MC and that decision is not his, it's his parents between them, and he should know this. So you may want to question why he is raising this with his mom. Mom may feel you have put him up to it.
You can't force him to respect his mom, and by telling him how to feel and think you invalidate. That is different from boundaries on behaviour which are your concern, but he sounds like a sane 15 year old. He may find IC very valuable, and if you wish that can then be extended to FC, you and he only if mom won't be included.
Go hug your son and have one on one dad time.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
S15 is in counseling. We also have gone in as a family with his counselor. The reason he talked about MC is because he saw a pamphlet at church for Retrouvaille and asked her if she would go. In his words "If you love me - you would do it for me"-She out right said no- I'm done. I think he sees that I have done what I could even before I got the DR book and found this site I was advised by a friend to do the Love Dare because of my catholic beliefs. Some of the dares did work but for most part she was too far gone. She has not said ILY or anything to recon since she BD. It may be the case where she's totally done. I want my family together more than ever but I know I have to focus on me now.Part of me feels that you get what you give because she is so cold with S15 that she putting very little effort into interacting with him even after she seen episodes of anger and hurt. My son also suffers from anxiety so he's missed alot of school - he used to be an 80-90% student. Now he's failing English while the other classes have dropped a bit. My only concern now is to be the best dad that I can be - be strong and continue my faith in the Lord.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
That's great LW. I used to short term foster teenagers with family issues.
Lots of dad and S15 time is indicated I think. GAL will help for the two of you. Joint dad and S15 GAL there is no better.
Consider a trip, a walking trip say or camping. It's surprising how nature can help. Learning to drive on a private road, something new and slightly off beat perhaps.
Extra classes on English?
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thanks again Vanilla seems you are always right on point!
My next question is the matrimonial home is in both our names. Now once my W leaves should I ask for all the keys back and change the locks. We also got a keypad lock for my son when he was smaller so that he would not have to loose the keys. Is that a part of setting up boundaries? Now her name is still on title and we will probably have to sell it in the future but since I don't have access to her place should she still have access to our home? She will have moved most of her stuff to her home I would think. Or do I make it a condition that i be home when she comes by?
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Legally speaking you cannot deny her entry to the matrimonial home while she still retains a portion of ownership of it.
My lawyer who told me that winked and said that if the locks "broke" that I could feel free to change the cylinders out.
When my ex moved out we agreed that she advise me in advance when she could come back to the house for stuff. She treated that agreement like a "guideline" and advised me a couple of times and just came when she felt like it others.
She kept her keys to the mailbox until her boss (who runs the post outlet) got them from her when I asked about changing the locks. She never gave back the house key until the sale of the property was final which was a looongg time after she left.
It is possible that she's been in the house since then - she knows where I keep the spare key. Some odd things have happened that I can't explain otherwise.
Since her new place is not a matrimonial home, you have no rights there.
PS - Make sure you have an inventory of what she's taking. That will come out of her side of the settlement.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Does anybody know what the success rate is for recon after DBing? Or even a educated guess? Just wondering from the vets who have been around what is the success rate after DB and also success rate after recon.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Does anybody know what the success rate is for recon after DBing? Or even a educated guess? Just wondering from the vets who have been around what is the success rate after DB and also success rate after recon.
As far as I know there are no stats anywhere on any recon.
I tracked 100 random board posters. Many just disappeared. And stats here are likely to be skewed as possibly the cases here are the tail of a bell shaped curve.
Chances of recon with a wayward are 3 R at 5 years only 1 R remained, 1 unknown and the last the wayward cheated again. This is all subjective.
With a walkaway it was 8R all where the walkaway was female, one is a same sex partnership. I only know of 2 R where the WH even pieced and only one seems stable Cat04.
There are threads that track success stories Mozza created those.
Waywards often marry OP, the stats at 5 years are better on those, there were 9 and 7 surviving at 5 years. It's too early to tell but beyond 5 years these R start to fail.
There is a study on 5,000 females comparing the LBS (divorce sitches) and the OW. After 5 years the LBS is in the much better position, financially and in terms of mental health. It would appear that second M stats are skewed by OP marriages.
No studies on men but I think if men DB for themselves, concentrating on their development then they too end up with healthy lives. Anecdotal only.
That is the best I can do on it. You can try yourself by selecting threads as if they were cases.
The important thing is learning, growing and developing irrespective of new R. I didn't save my abusive R, I should not have DB my abusive sitch, but DB saved my life. With fabulous support from my tribe I got through.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Vanilla you are just full of knowledge. Thank you!
Last nite my W told my S15 and I that she was going on a trip with her sister for 10 days. She did not divulge anymore information than that. Should I offer to take her to the airport? To possibly see if it's her sister or OM? Should I pry to get more information ? Just in case something bad happens to her? What should I do- how should I handle this?
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Do you need INTEL? If you know about OM and you have evidence don't snoop. Otherwise ring her sister whilst they are away or sisters H with a niave question, such as I can't find the lawnmower or I forgot is there a d3ntal Appointment? Then smile.
Otherwise you are enabling her A, why drive her to an OM. Stance should be "yes, I know what you are doing. We both know so quit lying"
My thoughts
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
