I have seen no efforts to make that happen. And I have looked.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
I have seen no efforts to make that happen. And I have looked.
Likely she will extend the deadline. And extend again.
Either 1 of 2 things will happen:
1) You'll grow tired of limbo and make the choice to file for D. 2) She'll eventually get over her waywardness and come back to the MR.
How long 2 takes is anybody's guess, but WWs/WAWs have been known to remain in limbo for years. It also will depend on what you do. In fact, if you ever get to the point of 1, that may be the trigger she needs to come back to the MR. The question is will you be over it by then and not want her to come back. That happens.
RR17, limbo is terrible so I know how you feel. In many ways I am still in a bit of limbo myself, though she seems to be doing the work and has stated she wants to stay in the MR.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I have seen no efforts to make that happen. And I have looked.
Likely she will extend the deadline. And extend again.
Either 1 of 2 things will happen:
1) You'll grow tired of limbo and make the choice to file for D. 2) She'll eventually get over her waywardness and come back to the MR.
How long 2 takes is anybody's guess, but WWs/WAWs have been known to remain in limbo for years. It also will depend on what you do. In fact, if you ever get to the point of 1, that may be the trigger she needs to come back to the MR. The question is will you be over it by then and not want her to come back. That happens.
RR17, limbo is terrible so I know how you feel. In many ways I am still in a bit of limbo myself, though she seems to be doing the work and has stated she wants to stay in the MR.
Yep, I believe the deadline is used like some kind of weapon against me. I've felt this from the beginning. Much in the way many Ws withhold sex. A point of leverage or bargaining tool. A way to maintain power. Not a healthy way to have a relationship.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Still holding, still living like friendly roommates.
IC ended Tuesday.
C likes that fact that W and I have started the ritual of watching rerun episodes of the Sopranos on a regular base. Usually one or two episodes depending on the night and time available. Like friends. W seems to look forward to these times.
We started out as friends 23 years ago. Surprisingly I don't read so much into it. C says and I have read that going back to courting phase is not unusual. I'm not will to accept that we are there. W yammers on about her day and what that idiot at work said and I listen and validate. Last time it was consensually mostly about me. Now it is about her. According to IC. I'm looking for a recon and W that experiences some sort of loss. Piecing etc.
I continue to detach in some ways, yet we make time for Tony and his murderous friends on a regular basis. The first run of these episodes was shortly after we got M. Perhaps it is cathardic.
Monday morning when schedules were permitting I texted from my upstairs bedroom "Do you want to come up?" W responded "Not this morning". Knowing I should have dropped it there I didn't, I responded with "Do you want me to stop asking you?" W said, "I don't know". Suprising, I didn't respond and let it drop there. Who know's what that all even means? I guess I am growing because unlike the past, I'm not jumping to any real conclusions.
Now, I am pondering ways to possibly pull back a little more.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
So W and I are heading to a morning car show. Yes, I told her about it. I didn't come out and ask her to go, she said she wouldn't mind going. Point is, she seems to want to spend time with me.
Am I making a mistake if healthy recon is my objective?
I have learned what I believe to be a much healthier level of Detachment as is often described here. "Differentiation of Self" is a term often used or Autonomy. A concept or skill or state that I have learned the importance of. Something that will hopefully help me regardless of what may come of my M.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
It is ok as long as you do not read anything into it. She still most likely wants a D.
Well, I'm open to this possibility. It doesn't fit in the DB concept of Never Give up. Why would I or W want to invest in an R that is coming to a close?
Perhaps she is cake eating. I don't sense it. In the past I have, but not lately. Lately, I sense genuine desire to spend time together. Increased respect.
Perhaps due to Ws observation of changes in me? IDK
Either way, I proceed with caution. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
For clarification: You've never heard of not giving up?
If I've got it wrong, please elaborate.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Monday mornings are sometimes tough. Back in the routine and imaginations and suspicions flair. I know I'm not supposed to care.
Detachment is a process with peak and valleys.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
