Quick update, W and I were up most of the night reading through my daughter's text and social media messages. W is very concerned that sometime within the last 3 year our daughter was molested in some way, even if just by inappropriate touching. . We also have some reason to suspect she might be cutting. Since I struggled with that as a teen, to see allusions to this on her phones (memes, etc) is disturbing. Plus she has all of the other markers (long-sleeves even in warm weather), etc.
Steve, I can imagine how hard it is to deal with a teen age daughter while DBing, how are you both planning to handle this with your D? Be it as your MR is today, when it comes to kids being parents comes above everything else. I hope you are able to support and help your daughter as a single unit. You and your D are in my prayers tonight.
Steve, I hope things are getting better with your daughter. This can't be easy on her, and you either. You're in my thoughts and prayers...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
You have responded to many of my posts and I appreciate it. As I read through your recent sitch and all the good advice I think about my teen daughters.
I'm praying for you and that some clarity and relief might find you.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Thanks everyone. Took my daughter to work with me yesterday for Take Your Child To Work day. She enjoyed it (even though she is still grounded from her phone), and we had a great time, and it seemed like our old relationship was back. Last night when I kissed her on the forehead and hugged her goodnight, I said ILY, she said "love you too". Which she hadn't been typically saying.
Obviously dealing with a teenager is similar to dealing with a WAS/WS, it is a roller-coaster ride. Her messages to her friends showed a lot of anger at me for being withdrawn and distant for years. I may have said but one of her direct quotes was "I was excited for him to get home and he acted like he didn't exist, now he wants to have a relationship with me, well its too late!"
W did have a discussion with her 2 days ago and explained that I can't change the past, but I can change from this point forward. She said it seemed to have an effect, at least she said my D looked to be thinking about what she said. We'll see.
We are going to have a sit down with her tomorrow morning, and calmly discuss what we found and discuss moving forward. And discuss getting her into counseling so she can deal with some of this.
Thank you all for thinking about me and praying for us.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve - you are in my thoughts. I am also dealing with a teenager through this as well. I have gotten him some counseling to help him with the issues he is going through regarding our S and just teenage life in general.
Please keep us posted.
M: 50 W: 47 No kids together M: 10 T: 11 BD #1: 12/14 R #1: 7/15 BD #2: 1/18 D Filed: 6/18/18 D Final: 01/28/19 Currently still in-house
I understand this is cutting etc and possible molestation and what I am saying is controversial. Before anyone leaps on my post I am not saying ignore it.
Just build with D and let it unfold without drama. Consult first before you have an intervention as this can backfire on you.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Multiple teachers now reaching out to us that her class work has dropped precipitously in quality this semester. She got good grades last semester.
One teacher even told us that her group of friends, normally very high achievers, have all taken similar turns for the worse in their grades as well. Plus she is expecting her iPhone back tomorrow.
So V, I appreciate your advice but this is all coming to a head very quickly. We are going to have a meeting with her teachers next week, all of whom are concerned for her grades. She has a goal of getting into a particular university and with this latest the hopes of that are fading quickly.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Oh, and Wednesday my wife took her to the store to get her some new clothing she needed. My wife initiated a conversation about if she'd ever been touched inappropriately. D laughed and so "no, why would you think that? Trust me if anyone did that to me I would have either told you and dad, or I'd be in jail!"
My wife then asked her if she was depressed. My D said "Why would I be, our life is perfect? Look at it compared to my friends."
So apparently she has no clue as to the recent problems in the MR. Either that or she is holding it all very close to the vest.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Since I struggled with that as a teen, to see allusions to this on her phones (memes, etc) is disturbing. Plus she has all of the other markers (long-sleeves even in warm weather), etc.