Did your wife apologize in a way that seemed she'd be willing to reconcile?
Sorry to hear about the pop tarts. Strange things can trigger a lot of emotions. It's nice to hear you were able to bounce back. It sounds like you're doing really well.
It's good that you've found what helps. I hope you reach each and every one of your goals. It sounds like you're a great role model for your son and that's really important for him to have a dad like you.
I absolutely agree on the goals, and this is something I have worked very hard to master. And it has helped enormously.
It is one of my great skills now! Yeah V is bragging....
One suggestion, goals work well with visualisation and activity/vision boards. I now create these on my ipad pro and laminate them when printed as folder dividers. I also have them as desktop pictures and screen savers. I have an apple pencil....
I have recently learned bullet journaling too.
It has really really helped.
Yes I noticed what you did, good for you.
And if you add furniture to your vision board it is likely to turn up.
I do understand wanting complete NC from your ex wayward, that's my stance too. It frustrates them enormously to loose control.
I am glad you are both safe.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Nicole: Thank you for the words of encouragement! They mean a lot to me! I read on your thread that you'll be moving sometime this year. I think by then things will be easier for you. These wounds don't heal but they do close up over time. I can tell that you have made progress. Keep it up!
V: The vision board is a good idea. I currently have my goals on my phone in notes but pictures will definitely help me "see" where I want to go. I have been focusing on my newfound freedoms a lot lately and it has been liberating to an extent. I still have my moments where the memories come back but it's becoming easier to focus on the good than the bad.
One day at a time, right?
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
Well the divorce is final and the house is sold. I have a new place I'm renting for myself and my son. I got none of the good furniture and she left me with a mess to clean up in the house. Anyways. It is over and done.
Some days are still better than others, but the pain is less sharp. It's more like getting slapped than getting stabbed in the heart, although I do have moments where I zone out. Very similar to the PTSD I used to experience before. Overall, it took WW four months to divorce me. I did not put up a fight in court or argue over petty crap. I took it on the chin and pushed forward with my own life.
People coming to this site will read my story as a failure, but it's not. This D was a huge personal success for me. If you read my history and see how lost and emotionally destroyed I was 4 months ago, I am like a different person.
I am much more confident today than I was when the bomb was dropped on me. I have more time for my boy. I have more time and money to do the things I want to do. I have a great place and a great truck now. My job is going very well. Am I happy? No, not right now... but I can say that I absolutely know that I will be.
I did speak with WW on the phone not too long ago. She admitted to everything and apologized to me. She knows she was wrong. She told me that this was all about her and not about me. She isn't doing any of those things. The only thing she's getting that I'm not is sex (and that's only because I consciously don't want to while I'm healing emotionally). Everything else that I mentioned above she is lacking in her life.
Looking back, I often wonder if doing what I did was the right thing... the harsh NC. The DBing. All of that. Sometimes I wonder if my actions post BD were contributing factors, but they're not.
She was cheating on me. I don't have time for that. I deserve better. My son deserves better. (So does hers.)
I saw her accidentally about a month ago at the school. Fake hair. Fake nails. Fake tan. Fake everything. She is so plastic now. Maybe she always was? I almost did not recognize her.
Fck that crap, I want a real woman in my life. Someone genuine. Someone strong. Not this weak artificial and superficial person my wife developed into.
So, when it's all said and done... did I get her back? No. I did not get her back, but I did get something even more important.
I got ME back.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
It's nice to hear your updates. It's kind of unbelievable the divorce is done and everything happened so fast. I wonder how some divorces take years and others can happen within weeks? I guess it's because you and she agreed on everything.
I remember you talking about how your wife was getting attention from other men but I can't remember at the moment if you caught her cheating? Did she ever tell you she was cheating herself? Is this whole ordeal because of a guy she met who she's now with?
When your wife admitted this is her fault did she seem to want to get back together? Or reconcile? Or was it more like "sorry, it's my fault, but I don't regret it!" I'm just curious because I'm still trying to understand how people like that think.
In some ways, the way this happened for you is better than spending years in limbo waiting, reconciling and being cheated on again, or just staying separated without any certainty (like my situation). I guess at least you made a swift recovery and now you're free to focus on your son and fall in love again when the time is right.
It's still sad though. You deserve a loyal, loving wife. You didn't do anything wrong. I hope it keeps getting better and better from here.
Nicole: I did not catch her in the act but I saw messages and she admitted to it. Yes, she is with the guy now. It's already "Facebook official" with them. No, she did not seem to want to reconcile. I asked her if she was happy and she wouldn't answer the question. She apologized for acting awful towards me, but had excuses. She justifies all of her actions, as if the things she did were OK because she says so.
For instance, it wasn't cheating because in her mind we were "basically separated by then". And by then she means while we were still living in the same house.
I feel kind of bad for her, but she does not have my sympathy.
Nicole, I don't know if we can ever understand this kind of thing. Everything about my wife changed for the worst. I admit I still feel very sad about the marriage failing. I do feel very lonely at times. However, I do feel grateful that I have my kid and my health. I hate what happened but I'll be OK.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
