Please don't judge me, I know I am being a fool I don't need anyone else telling me that.
And like the fool I am I have found out today she is lying through her back teeth about her contact with the OM. We had agreed that if we were to go to MR it would be a boundary that I would not go if she was still in a full blown EA with him. She is, and she has not denied it.
She said that she feels she can never trust me again- after she promised me that it was over with the OM. Meanwhile, she has unfriended him on FB keeping up appearances with all the other good folk at church. She is a hypocrite.
Thing is, I now am back to square one.
M(41), W(37) S (6) D (4) S (2) M-8, T-12 W "I don't love you, I am in love with another man" "I don't know you anymore"
Please don't judge me, I know I am being a fool I don't need anyone else telling me that.
And like the fool I am I have found out today she is lying through her back teeth about her contact with the OM. We had agreed that if we were to go to MR it would be a boundary that I would not go if she was still in a full blown EA with him. She is, and she has not denied it.
She said that she feels she can never trust me again- after she promised me that it was over with the OM. Meanwhile, she has unfriended him on FB keeping up appearances with all the other good folk at church. She is a hypocrite.
Thing is, I now am back to square one.
Sorry man. The addiction is strong. But you know what to do. Get back on the DB horse and ride it until you decide whether or not YOU want to work on the MR.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Back to basics and boundaries. Make it clear you will not lie about it or pretend you have no issues.
No MC please.V
Lie about what, I don't understand? I want to message her that "In spite of you promising me you would cease contact with him, you have admitted you are still messaging him, and for that reason I refuse to take part in counselling until I can trust that you are committed to wanting the marriage to work" What do you think?
M(41), W(37) S (6) D (4) S (2) M-8, T-12 W "I don't love you, I am in love with another man" "I don't know you anymore"
I am going to cease "family together time" as I think she is just treating me like a fool. It will be hard, because I love spending time with the children and family time is really important to me.
I can see all the NGS actions I was guilty of in the past, and I used to adopt a passive aggressive attitude which wasn't nice, and certainly didn't feel nice, and this is the basis on which she thinks I'll never change.
It is hard as she is entrenched in seeing me as a bad person now, and the only advice she is getting is from her OM and the Parents who hate me (which I understand she is their daughter)
I don't see a way forward with it to be honest
M(41), W(37) S (6) D (4) S (2) M-8, T-12 W "I don't love you, I am in love with another man" "I don't know you anymore"
I am going to cease "family together time" as I think she is just treating me like a fool. It will be hard, because I love spending time with the children and family time is really important to me
mbe- We all crave family time. Times of bonding and connecting. Consider this a detour off the path of life that must be taken by W in order for her to figure what she wants. A necessary evil. It even said in the book things will get harder before it gets easier. In that time do what you need to do to make sure your are the best you possible. Blessings on your journey!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Back to basics and boundaries. Make it clear you will not lie about it or pretend you have no issues.
No MC please.V
Lie about what, I don't understand? I want to message her that "In spite of you promising me you would cease contact with him, you have admitted you are still messaging him, and for that reason I refuse to take part in counselling until I can trust that you are committed to wanting the marriage to work" What do you think?
To ensure that her facade is maintained.
As in 'I will not mislead anyone WW, if asked are we S and why then I will not lie to cover up your A'
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And when you have family time with your kids, it is family time even if WW is not there.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 07/20/1802:56 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
