Vanilla there is no concrete evidence of OM- I'm just wondering what to do ? If there is an OM do I change my game plan? What about asking for details so I know where she is in case of a terrorist attack? She still is legally my W. Your input is greatly appreciated.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Vanilla there is no concrete evidence of OM- I'm just wondering what to do ? If there is an OM do I change my game plan? What about asking for details so I know where she is in case of a terrorist attack? She still is legally my W. Your input is greatly appreciated.
No LoneWlf, your game plan stays the same:
Detach. 180s. GAL Be the best you that you can be and show your W that you every chance you get.
The rest is in her court. She'll either come around or she won't. Focus on what you can control: YOU
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
On a little side note. For those of you that have been following my stich. My wife has two older siblings. The eldest a brother who she rarely talks to. Maybe twice a year to wish him Merry Christmas and happy Bday. She has an older sister that lives 15 hours drive away. This is who will be traveling with my wife probably to some mystical place. My wife also made me cancel a family therapist appointment for next Monday. One where S15 was going to be able to share his pain and ask her questions so that he could better understand why she is doing this. As always it has always been about my W. Maybe it's my fault cuz I may have spoiled her and now she feels entitled. Since she was the primary breadwinner I always thought I had to make it up to her by cooking , cleaning, laundry, groceries. Now my wife looks up to this big sis. And thinks the world of her.
Back to big sis-This big sis has been thru 6 failed relationships since I started dating my W 20 years ago. This Big sis is a so called Life Coach preaching this new age religion things like Reiki, healing stones, psychic readings, naturopath and so on. Everything that goes against the teachings of the church. Now don't get me wrong- I have nothing against people with different beliefs but my wife met me and pursued me at church presenting herself as a Godly woman. We were married at the church - baptized our son and then renewed our vows after 10 years. Not once did she question our faith.
Two years ago when we went to visit her sister around the time of my S birthday - Big sis, my W and big sisters partner of 2 yrs did this ritualistic right of passage ceremony. Almost cult like- dressed in a spiritual robe with candles and incense and a Tibetan gong. At the time I shrugged it off as - whatever. Then I see books about channeling, and I know of 2 trips to psychics, and I see W have a fascination with the medium shows. To add to that, I have found out Big sis has just changed her FB status to single. Now 7 failed relationships since I've known her.
And this is who my W thinks is a relationship expert. My W talks with her big sis 2-3 hours each day. One other point is this Big sis has 2 grown boys - the youngest S30 hates his mom and will not call visit and wants nothing to do with her. My S15 has made this same comment to my W to show her the damage it's done to his cousin and now him. I cannot help but feel deceived and lied to for what I thought was a Godly woman is one who is now practicing pagan vales. Let me say again -who am I to judge- Just an observation.
Sorry for the for being all over the place and the long winded rant but my question here is is this a sign of a MLC (W is peri meopausal) or WAW? Please enlighten me.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Definitely a red flag. However, again, you cannot control her. All you can do is be the best you that you can be. If she is going to go off to Paganism like big sis and leave you, there is nothing you can do to stop it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Found out she is going with big sis to soul coaching event where they can be certified to lead ceremonies for births, deaths and marriages. My W has been married twice and her big sis has been in 7 broken relationships since I've known her.What a bunch of BS.
My question now is this weekend I'm going to be switching my summer tires and doing an oil change, I usually did hers too at the same time. Do I just maintain the status quo and do it ? Do I ask her for her permission first? Or do i just let her figure this one out herself?
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Does your W use her car to transport your son? If so, I don't think it hurts doing mainteance on your W car. And since it's something you have always done it won't be pursuit. You are also the man of your house and that shouldnt change because of your Waywardness.
Oh, and you don't have to tell her you did those things. Just see if she notices. Just do, them and go about your life as usual.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Since my wife BD - my S has been strictly asking me to take him places. He's so upset with the W that he doesn't even ask her anymore. He came home yesterday with 2 tickets to his school band concert which will be held at the local theater. He asked me not to tell my W but asked me to take his favorite aunt (my sister). Should I let the W know or just let it be? I don't want to upset my S as he and I have become close and I seem to be the only one he trusts. Input is greatly appreciated.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Don't run mum down as in scummy mummy, but just step out of the way. The only things to discuss are those of mutual concern, health issues for instance. Ano don't tell him to honor his mom or his mom loves him, it's his view of it that counts.
Take the tickets and you and your fav sis go to the concert. Have a great time. I would just let that be as it falls. No drama.
If mom can't be involved with her son that's not your job, she is a parent too.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I may not post for a while cuz W is away for over a week but one question I have is that while DBing do you keep your wedding band on or do you take it off as a sign of no pressure? Also when is it an appropriate time to remove the band - after separation or after D? Is there a definitive answer or is it only when you feel the time is right?
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
