Moving on (Saying ILY pt. 5)

[SteveLW]

Hang in there mtb, there is light at the end of that tunnel.

[OrangeK]

Youre on a low brother. You helped me through probably the worst low ive seen thus far in the last 2 weeks. Your roller coaster is headed up MTB, just hang in there.
It sounds like your sitch might reach a catalyst point. Your WW seems to be becoming more and more unglued and it seems to me the locals arent buying her BS. Your persistence, strength and perseverance have been noticed not only by the locals but your kids im sure too.

Wit hthe way you have handled all she has thrown at you, i dont think youre a lighthouse MTB, youre The Colossus of friggin Rhodes.

[mtb1981]

Thanks, guys... I haven't had any contact with her for a little over a week. She sent a couple texts on Wed and tried to call on Fri, but I never responded to either. It's just a matter of time before she pops up. Not quite sure how I'm gonna handle it. Part of me just wants to keep doing what I've been doing and the other part wants to call her out on her BS. I really just want to ask, "Hey, what's with all this. Have you really convinced yourself that I show up at your place in the middle of the night an slam your head against walls? Seriously, what's with that? We both know it's not true, so why keep saying it?". I'd like to see her reaction and response to that. I meet with the lawyer tomorrow to go over the paperwork before he sends it in. I'm really having a hard time with this. Especially the financial aspect of it. It really grinds my gears that I might have to give her half of everything I've worked for my entire life. Half my retirement fund, the equity on the house, spousal maintenance, etc. Why should I have to pay her for ruining our lives? I feel like the big loser in this whole deal. I never wanted any of this, but yet she gets to walk out and get handed a chunk of money to continue on her warpath. It's a bunch if bull$hit...

[OrangeK]

I can say this. The financials will likely not work out like you expect, you probably wont get a raw deal there.

File first if thats the route youre going. Being the petitioner has its advantages.

And.....i know this may sting, but you may want to consider protecting yourself with a Rest. Order.
She is too volitile.

I know, my RO sux and is a pain in the D process, butyou need to be safe for you and your kids. What if some of the S**t she is throwing at the walls eventually sticks and you end up in legal trouble for something your innocent of.
I know how that feels and it is crap.
Id ask your L about it.

[mtb1981]

I can say this. The financials will likely not work out like you expect, you probably wont get a raw deal there.

File first if thats the route youre going. Being the petitioner has its advantages.

And.....i know this may sting, but you may want to consider protecting yourself with a Rest. Order.
She is too volitile.

I am the one filing. As much as I don't want to, I need to do what is best for me and the kids. I also planned on bringing up the RO or OOP tomorrow when I talk to the L. I just need her to stay away from me. She's lost it. With the stories she's been telling everyone, I am afraid she's going to pull something like coming over to see the kids or pick something up and then trying to say I hit her or something. I also plan on having my phone out and videoing everything that goes on if she does show up. I can't afford not to...

[SteveLW]

mtb, I know the system [censored], but it is in place for a reason (so someone can't walk away with everything). Look at it as a fee to get her toxicity out of your and your kids lives. I assume you are going for full custody? That should help some with the financials.

I like OK's suggestion on the restraining order. I don't think there is much chance of it without any physical abuse. However, you do have a history with her and the police and they'll have reports on that that could help you, but I still think it will be a slim chance of approval.

I am supportive of you mentioning it to her about the false accusations. I would do it very business like, and not passive-aggressive. Something along the lines of "I've heard from a lot of people that you have been spreading false accusations about me. What is the purpose of trying to drag my name through the mud when you know I've done nothing to deserve any of this?" You can ask her to stop, but it isn't likely to work. Also, if you live in a state that allows for one party of a conversation to secretly record the other party I would do it. In my state you can. In states like California you can't, which is stupid. Make sure you are within your rights for that though since some of those wiretapping charges can be felonies.

mtb, as I said, you've put up with more than any other poster here. I know D stinks, and having to pay her to go away stinks. But one day you'll look back and realize you are better for all of this. You are still young. If I was 36 and my W cheated on me I would cut her loose like a bad habit! There are so many more options out there when you are still young.

[mtb1981]

Thanks, Steve. Yes, I am going for full custody. So if I get that, it will help. In this state you cannot secretly record someone. However, you do not need their consent. You just have to tell them they are being recorded. That is my plan if W shows up at the house. Just pull out the phone and tell her I am going to record the whole time she is there. I know it will piss her off, but whatever. I need to make sure I am covered...

[Vanilla]

mtg

I need a very serious chat with you. NOW. This minute.

You must be grey rock, medium chill and BIFF.

Keep your cards close to your chest and STFU.

You can't out crazy or truth bomb them. It makes everything WORSE. Do not prod the bear.

Usually I just give my view, this time it's with bells on it. Please Google mistakes men make in D and high conflict D.

Get a security camera, you are allowed one of those. This woman is crazy loco, nuts and off her trolley. Scrambled eggs for brains with tomato sauce. Ww is seriously decompensating and it could go anywhere. It's beyond your pay grade and it's shocking.

Dangerous in a different way to Orange WW who is a cold calculator (anti social), your WW is a hot reactor (histrionic) addicted and compulsive.

You are being 'smeared' and it can get WORSE. If not more ludicrous.

You can not 'nice' this. Surfer is your go threads to for a disordered spouse. You might read Schermann too.

You are going to have to take what I say on trust for now, do not provoke the sleeping bear. It's easy to forget you are draining the swamp when you are knee deep in crocodiles.

Also even if you gave WW almost everything it will be worth it. I know that's tough and you can fight for your side.

On recording, generally it's a fine rather than anything else (courts have too much to do than prosecute all recorders of events) and WW would have to take legal action for compensation . So even if not permitted if it protects you do it, it can't be evidence but it can be protective if she comes at you. Likely not a criminal but civil offence.

This stuff scares me.

V

[Vanilla]

Oh yes and do not take out your phone, she will go for it in anger. It could get smashed and you might get angry. So NOT like that.

You can't touch her at all, in abuse a scratch trumps a bruise. Courts generally see the male as the aggressor. So if you are going to record do it without drama.

If threatened lock yourself in a bathroom somewhere, ring the police and say you are under threat and record all of it.

V

[mtb1981]

Thanks, V... Luckily she hasn't been around or contacted me much. I hope it stays this way. I plan on STFU. Histrionic decribes her to a tee...

I just met with my L and went over the paperwork for the divorce. I am going for full custody and a majority of parenting time. I may be on the hook for spousal maintenance, which $ucks, but is worth it in the end I guess. I hate that this is happening. I wish I could have my old W back, but I understand she is not her anymore...