you are smarter than the average DBer. I can see it in the advice you try to give others.
Please SLOW DOWN. This is not at all the time for any major decisions. Any T fresh out of training will confirm that.
As for any purchase, let alone a home, unless you are in some rare US state with rare laws, it won't matter at all who's name is on the lease or deed. If you are M you and your W get half the assets and half of any debt. There is no real way around that.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Steve, I can only say after having gone through the process of building a house with my husband and then having him decide to separate that the house brings a lot of sadness and pain. I never even got to live there. I guess you have to ask who would live there if you and your wife don't end up together, and how it would help or hurt your reconciliation if you do? Will it create more pressure or the feeling of being 'locked in' to your new place? Perhaps if you need to buy now as an investment because the real estate market in your area is heating up or interest rates are soon expected to go up then that's a different story. I hope you'll find the clarity you need to make the right decision for you and your wife!
Yeah, I'm really not any smarter than anyone else.
I think people are mostly just saying to be careful. Sure, you may be able to afford a house on your salary, but remember a few things.
1) If you do D, you will have to be able to buy out her equity in the house after splitting the marital funds.So if you buy a 300K house and put 20% down, youd have to give her another 30K out of your pocket to keep it (regardless of whose name is on the deed).
2) In addition to that lump sum payment, you will likely have child and spousal support. For what it's worth, I split custody of 2 kids 50-50, but I make about 2-3x my XW's salary. In my state, that meant I am paying over $1K/month. Depending on the variance in your earnings, you could be up in that range.
Im absolutely not a lawyer and the rules could be different in your state. All I think we're saying is that it is a really big decision even if you would want the house later. I didnt realize my marriage was in such trouble when I bought a new house, but sure enough, my ex left within 6 months of moving in. I guess she was hoping a new house would initiate change, but alas, it didnt.
Thanks Amoafwl. Yes I could afford to buy her out so that isn't an issue. Further, unless her attitude has changed (and since we are in the beginnings of what feels like R we haven't discussed it in a long time) then she wanted my daughter to live with me after D. My guess was so she could live, as sandi likes to say, a GGW lifestyle.
Regardless, I make enough that I could pay support and for the house. I wouldn't be able to fly to the Bahamas anytime I wanted but we all have to make sacrifices.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
We had a great time at dinner tonight. Really enjoyed ourselves. Weird because 2 months ago I wouldn't have thought this was possible. Afterwards l said: "Happy Anniversary. and thanks for putting up with me for 19 years." She said: "Your welcome. Happy Anniversary and thanks for putting up with all my crap." She then sighed a heavy, regretful sigh.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I think that's the best you could hope for at this point.
Don't read into it or heighten expectations.
Just be glad it
1) didn't go bad and
2) ended on a decent note.
Seriously, that's a positive - now let it go and move forward as if it did not happen. because this is simply laying a foundational step that you can later build on.
Know what I mean?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
