Its so, so hard, not to call her out, demand responsibility for what she did, or simply let her know what a POS she has been. She always projected this air of misfortune, injury, innocence and sweetness. She did such a good job convincing me that she would NEVER EVER do ALL of the awful crap she did.
It so much to try and just drop, ignore, and not talk about, or try to get answers / solutions for. The fact that i still partiall view her this way, and that i still call into doubt what was my fault vs hers is really difficult. At this juncture i did not think cognitive dissonance regarding her would still be a factor, whats worse is i KNOW it isnt true, there is no "2 versions of her" or any misunderstanding of waht she did, and how it all went down, but yet there is STILL this mostly quiet dormant thought that bubbles up to the surface from time to time in my psyche and whispers, "She is the woman of your dreams, the love of your life, she couldnt have done theses things, she is your sweet Hunny, your beautiful Helen of Troy. Your Serendipitous Better half. We Love her, We did this, we ruid this and we need her back. Youll wither without her." It takes all my newfound will power to find the voice to speak back and say, "Lies and you know it. You are the addiction talking, she is poison. She is deceit personified. you need to go away and Die Doubt and Love for her. Go Die now"
Her denial of OBVIOUS truths still eats at me, months later.
Gaslighting is a horrible, awful thing.
For any Game of Thrones Fans....... SHAME! *Rings Bell* SHAME!, SHAME! *Rings Bell*.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Everything cost $$. by the time i have dinner and do workout itll be dark out. I mean i do stuff indoors, ill probably work on my D&D material. I think feeling lonely is just keeping me a bit low today.
I really hate how crappy i feel when I am single, i know i dont NEED to be in an R, but looking back, when i was in MR, I was so much more motivated to do stuff, like EMS classes, Fire Training, etc.
Now i feel like i never have time to be able schedule stuff properly.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
I know I am late in this convo, but have you developed an actual schedule - from the minute you wake up till you go to bed? When I did that, I found how much unscheduled time I had that I was just meandering about. I shifted and slotted in my priorities and made my time accountable.
Also, you'll have to learn how to be alone but not lonely. If you have time on your hand after workout, why aren't you reading, listening to podcasts, reflecting, meditating etc etc. Going out costs $$$ - I know. There's tons of stuff you can do that doesn't cost a thing. I just listed a few.
Also, this is my take and so I add the qualification - motivation is garbage. Don't try to motivate yourself, just do. Look up Mel Robbins 5 second rule, and her interview on Impact Theory. I don't wait for motivation, I just follow through because I've already decided it's something I want to do and why I want to do it.
I know I am late in this convo, but have you developed an actual schedule - from the minute you wake up till you go to bed? When I did that, I found how much unscheduled time I had that I was just meandering about. I shifted and slotted in my priorities and made my time accountable.
No i havent. Not a bad idea.
Originally Posted by Maika
Also, you'll have to learn how to be alone but not lonely. If you have time on your hand after workout, why aren't you reading, listening to podcasts, reflecting, meditating etc etc. Going out costs $$$ - I know. There's tons of stuff you can do that doesn't cost a thing. I just listed a few.
In regards to reading and Podcasts, i try not to inundate myself with MR/DB stuff all day, if im thinking of DB/MR then i am thinking of WIFE. So this is why i try to spend time writing (fiction), playing D&D/Games, stuff that puts my mind not only off of WIFE but completely out of my life, in fantasy realm, or doing things like climbing/working out. Its like if I spend 100% of my free time working on detachment and focusing on my sitch, itll just prolong it. Just the 5 step cycle running its wheel. Round and Round. Today seems to be a place of Anger, though not the unquenchable rage ive experienced in the past. Right now i have a strong feeling id like to just yell at her. Shes such a damn child. Its really infuriating. Like i keep thinking ill be done with being angry at her, then it just comes back again and again.
Originally Posted by Maika
Also, this is my take and so I add the qualification - motivation is garbage. Don't try to motivate yourself, just do. Look up Mel Robbins 5 second rule, and her interview on Impact Theory. I don't wait for motivation, I just follow through because I've already decided it's something I want to do and why I want to do it.
Someday's I am very easily "Motivated", other days I am FRESH out of Give a S**t, days like today I just want to tell her how awful she is, and that i dont know how the F she sleeps at night. WIsh i knew where this anger was stemming from, no event caused this, we havent spoken in over a week.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
You don't need to read or consume any thing that's related to marriage, relationships etc etc. As I am getting ready to start working out in the next few weeks, I am listening to the Mind Pump podcast - just awesome. I actively seek out materials to consume that are about my interests. I don't have single thoughts of W or the MR or BD when I am doing that.
Love the D&D and fantasy realm. That stuff is awesome. Yeh man, go to another reality and let it consume you and give you joy.
You just mentioned the biggest problem with motivation - it depends on how you feel. Most times people don't feel like following through and that's why motivation is garbage. Again, check out what Mel Robbins has to say about this and what she did to overcome motivation nonsense to get her life back on track.
It's okay to have angry days. I know I have had them too. Just breathe and get through today. Don't worry about tomorrow.
