So last night was MC. Most of the session was centered on our D, and the issues we are having. Counselor agreed that our focus should be on her for now, with the level of changes that she is facing.
When we got home we confronted her.
DENY DENY DENY
Even when showing her messages where she used bad language and other discussions she shouldn't have had, she claimed a "friend" knew her Snapchat pw and was posting as her. She held on to this explanation and would not give it up. Even with her mother and me telling her we didn't believe that, she would not give that up.
My W told her things are going change. Her freedom is being curtailed. We haven't decided if and when she will get her phone back. We are going to start instituting a couple of family devotions each week, as well as a family game night. We admitted to making mistakes, I admitted to making a lot of mistakes.
We saw some flashes of her recent bad attitude, and we those moments were met with extremely forceful responses suggesting to her that we are in control.
We'll see how it goes moving forward. She has been much more well-behaved since she realized we knew some of her behavior and since the contact with a second teacher.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Hi Steve, as stressful as it is with your D, for her to see her parents as a team will make a huge difference. During these times I am glad you and your W are taking this as priority and facing it together. Putting family first is the first step. Hope it brings about a change in your sitch with you W.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
1st, I am taken aback by the recent reactions of some here getting advice, and their vitriol towards those that provide advice they disagree with. Remember, everyone here is trying to help. No one is trying to make you feel bad, make you feel inferior, make you do the wrong things. When people are frank with you, even if it stings, you should remember what I just said, and be thankful for the forthrightness. Remember, if someone points out something they are perceiving, you should be introspective about that, and not assume the worst in the other poster. Being non-receptive to 2x4s is probably a big reason you are in the marital situation that brought you to the board. So think about why what someone typed is hurting you, and realize that it probably has more to do with you than the other poster.
2nd, when you've been posting regularly here, and you go dark from the board for several days or even weeks, where is the common courtesy to just check in and give a brief update, even it is just to say not much has changed? Some of these folks give a lot of time and effort and thought into their advice, the least you could do is check back in after a couple or a few days to let them know how things are going.
Anyway, just a couple of thoughts I've had recently. I see this forum as a community, a community I care deeply about. Marriage is sacred and worth trying to save! There are many caring people here that are passionate about that endeavor so try to remember that.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Well said Steve! I value your input on my posts and see that you and a bunch of others do take the time to read, understand and put a ton of effort into your responses. There are and will be in the future, times that I needed to be hit by the 2x4 or just explained a better way to handle or word a situation. This is an amazing board! It is a very integral part of my support group. I appreciate it very much. Like everyone else, I wouldn't have found it unless my MR was in such a turmoil and trouble, but here we all are. Wishing everyone well in their own particular situation and hope for positive outcomes in their lives!
M51 W44 T21 M18 D14 S11 BD date 9/17 W filed 02/18 W withdrew petition following week In house separation 03/18 In Limbo and DB'ing since 03/18 W is moving out by mid Nov 2018 A drawing up paperwork 11/18
Great post, Steve! You are always such a positive presence here and bring a lot of optimism and enthusiasm. The input I have received from you on my own thread has been incredibly encouraging and, though I don't know you in real life, I really think you have a gift for seeing the bright side and bringing positive energy.
Not everyone has that style, but it certainly doesn't mean that they aren't posting with great wisdom and the best of intentions. Personally, I love receiving a balance of input from everyone in this community. The 2x4s are 100% necessary for getting rid of the tunnel vision and waking us up to reality. They are vital for looking at the situation objectively and being able to grow from it. They might sting, but like you said, they should be getting you to really think about your own faults and how to improve. If you can't do that, this board probably won't be able to help much and you probably won't be able to do what you need to save your M, which is the reason we are all here!
I hope anyone who feels they have been attacked here, or got offended because they got hit with a 2x4, reads your post and benefits.
M: 26 W: 26 M: 1.5 T: 3 No kids BD: 31 March 2018
W's affair began: 23 March 2018 Affair confirmed: 18 April 2018 Confrontation/claims she ended A: 14 May 2018 Ended in-house separation: July 2018
