I'm only upset that I will have to explain her A to my son who is obviously going to be confused. I can't control what she does with her life, but I'm just upset that she isn't making our son her priority over the A. No matter what I think of her and her bad choices, I don't want my son to think anything bad about her. I'm just upset that she isn't doing better for our son.
Me: Late 30s WW: Late 30s M: 12 S: 7 BD: Late April '18 (Wife left next day) OM confirmed: July '18 (20+ years older)
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalms 34:18
I know she is only 37, but I have had a strong feeling like this is a MLC. That was just based on comments she has made about her age and the fact that she said things like she's never been on her own...she really doesn't have any friends. The problem is, she had no intention of being on her own...OM had already been in the picture for months at the time she left. But, the going from being a GREAT mother to all but abandoning him is troubling. I guess I know what I have to do either way. I can't save her from herself...
Me: Late 30s WW: Late 30s M: 12 S: 7 BD: Late April '18 (Wife left next day) OM confirmed: July '18 (20+ years older)
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalms 34:18
I keep doing this why analysis too. And as many people know of the sitch there will be so many whys from all of them. Call it irresponsibility, immaturity, depression, infidelity the truth is WAS are selfish individuals who for now rank as the bottom feeder of the human character spectrum. Abandoning children is unpardonable in my opinion. Be strong for your son, you know he deserves the best so make sure you give it to him. Reading thru those MLC threads helped me see how hopeless some sitches were, some of them need to be kicked out to the curb by the LBS but for every person their own sitch is hard. Hope you find strength- Arshi
Thanks Arshi. I feel like yesterday just made it very clear to me that I have to just save myself. My marriage is over whether I want it to be or not. Maybe she comes around some day, maybe she doesn't, but there is nothing I can do now to change her mind, or to undo the damage she's done. So, I will go back to as close to NC as possible and just focus on improving myself, beating depression, enjoying my time with my son and meeting new people that don't know her and don't know us as a couple.
If she has a change of heart some day and comes back around, I will have to decide then if I am still willing to start over. I don't know if I will ever be able to make myself completely give up hope, but I have ZERO expectation that we will ever be together again. It hurts, and it isn't the life I wanted, but I have to accept reality and continue living and MAKE a better life for myself and my son.
Me: Late 30s WW: Late 30s M: 12 S: 7 BD: Late April '18 (Wife left next day) OM confirmed: July '18 (20+ years older)
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalms 34:18
Hi DB. It is hard but it is what it is. As you are saying, you must control your own life. You can�t control hers. Keep that in mind, get the power from it: you controlling your life. Your W must do her own journey to whatever she wants, sometimes it is no easy to face reality. I am a survivor from the dark side, it is hard there too.
So keep it strong and be the best father for your son. Nobody is going to change that bond. Remember that.
Be strong man, take care of you and your son.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
MLC have no age limits. Anyone can have one at anytime.
One thing I heard is NEVER mention a MLC to someone you suspect of going through one.They will take a great offense to this and it will be counter-productive. For the person in the midst of a MLC they would categorize it as anything BUT a crisis! For them it is awakening. They feel great about the changes they are instituting and they think they are moving forward better than ever. So for the LBS so say "I know you are having a MLC" or "You are just having a MLC" or any other statement worded similarly, it will likely just infuriate them. So do not mention it no matter how much you might want to.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks Neffer. I won't give up hope that we could be together again, but the only thing left for me to do is let her go. Sunday's sermon, as is so often the case really hit me. The pastor basically ended it by saying 'let it go'. Just trust God. I feel like I have been getting in my own way with that, but I am done. I am putting her and our marriage in His hands and continuing on with my life without her. I miss her, but I miss ME more. I'm really glad my IC is back from vacation and I have an appointment this week and next.
Me: Late 30s WW: Late 30s M: 12 S: 7 BD: Late April '18 (Wife left next day) OM confirmed: July '18 (20+ years older)
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalms 34:18
Thanks Steve. I don't intend to mention it to her. In fact, I don't think we will really be having any contact that doesn't involve our son for a good while. The last couple days I really felt like I was just done. That I didn't want to fight for the marriage anymore and that I was ready to just move on with my life. But, I knew better than to trust that feeling. Today I just feel very sad. Not about any particular thing, just overall HEAVY sadness. I realize that i just really don't know what I'm doing.
I don't feel any desire to see or talk to her. I didn't respond to the text message she sent me this morning and am not even a little bit tempted. I'm actually glad to have the time and space away from her, but I still struggle to actually feel genuinely happy yet. I still just feel so lost and confused. Thank God I have an IC appt tomorrow.
Me: Late 30s WW: Late 30s M: 12 S: 7 BD: Late April '18 (Wife left next day) OM confirmed: July '18 (20+ years older)
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalms 34:18
Fortunately, that extreme low passed fairly quickly, though I haven't bounced all the way back to where I was the last couple days. I think I am struggling with myself trying to decide whether I have it in me to ride this out, as I feel fairly certain that it's some sort of MLC, or if I just need to shut the door and work toward moving on.
Either way, I've let her go. Her A and her gaslighting/rewriting history/blatant disregard for me has made that fairly easy now that I have confirmed the infidelity. It is especially after seeing that she's introduced him to her entire family. At this point, D seems inevitable. I know lot can happen in 9 months, but I'm not sure I believe that she will ever admit to wanting to R, even if she did, and I doubt that she would do the work to rebuild our relationship. I've been thinking long and hard, and I can't honestly think of a time she ever apologized to me...for anything. How can I hold out hope for her to be able to make up for her A, the hurtful things she has said and done to me since BD and for blowing up our family?
I think I will feel better if/when we get the separation agreement worked out. At that point there's nothing to do but wait and ride out the rest of the 12 months until one of us can file for divorce. I suspect she's counting the days, so I won't exactly be caught off-guard by her filing. If anything I would be confused if she DOESN'T.
Me: Late 30s WW: Late 30s M: 12 S: 7 BD: Late April '18 (Wife left next day) OM confirmed: July '18 (20+ years older)
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. - Psalms 34:18
