I really dont know if I should get my own place or stick it out here with the W for a while longer. I dont anticipate anything changing, so Id have to put up with watching her do whay she does when she does it. I feel like moving out will conclude our MR. I dont know if its better that the both of you are still in the same home or not?
We still have our fair share of pleasant convos/intetactions, and occasionally we still do family things with our S. It seems like those are the only things holding what little bit of what we had still together.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
Do not leave. Ask her to leave. Why would you leave?
She purchased home in her name before we were married, and being the main bread winner for the last 9 years has paid mortgage on her own until recently. Im guessing shes entitled to the house regardless of our marital covenant she broke ...and continues to break.
Last edited by equalzr; 07/25/1803:25 PM.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
Ok my vote is you stay until she asks you to leave. Buck up, be a man, dig in and work on you. Cutting and running, to me, is not the answer to your problems. It is in your power to make that decision though. If you are done, then do it. But don't do with expectations that it will wake her up.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks Steve. No expectations if I leave, would just be doing it for my personal sanity and respect. That said, i think ill continue setring boundaries for respect, bursting bubbles, spending time with S, and improving myself/GAL.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
Wife is going on a "work conference", and I'm pretty sure OM is going, as i found out its to his home city/state. Im lpsing my patience for this. Im in the process of setting boundaries, and shes fighting it all the way. She brings items home that I know are from the OM, and of course lies about it. When do they get tored of lying? This is beyond ridiculous. Ive heard nothing but lies for the last 1.5 years. Most dont make any sense at all.
Not sure how i should respond to some of these things. I know i need to detatch and do my own thing but its so tough sometimes.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
You said it I buddy "I know i need to detatch and do my own thing but its so tough sometimes"
equalzr, I am right there with you. I decided today is the day I detach. My W moved out 2 months ago because she needed time and space to go find her self. Turns out there was an OM in the works. Now she wants a D. I know for a fact we will struggle through the detach. But think about what everyone has been saying. If and when you detach the sooner you get a life and move on to happiness. If she sees you doing great and having fun then it might just get her to come see whats going on. If you don't, then your just dragging this on and its torture!!! I know this pain you feel and the anxiety is unbearable. If she going to a " work conf" then I say grit your teeth now and dig into the detach phase. You can't control what goes on there. If anything the more time they spend together just might and will bring out the flaws of the OM. Affairs hardly ever last. She is in a limerence and you need to break that Fog by detaching from her and showing you can live on your own. Right now I am home with my kids while my W is probably hanging out with OM right now. It does drive me crazy but like you I will detach. Good luck and stay calm and be strong. It will all come crashing down soon.
ME 47 W 38 M17 T20 Separated 5/20/18 D-bomb 7/9/2018 Nothing Filed 4 kids ages 6, 10, 14, 15
Thanks Lane! It really helps to have support from you and everyone else here. Lord knows I need it. Your right, the anxiety can be painful. Ive also dealt with depression and lost nearly 20 pounds. Im working to put that back on(in a better look too) and get my confidence back. I guess when you think about it these women probably "detached" over the course of a few years and we just didnt know it. Now they are just full of resentment and bitterness towards us.
Thanks for listening to me ramble!
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
You bet equal , I too lost 20 lbs. It actually feels good to lose a little weight but not in a stressful way. Keep positive and it will come around. I know our W's crossed the line on the M. They will regret it some day. Like you said, they detached and when the time was right they bolted and we had no idea. So if it took that long, it will probably take some time for us to realize everything. Right now I am still in shock. I still come home thinking its a bad dream. My kids are all confused as hell and all I can do is be there for them just like you are for your son. Be the stable parent. My plan is just like yours. Try to take it day by day and detach and try to be the best version of yourself. ITS HARD!! I hate this more than anything! I want it to end right now. But thats not how these things work. But the sooner we detach the sooner we will be happy on our own or just maybe our W's. Like you I really want my family back in one house. Keep praying and taking action on yourself. Let her go now! She will notice the change in you and start to wonder. But it won't be tomorrow or next week. It will be a while. Your a great man and probably a good looking SOB like myself. Your wife is crazy for doing this to you and will regret it. Now lets stay busy and detach today. Good luck my friend! I know you can do it!
ME 47 W 38 M17 T20 Separated 5/20/18 D-bomb 7/9/2018 Nothing Filed 4 kids ages 6, 10, 14, 15
