I understand. I also know that WW like to eat cake. I'm contemplating an ultimatum. Much as you have. Possibly by the end of the year. Steve, did you tell your wife she had till the end of 2018?
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
I understand. I also know that WW like to eat cake. I'm contemplating an ultimatum. Much as you have. Possibly by the end of the year. Steve, did you tell your wife she had till the end of 2018?
No I didn't tell her. The deadline was for me.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
It takes time RR. From a former WH, let me tell you it takes time. I understand your frustration but having done such a long journey...just a little bit more patience...
Stay strong RR
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
I plan to give it much consideration before moving forward. There comes a time when enough is enough. When, is the question. I know that if I do it, I must be ready to follow through. I read a story from an MC's personal experience. Her LBH gave her until the end of the year to get it together and she said it worked. Obviously, there is a risk.
She seemed to think that regardless of the inevitable, it expedited things.
Limbo feels like settling. So-called small signs of progress are seen as miss signals. Are you reading too much into it? Is she playing you or testing? Who can really tell?
All of it goes against this regained Alpha Centered Male that I feel I am rediscovering. Right now, if we were just first dating, I would kick this one to the curb.
Last edited by RR17; 08/22/1807:03 PM.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Limbo feels like settling. So-called small signs of progress are seen as miss signals. Are you reading too much into it? Is she playing you or testing? Who can really tell?
That's why you need to see consistent behavior over a long period of time before you trust it!
RR17 I recently went back and read my threads. You gave some really good advice. Step back from your sitch and try to view it objectively. You have really good instincts for this stuff so try to apply this instincts.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks, Steve. lol, I think instinct is always easier when it's not your own sitch.
Understand that I haven't made up my mind yet. But It's been a very long time.
Trust? That's a luxury this MR can't afford.
During a recent fight. Yea, I participated and the good news it both recovered quickly. A lot of ugly things were said. I accused W of not doing the things necessary to restore my trust. Play a stupid game, get a stupid prize. W said that's because it looked like getting back together. I pointed out that not changing passwords or lying about them, didn't look like getting back together. Anyway, the fact is I can't trust what I see or hear.
I will say that venting here and getting the feedback from you all has made me take inventory of what is a trend in the MR and take pause.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
RR - I see you are in a tough spot. I kinda feel the same way now after seeing my W not attractive and not having those pitter patter heart moments. It became more like - blah!. It is these moments I feel we need to step away from our sitch and look at it objectively. Understanding the ramifications and the finality of these major decisions. After fully analyzing and understanding the out comes. With a clear head and a clear conscious should we proceed with caution. My prayers are with you buddy!Blessings!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Okay, in an effort to focus on the progress, I have a little occurrence to journal.
This morning while walking downstairs I found a receipt in the foyer. I picked it up and it was from a liquor store about 12 miles north of us. A direction none of us goes as we live in the city and this was from the burbs. This receipt was for a bottle of gin and paid for with an Amex card, dated 10:30am 8/23, just the previous day. Now we don't have an amex and unless W has a company card I have no idea who's it could be. W had a work social function after work but was home by 7:30pm. As you can imagine all sorts of scenarios flashing through my head. We do have a house guest. D19 had a girlfriend from college fly down to stay a week. Those two had a big day doing touristy things in the city, south of the liquor store. Hmmm?
Well, I scan the receipt as it seemed prudent. W was getting ready for work. I took it to her as unaccusative as possible. She looked at it and seemed puzzled as well. W hardly drinks and doesn't drink gin. Anyway, I walk away and start dabbling in work while drinking coffee. A sign of growth on my part. Some 10 min. latter W comes into my home office and says in a sincere voice." I just want you to know it wasn't mine. It didn't dawn on me at first, but I can imagine how this might look." I thanked her. I believe her. If she were lying or covering up, I believe she would have played down the mystery and been mad and defensive. Instead, she was humble and understanding. I thanked her. We discussed the mystery some more and she said she will question D19. I also added how I understood how it must feel being the target of suspicion when you don't deserve it. I also pointed out how I resented being haunted by suspicion. I don't even have to go looking. She validated. So could she be lying and just getting better at acting? Sure. Could a friend have picked up a bottle from the burbs for some sort of skip work liaison and somehow she ended up with a receipt? I guess so.
But right now, I chose to believe her. 20+ years experience with this person, including catching her in an A, tells me this is not her lie. I also appreciate her understanding of my position. Empathy or Sympathy, I get confused. Anyway, something I feel she lacked in the past. Something I believed she couldn't fake while lying.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Even if she is lying it changes nothing. I suspect that after you've all been through she would know better than to leave evidence lying in the foyer. But regardless, it chances nothing either way. Just keep moving forward.Keep DBing. Lovingly detached, GAL, etc.
RR you've got this. The fact that she cared enough to come back and discuss it is pretty huge. It shows that deep down she cares. So just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Hi RR. Sometimes is also hard for us (waywards/former waywards). To be clean of suspicions removes unwanted pressures. And remember that we live on high stress when being ww...our choice...yeah, it s@cks...
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
