Vacation Bible School starts tonight. I am codirector again this year (been for about 18 years now).
My W is in charge of the wall where we keep track of the number of guests each child brings. She ordered a huge wall hanging of Noah's ark and we hung it last night after evening worship. She is doing more work today. She is doing an amazing job.
In the past I would have just taken all of that for granted. And wouldn't have complimented her on the hard work. So I just sent her a text telling her how amazing the wall looked and that I was very proud of the effort and preparation she put into it. A definite 180 for me!!
It feels good to be the H I should have been all of these years. My W's love language is words of affirmation, and I need to continue to remember to use them for her EVERY SINGLE DAY!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Sounds like you've made good personal progress Steve. I can't help but say I'm jealous haha!! Is there any other areas of concern you haven't touched on in a while? Just asking to help, not to be critical and mean?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Good to know things are going well for you Steve, you have mastered the art of DB. It is interesting to see how your W still has a few tests laid out for you to see how you fare but hey you pass with flying colors. I am sure your 180 of recognizing her efforts and appreciating is making you feel better about yourself also. Wish your family all the happiness together.
Thanks everyone. Arsh I am not sure I managed the art of DB. I made a lot of mistakes. If you read my threads you'll see that.
The one thing that I did the best was the 180s. Part of that was that I was not happy with who I had become. I honestly believe that it was God's providence that all this occurred to wake me out of my sleepwalking. When my wife first started to soften about 6 weeks after BD it was because I was being so consistent with my 180s. As I pointed out the other day, I have to remain vigilant with them. I have a lot in my past that causes me to be overly careful with spending, and things like that.
In fact, I almost slipped last night! She had gone to the store to get some more things for VBS, and she also spent on some other things that I feel were probably unnecessary. But again, it isn't as if we are going to go into the poor house because she bought this stuff. So I have to remember that what is most important is that she too can buy things and I have to just let it go!
Anyway, this is how to have a harmonious relationship. To let her, within reasonable (by reality standards not by my standards) amounts, spend money and not be so critical of every penny that is outlaid.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Due to VBS this week, and returning to work, and trying to get the house ready to sell, and not sleeping well due to having all of this on my mind, I have been exhausted the last two days.
Last night after VBS, I was dogged tired. W was doing some painting. The kitchen was a mess (I've been doing the majority of the kitchen cleaning recently.)
Normally this would be danger time! A perfect storm. Lots to do. Over tired. Kitchen a wreck. I could feel myself getting anxious and my blood starting to boil. I had fixed the gutters on the house (nothing major, just some caulking and screw tightening) before VBS. But anyway I had almost said something . Then I realized, this is one of my biggest 180s! Either shutup and live with kitchen sink piled up, or shutup and take care of it!
And an amazing thing happened. I emptied the dishwasher of the clean dishes. Then quietly got a snack, and sat down in the recliner (first time all day that I got to just sit and chill!). I was just too exhausted at that point to empty the dishwasher. I heard my W in the kitchen. She had gone in and emptied the sink and loaded the dishwasher! I was so amazed at how by not saying anything, doing my part, she quietly did her part too!
I cannot tell you what a huge thing this is. We haven't operated like an unspoken team like that in years. I am proud of myself for keeping my trap shut (a year ago I would have exploded and been very critical and verbally abusive), but even more proud that my W took the initiative to load the dishwasher!
Amazing day.
Also, the house progressed well too. Too much done yesterday to list, but there is light at the end of this tunnel.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
