Just a question...I may have asked this, or it may have been said before...but I can't remember...
Is it normal for a WW to check up on you just to see if you're letting go? Like, they get mad at you if you're still hurting at all?
If so, is that like a thing that they expect you to just get over them almost instantly so that they don't have to feel guilty about what they're doing?
Is it normal for a WW to check up on you just to see if you're letting go? Like, they get mad at you if you're still hurting at all?
If so, is that like a thing that they expect you to just get over them almost instantly so that they don't have to feel guilty about what they're doing?
Yes, it is common.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks, Sandi. I wonder...when you're completely detached, it seems as though they would (of course, here I am trying to be logical in an illogical situation...hahaha) justify that you've given them what they want, so they don't feel guilty? Or...
You know, I can't even pretend that I understand the "logic" there. hahaha.
-- you detach > they see you ok, which justifies it to them and they maybe come back...?
you don't > they see you hurt, they feel bad...and they do more --
That's just about the most backwards sounding thing I've ever heard! Hahaha!
Really, I'm doing fine this morning. I stumbled across W dating profile saying she was "super spontaneous" and had a "heart of gold"...and at first it stung. Later on I decided that you know...I know that's total BS (the heart of gold thing), so I decided to look at it as kind of funny instead. I think that made a bit of difference in how I feel this morning.
Trying to move on. I know I can't save this M on my own (ultimately we can turn it around, but the reality is that no M can work without both partners wanting to work at it). In the meantime, meeting new people and going out and doing things would probably do me some good. I don't have any plans to do anything crazy, but I've got to get out of the house.
Who knows what will happen. I did fill out some information to try to get legal aid, since I can't afford to just outright pay an A to get this handled.
You know, I still wish it could work. And maybe one day it will.
But today is not that day. So I'm just going to do the best I can to be content with me.
you detach > they see you ok, which justifies it to them and they maybe come back...?
you don't > they see you hurt, they feel bad...and they do more --
You are looking at it wrong.
you detach > they see you ok [bold]which shows them you are strong, you confident, you don't need them and they maybe come back because they respect strength, confidence and independence. And when they respect a man they are attracted to him.[/bold]
you don't > they see you hurt [bold]which shows them you are weak, you are uncertain, you are clingy and they do more because they do not respect weak, uncertain, clingy men. And when they don't respect a man then they aren't attracted to him either[/bold]
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Can you elaborate? If you have questions, I'll be glad to fill you in on the details.
Often I post afterthoughts, things I just want to understand more. It's a bit tricky sometimes to follow because of my ADHD. So if you want specifics, ask.
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W just contacted me via her sister to try to schedule times for me to see S this coming weekend, and W is demanding that I keep him an extra day to fit her schedule. I told her sister that I would be glad to, but we had agreed to stick to Fri 6pm - Sun 6pm, and I also agreed to meet up at a pd with monitored spaces. Of course, W doesn't want to do that, and now I'm being attacked for wanting to stick to a consistent schedule.
Yeah. She expects me to jump for her after she left and started sleeping around. I don't know.
