Sadly I am not in great shape, still not D, but the G won't get the last part of the settlement until he removes his objection to my D application. I am a mess on many days.
The point is S15 opinion doesn't count and should not count. Your M is your M, confidential to you and W.
I love hearing about dad and S15 time. You don't have to be super dad just best dad I can be.
Awesome
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
"I've asked my W- when was the last time you did something with him that was just for him? Not forcing him to do something you wanted to do. She did not have an answer."
This is not DB. Yea, we all screw up. Just know it when you see it.
Wolf, I'm not sure you are grasping what others have said.
Do the 180 or rules or LRT, but leave the boy out. His relationship with his mother does not involve you. Not now.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
RR- I guess in this conversation I let my emotions get the best of me. I felt I had to say it to show her she was not as invested in our S as I was. I guess Instead I should have used the opportunity to validate. Thank you for setting me straight!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
I felt I had to say it to show her she was not as invested in our S as I was.
This isn't a competition. Why compare? To control?
You hit the key. Don't let your emotions get the best of you. Read about Differential of Self, practice Mindfulness meditation.
Listen we all screw up. Why? We let our emotions get the best...
Why show her anything other than that you are moving on regardless? She isn't going to see it your way anyway.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
RR- I guess in this conversation I let my emotions get the best of me. I felt I had to say it to show her she was not as invested in our S as I was. I guess Instead I should have used the opportunity to validate. Thank you for setting me straight!
The thing to remember LW is that she doesn't care. She is in hyper-selfish mode right now. If you could look into her brain she'd have thoughts like "I've taken care of H for X # of years, and S for 15 years, not it is time to take care of me!" WWs/WAWs are the most selfish beings in the universe. There is not guilting them into anything. They will never see it the way you do because of the fog.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
"I've taken care of H for X # of years, and S for 15 years, not it is time to take care of me!"
She at one point said this to me which does not make sense because once you decide you have kids I feel- Since we want whats best for our kids- Always wanting them to have more than you have. Then your focus should be kids first and you lose the right to play the selfish "Me card" . The kids trump everything. My 2 cents.
So when do they actually realize that what they are doing is wrong?
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
"I've taken care of H for X # of years, and S for 15 years, not it is time to take care of me!"
She at one point said this to me which does not make sense because once you decide you have kids I feel- Since we want whats best for our kids- Always wanting them to have more than you have. Then your focus should be kids first and you lose the right to play the selfish "Me card" . The kids trump everything. My 2 cents.
So when do they actually realize that what they are doing is wrong?
Every one is different. Some realize it right away and do it anyway. Some never come the realization. No one can tell you.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve , RR thanks for the good information from your posts,
Whats been happening now is that since my W has left for over a week and as things proceed I'm noticing alot of radical mood swings. For instance, I'll be coaching my sons baseball game and this used to hold my attention indefinitely because I love sports and competition. Then a wave comes over me like " look at all these families here together- my life is really gonna suck without W!" It could be a beautiful day with a great game going on but often times -It just hits me and drags me down. Do you guys ever get these waves of negativity? How do you combat them? When does it get better?
On a side note I have found out that my wife has left to attend a course on new age spirituality. When we met she was a Godly woman attending church each Sunday as a family. She and her sister are fascinated with things the church views as wrong. Things like Fortune tellers, mediums, tarot cards, healing crystals , reiki (they both claim to be reiki masters) and all the meta physical beliefs. As I said before I am not slandering anybody that believes in these things- I just feel i have been deceived by my W. One of the things I also found about this course is it will allow the to be certified to partake in what they term Life transitional moments. Meaning they are certified to officiate in births ,deaths and marriages. If you've been reading my stitch you will know my W was married once before me - had it annulled then married me and we renewed our vows after 10 years with the same priest that married us. Her sister since I have been with my wife - has been thru 7 different relationships in 20 yeras. And now they can officiate in marriages when they are often the cause of marital breakdown. Go figure?
My question now is because of this new found belief and this wanting to grow spiritually- does this change anything in my strategy of focus on me- DBing and doing 180? Has anybody experienced stuff like this ? What can I expect? Your input is greatly appreciated.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Lone, lots of stories on here about WWs abandoning their Christian faith, no matter how devout they were prior to their waywardness. The new age spirituality isn't the problem. It is a symptom of her waywardness. My W was the same. Prior to last fall she was so devout and faithful. Studied her Bible etc. By Dec. she was ready to chuck it all for her waywardness.
Luckily she never completely left and is showing signs of being devout again in the last couple of months. She is back to doing the extra things for the church that she used to do. If the truth is in your W's heart, she may eventually come back to the faith. But there are a lot of people that fall away that never return. The Bible warns us to take heed, if we think we stand, lest we fall. Hopefully her fog will lift someday and she'll come back home (spiritually and physically).
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
