M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Nothing really to report. We continue to improve. I am happy to report that while things are returning to "normal" that includes a lot of 180s from me. I am present, with the family, and we eat together, and watch TV together. Wife and I are really stressed over daughter's sitch still, but we discuss it regularly. We talking about instituting a family Bible study night as well as a family game night. Been hectic these last few weeks, seems like we've been on the go a lot with various events and activities, but we still plan on doing this.
Wife is taking more interest in household chores. One of my 180s was to not harp on her or nag her about things that need to be done and she has really responded well to that 180. I've been consistent in this and whenever there is something not done I either leave it, or if it is really affecting my OCD then I just go ahead and do it.
We are about to sit our D down and discuss that we've installed spy software on her phone and give it back to her. We'll see how that goes. I still struggle with the entitlement mentality she has. We have been financially blessed and I fear she is spoiled because of that.
MC is every two weeks. The sessions continue to be productive, and W is engaged in both the sessions and the homework/reading that is assigned. Only real thing she has been lagging on is making a psychiatric evaluation. She's been on the ADs for going on 10 years now and the C thinks she really needs to get evaluated to see if the meds are correct, and to see if she can get off of them with therapy.
Other than that we are just being a team again on things, talking more than we have in years, and are just much more connected and in tune with one another. I continue to work on self-differentiation, which after doing all of the reading I've done I feel is 100% necessary to have a healthy MR.
So that is it. No news is good news.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve, so proud of you. Looks like there is light at the end of the tunnel. You have been instrumental in helping me so far in my journey- Thank you!!! Stay well!!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Happy for you, Steve. Hope things keep moving in the right direction...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
I wouldn't say that's "no news", but great news. I'm really happy you have done some hard work to repair your marriage, and that she's responded to it. Keep it up!
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
I understand DB process is all about making us better and looking past the hurt of our failing/failed MR. If there is no reconciliation the stories and people involved are still a success for making the best of the worst times handed to them, but what all of us need to read more often to lift our spirits is success stories with reconciliation. The mix of the two keeps the rest of us motivated. Steve, I am so happy to see you on the path of reconciliation, I know it is still too early but reading your updates makes me feel you are on the right track and I really hope you are able to save the M. Kudos to you for having the strength to do all it takes.
Glad to hear things are progressing. I hope that others see that you are moving along because you jumped on the bandwagon early. We can force these changes but Detaching and vigilance can speed up the process. IMO
Self-differentiation is an expanded concept of GAL and a very important ingredient for most any close relationship.
Congrats on your signs of progress.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Thanks everyone. As I have said there is no two sitches exactly alike, and I've documented my sitch pretty well in my threads. And while I made a lot of mistakes, when I did things well the response was almost immediate. My W proved to me the pursuit/distance dynamic that is so well documented. The minute I would back off and move away she'd come forward full speed. But the minute I took a step toward her, she would put on the brakes and go the other direction.
Another thing that I learned, at least in my sitch, is stating clearly and unemotionally what you were open to can make a big difference. If you remember, my non-sexual wife had suddenly become very sexual. She didn't see that as a possibility with me at first. But as I GAL, 180'd, was the best that I could be, that slowly changed in her mind. And my being clear that I was always open to that eventually made her comfortable enough to be open to it herself. Note, this was not pressure. I did not ask her for sex, or just try to initiate. I made it clear to her that I would be happy to fulfill that role for her. She eventually took me up on it.
I appreciate the support. I am still open to 2x4s, and perspectives to keep in mind. And a big thank you to everyone of you that read, responded or both!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
So my wife continues to show signs of being back to her old self!
My daughter went to an amusement park today with a friend, so I took the opportunity to initiate, and it was wonderful. She was into it, and we really enjoyed it. Took her out for lunch afterward, and on the way we passed an elementary school. She said to me in a whispering voice: "Thank you." I looked over and she had tears in her eyes. I said "for what?" She said: "For letting me stay home with her (meaning our daughter) as she grew up. I am so grateful that as fast as it went by I had the opportunity to be home with her and be at her school anytime necessary."
I validated her feelings, and said I was grateful we were blessed enough to make that happen.
If you had told me in January that a day like today could happen I would have told you there was no way in the world!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve- amazing what this journey has done for you and your R. I am truly happy for you. Thank you for always giving me your wisdom and support. Blessings!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
