Expect the worst. I know you don't think she has hired a lawyer, but I would be surprised. Even if the L was "behind the scenes" to encourage you to NOT hire a lawyer.
These proceedings have a way of getting ugly, despite the early on "we are going to be amicable" talk. Once money gets involved the claws come out. That is why I told you weeks ago (and I am so happy you listened to, if not me, others) that you couldn't afford to NOT have a L.
But brace yourself. It is going to get ugly. It always does. I expect she will also try to slip things through. I am still very suspicious of the original "primary residence" language. Keep your eyes peeled. Consult your attorney often and on all things. And brace yourself for when things turn ugly.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I've known she's had a lawyer waiting in the wings for some time, her official response to my divorce decree Was most certainly drafted up and written by a lawyer not her. so I know she's already spoken with one that at least helped her prepare a document. the plus side being there's not really a lot of time left until final divorce hearing period less than 2 months, which is in a lot of time to file any sort of new documentation. so if she's going to do something she needs to do it quick. I need to touch base with my lawyer and have another meeting with him
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
I really try my best not to call her parenting into question. But Every time I've gotten my son after she's had him for a few days his behavior is atrocious. I don't know if she's neglecting him or just letting him dictate when and how he does things and not setting discipline or what. all I know is that every time I get him after she's had him he is overtired, obstinate, aggressive and argumentative. after I've had him for a day or two he goes back to normal. I hate Split parenting.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
I cannot stand co-parenting either. It really is an extremely difficult thing to navigate. We never had any issues parenting together and I'm not experiencing the kind of behavioral shift you are, but the lack of communication and miscommunication is very frustrating in my sitch. Add in the fact that my W acts in a way that suggests she just assumes that she is and will continue to be the primary parent and I'm just there for decoration because she wants to make sure I "still have a relationship" with them. I don't think that she quite understands, although I've not beaten around the bush about it, that I intend to seek 50/50 custody or as close to that as possible. Regardless of what it might mean for her financially in terms of child support and alimony. It won't be my problem at that point and it's her own fault if it ends up that way...
Just do your best with him when it's your turn OK, you can't really call her out on the way she parents unless there's obvious neglect or abuse. You're two totally different people and you are going to approach parenting differently. If you guys had been together longer and established more cohesion as parents, it might not be as frustrating in the way that it is for you right now, but believe me, it'd just be trading one kind of frustration for another.
M: 40 W: 37 T: 20 MR: 13 S13, S9, S4 BD: 1/29/18 Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out) 8/24/18 I come home, she moves out
If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.
definitely cycling back into another phase of anger and missing what I had. I'm glad I'm able to recognize it for what it is now but it doesn't make it suck any less
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
definitely cycling back into another phase of anger and missing what I had. I'm glad I'm able to recognize it for what it is now but it doesn't make it suck any less
OK these are the times we you need to stay busy. If you have S3, as neffer says, make it all about him. Otherwise, dive into work. Or if you need a break from work, go for a walk.
At home stay busy. There is nothing worse than being in these phase and just sitting and stewing in it. Go for a run, a bike-ride, or a workout. Or call up a buddy and go do a guy thing (I personally love going to the shooting range, most of them rent guns so you don't even need to own one). Hang out with brother and SiL. Anything but keep that mind occupied and away from those thoughts of anger and missing. Those are when we have weak moments and break principles with texts, etc.
As neffer said STAY STRONG! You got this.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
the local amusement park was having free admission for First Responders. I took the day off of work and went there with S3, we had a great day together, and it was completely free for us both to go to an amusement park for the entire day. Win. kicks that depressive cycle right in the pants.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Despite getting over yesterday's bum out fairly early, I'm still left with a lot of residual thoughts and frustrations. I was reading on someone else's post about how the ww never even seems to give things a chance to, let alone communicate that there are issues going on before things get to BD. the fact that my marriage was killed before I ever even got a chance to fight for it, the fact that she chose to have an affair months and months before I found out and that she wouldn't have told me. I honestly think now if I never confronted about the affair it probably would have run its course But who wants to live like that? in fact that being said I don't think that's the case because she was telling my friends that she was thinking about leaving me in August they just never told me. I can't seem to shake this feeling of wishing none of this happened and that our relationship never fell apart, which is obvious, but The disrespect would have happened eventually anyway. It's who she is. at this point I really shouldn't care about her relationship with om but at the end of the day I still think about that relationship ending all the time. although I do get the feeling that the excitement of the affair has ended and it's basically a relationship of convenience and necessity for her at this point. She has aged dramatically since January. the stress and anxiety of all of this seems to be taking their toll on her. I know this is mine reading and probably not the best thing for me to be doing but I'd rather Journal honestly than not Journal at all. I guess there's a tiny part of me that still can't believe that she's fubar.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
