Well, it is funny you mention that. My wife and I, I feel, are in full blown R now. Remember she made a similar declaration of moving out, and after some initial activity towards that all efforts stopped. She remained "determined" for about another month after her efforts ceased. But after another month verbalized wanting to stay and even that she was recommitting to the marriage.
Now, here was what finally broke through (besides having a good MC too) was my just shutting up about the MR. She told our counselor that as we had fun together, and have fun, interesting, and stimulating conversation that her desire to stay grew. The MC then suggested going down to every other week on MC to help with that (since you spend so much time in MC talking about the MR).
I know sandi says that WWs need to have a big wake-up call, and in general that is probably true, but slowly, gradually, I watched the woman I knew prior to all of this slowly return. There are aspects of her that are healthier. She is much les likely to take things personally now, she is not afraid to stand up for herself and her thoughts and feelings, and in general she just doesn't take crap like she did a year ago. But you know what? I love that!
So RR it could be your W is on a similar trajectory, that slowing over time you guys will transition into R almost without realizing it. I don't know if she is open, at all, to MC, but if she is that can help. Our MC has had us reading books that my W would have had 0 interest in reading after BD.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve, that all sounds familiar. We did MC years ago and W pulled the plug. too much MR transparency and discussion for W.
I have no idea what this one is thinking/feeling. I go by actions that I am to only half believe.
In your sitch, and they're all different, all I will repeat is without proper R including remorse and a loss, I ended up here again. Perhaps my expectations are wrong but I desire a proper R this time.
I read and will copy from another article that I recently read. It all fits in with DB. I am considering increasing my efforts in these areas.
Less Talk
Up to this point, you probably have been talking too much. Start limiting the amount of communication (talking, texting, emailing, phone calls, etc.) you have with your spouse. Keep away from emotional conversation. If your spouse invites you to talk about how you feel, give an honest answer, but keep it brief. Restrict conversations to business-of-life issues (schedules, paying bills, responsibilities, children, etc.) and avoid bringing up relationship concerns. The key is to focus on communication that allows you to remain confident, calm, and in control.
Less Time
You should be less available to your spouse. I don't mean you should selfishly refuse to do anything with him/her, but I do mean you need to make sure your calendar includes some activities/events that are just for you (or you with the rest of your family). You are capable of finding meaning and enjoyment in life apart from your spouse; they need to experience that.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Not much has changed. School gets out this week and I see no signs that any progress is being made to move out. Nor has she mentioned in a few weeks.
W continues to demonstrate more consideration and respect toward me than she has in a decade. Is this simply the removal of pressure? IDK
For the most part, I have personally been okay. I have realized more and more about what control within the relationship consisted of. I have been getting more exercise and other than our nightly watching of The Sopranos, I am pretty much MIA.
I may go into deeper depth about my self-realizations in another post once I have more time and sort my thoughts.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Forgive me forum for I have sinned. 


When we first get here we think our situation is different.
The more we read, the more we see we are more similar than unique. 


When we arrive we look for that trick that technique to snap this stranger out of there trance. 
After a while, we realize that there is no trick and the best practice is to move ahead. 
To regain our own inner peace. It is then and only then that our changes have any chance at being noticed.


We all have value. It is just no longer seen by the one that we need so desperately to see it.


But all is not lost. 
These stitches do all come with gifts. The W may grant you the gift of time. 
Time for you to realize where we got off track. Time to detach from a toxic environment. 
To realize how we have lost ourselves. While becoming a unit enmeshed we often lose autonomy. 
Our codependence on people and emotions beyond our own control has come at a great price. 
It is now that we have the opportunity to fix ourselves. 


Perhaps they will notice. Perhaps they will see the error of their own ways. Hopefully, we will get out of the way in time. 


Either way, we will be changed.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
I don't know what caused the crazy coding. Perhaps cadet can fix it.
I'm not in the habit of writing prose but this can to me in the shower this morning.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Cadet, Thanks. I typed the post in apple notes. When I copy/pasted it here it had no line breaks so I re-added. I did preview it and formatting looked fine. Once I posted it had the crazy characters.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Apple "Notes" is a notepad program within my laptop. I figured as much.
No problem, I just wanted to give the feedback.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
