So another update . . .I had told her before I booked the MC that I would not attend if there were 3 people in our M. She refused to end the EA with him and I said I wouldn't go to the MC. She has now blocked me on FB and has gone really cold with me, and the OM was at my house with her last night. So it looks like she has made her choice.
I will never be able to trust her again, as I'd previously said that if she didn't cut all comms with him as soon as we had a disagreement over anything, she would run back to his arms- which is exactly what she has done.
I am hoping to discuss the child access with her and I hope she is true to her word about wanting what's best for the children, as I've always been a hands on dad, and I hope that continues.
I am going to GAL like crazy and not worry about what she is doing, and I will not engage in any R talk at all, nor will I message her unless it is about the children.
Her continued EA has meant he has been on the sidelines waiting for his opportunity, and it looks like this is it.
So it does look inevitable now that we will be heading for the D.
M(41), W(37) S (6) D (4) S (2) M-8, T-12 W "I don't love you, I am in love with another man" "I don't know you anymore"
Thanks Vanilla . . .what do you think about the message? Shall I make it clear why I'm not going to the MC?
Yes absolutely, whilst it isn't good news, it's important to set that boundary.
I doubt if she ever did cut contact with OM, it was just for show. That is why I think it's important for you to be clear and open about the reason for your split. That's what all the subterfuge was to keep everyone in the dark and to gaslight you.
Now you know you can never unknown.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 07/21/1802:57 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
So more lies and mistrust- I just don't know what to do anymore.
We agreed to go away with the children on holiday and a week before she asked me to load up the children ipads with movies etc . . and she had left herself logged on to facebook- and I saw a swathe of message between her and the OM- I had not gone looking- and I told her and she said basically it was none of my business- which to some extent is true- but I never went looking- anyway I said that it wouldn't be fair on the kids if we didn't go on holiday so I said we would have the holiday and then go to mediation when we returned- I fully expected a miserable time- but on the contrary we had a great time- the children loved it- and we were getting on well- but then on one night we were both drunk- and she leaned in and kissed me- passionately- and one thing led to another- and she said she didn't want a divorce etc. the rest of the holiday we were close and kissed several times- but then as soon as we got back she went back to being quite cold towards me- I am now thinking all of the affection and closeness was her controlling me again and keeping me hanging- I am still at my mothers and still in limbo- if I go back to 180's and DBing- is it ultimatum time? I am so confused right now, but I don't want any more heartache- as the worrying thing for me is the eldest saw us kiss on a few occasions and now thinks we are getting back together. Any advice?
M(41), W(37) S (6) D (4) S (2) M-8, T-12 W "I don't love you, I am in love with another man" "I don't know you anymore"
I am now thinking all of the affection and closeness was her controlling me again and keeping me hanging- I am still at my mothers and still in limbo-
I read your post and it made me extremely angry on some many levels. What makes you think it isn't your business that she is having an affair? Why are you at the table like a dog taking any scraps she is willing to throw you? Why would you do something like that in front of your kid? Why in the fuch are you living at your moms? I am going to be completely honest right now, her and OM are getting great amusement out of her toying with you.
Until you find your balls and realize you love yourself and value yourself too much to put up with this BS, you will continue to be in limbo and suffer immense pain like you never felt before
I agree and it is very hard to deny the physical attempts your W makes. I did that for 5 weeks before saying enough. It hurts like hell when you are trying to hang on but if you can resist the next temptation they will get easier and will send a message that you are slipping away. It will only be then that she can start making a decision what she wants. That moment of enjoyment when you are with her seems worth it but each time your head and heart will start telling you that is not genuine right now. The fact the my WW keeps trying tells me she still has feelings but I don’t want her having all that control over me knowing I can be manipulated with affection.
From what I have read if she wants out she will not make any effort and will move on. In these situations your WW is in the fog and you can’t let them cake eat. Something has to shake her and we are making the effort by not giving in to them to see if they are prepared to lose us forever.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
From what I have read if she wants out she will not make any effort and will move on. In these situations your WW is in the fog and you can’t let them cake eat. Something has to shake her and we are making the effort by not giving in to them to see if they are prepared to lose us forever.
Yes she is in the fog- last week she was very affectionate and was talking of me returning home and us talking- yet this week- back to reality- the childrens first day back at school and she is back to criticising me and shouting at me in front of them.
I had earlier told her I was returning home and she just went quiet- the silence was deafening
I am still GALing and it is really getting on her nerves- last night she said (again in front of the children) "you go and do your own thing put the children second again" when she knows full well I had (and have) regular plans on a Monday Night.
I need help here- I want to get back in the house- but I don't want her behaviour to continue (i.e. shouting at me, criticising me in front of the kids etc.) what is the best way to do this?
M(41), W(37) S (6) D (4) S (2) M-8, T-12 W "I don't love you, I am in love with another man" "I don't know you anymore"
Every time I read your posts for some reason I get extremely angry. She is not in a fog she is playing you to get what she wants. She has no respect for you because you have no respect for yourself. A woman can not be in love with a man she has no respect for.
Stop confusing affection with confusion when it is clearly manipulation.
In your signature you say your W is in love with another man but yet you still are intimate with her. This blows my mind.
That you ask how to get your W stop criticizing you in front of the kids. WTF? You don't tolerate that bs. No one will ever say or do to you what you don't allow them to.
You have a lot of work to do my friend! The good news is if you do it and are patient I think you will get another chance with your W. I am willing to bet OM does want nothing to do with 3 young kids and it would be extremely hard for your W to make it in her own.
The thing is if you did the work and started to realize that you are a catch and start to gain some confidence you won't accept being her plan b.
