My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 3

[Gordie]

How are you doing?

[ovrrnbw]

Thank you all for responding to my frustration last weekend, and thanks for asking today!

I'm hurt and sad. I so wanted to believe we were trying (in the MR) and things were going the right direction.

I still want to "set the record" straight. W told me last week, before she left, that her mom said I was being controlling/manipulative by setting my boundary with her (not hanging out if she is with OM).

I want to convince the inlaws that she is in an affair, bc they said it's not an affair.

I want to text the OM/his family to clue him in on the lies she told him. But they're hoosier trash and might love the drama.

I want to yell at my WW and call her a liar, a cheater, a fraud. You told me you loved me, asked about wearing rings, made love to me, kissed me.

I want to set an ultimatum and divorce her, but I'm not ready and don't know when I will be.

I haven't contacted my W, nothing from her. But she is a weasel and is probably scared anyways bc she knows she lied and betrayed me again.

She tried logging into my Instagram again, I got an email saying you're having trouble logging in at 3:43 AM. Nope, not me.

So I'm fighting all of this and trying my best to detach. I'm down at the lake now w/ my mom and her husband and my sister. Going skiing, swimming, boating, cooking, and relaxing.

And I'm trying my best to help some of the newbies here.

[NicoleR]

Overrnbw, where is your wife? Did she move out? Or you're just not spending time at home?

It's tempting to do all of those things. It's extraordinarily difficult to do what you're doing - detaching and staying out of the drama. That's not fair what your wife's mom is saying but I guess you can never count on in-laws.

The lake and being with family sounds like a good thing right now. What does your own family say about the situation?

[ovrrnbw]

Wife hasn't moved out, she just stays at OM's apt or parents house. But she slither in when I'm not there usually.

I'm it at home much usually. Go to the lake a lot or GAL.

My mom gates my W and wants me to file for divorce. My sister thinks my wife is full of "it" and a b with an itch.

In laws are in denial about the truth and care more about having their daughter around than being truthful and scaring her off.

[neffer]

Try to detach ovr. Try to protect yourself. Keep GAL. It’s hard man but you need to be respected. You can control what others say or think. Detach, detach, detach. It takes time but you must do it to take care of yourself.

Get the strength and keep moving.

[Phoenix9]

Just read through your sitch (that the correct word, right) ovrrnbw.

Wow man...my chest aches at what you're going through. At least my scenario is (for now) fairly civil. Counting my blessings.

Keep up the fight. People like me need the encouragement.

[ovrrnbw]

Glad you read it pain18, we all suffer, it's just how we manage it that matters in the end.

I'm going back to last month to think about the things I did that worked - do what works, right? My list:
- calling it an affair: she hates it, but she responds and comes back after
- turning down invitations b/c she is in relationship w/ someone else - she tries harder and talks R after
- not being there to help her like a H would be- she gets mad but then continues to come back or text/call (even if it
is 3-4 days later); she initiated R talk after this
- short answers, nonspecific on where I am and when I'll be doing things
- calling her lies and games what they are, pointing out her hypocrisy, noting that she's looking for magic/easy way
out
- not answering most calls AKA giving in and doing everything she wants me to
- not planning things around her

And just to make everyone puke a little more, I guess I forgot that she called me the OM's name a couple of times in late July/early August when we were "trying". She crapped her pants both times and texted apologies, I walked away immediately.

My sister told me I'm being a puss and avoiding - I'm not even mad about it! (she reads my thread) - but I haven't tried talking to WW since she ran off 1.5 weeks ago. She was talking about the hard things, like selling our nice car, and having tough convos with WW.

I'm thinking about what Nicole said: making decisions to bring some justice and stop letting her take advantage of me. Not sure what to do there other than some of the stuff I listed above that "works". Probably not going to engage her much if she does come home while I'm there, but if she persists I will be completely honest.

Neffer is giving me the same advice in 2 posts, which means I'm not listening very well. So I'm trying now to listen to that advice and detach further.

Thanks to everyone who continues to help me here.

[ovrrnbw]

Oh and today she finally contacted me w/ a text message, saying both car washes payments are on her credit card. Implying that I should be paying for them. Well she pays her CC on my check and is hiding her cash (she works under the table). I should tell her to "get lost".

Then she tells me she got a new TV streaming subscription and what the login and password is. W. T. F.

I'm not responding.

[Gordie]

Over

Good for you

Your w calling you the name of OM wow that did make me puke

Sorry dude that just *****

I like your approach to keep doing what is working and writing those things down to remind yourself

Your w wants OM and you at the same time

You are making it clear that both is not an option

Be strong and take care of yourself

This is the hardest thing we never wanted to go through

[ovrrnbw]

Wanna get some opinions here on our vehicle situation. We have 3 cars.

1 nice/decent car: mine, paid off since before marriage
1 decent truck: W's, paid off since before marriage
1 really nice vehicle, bought after marriage with $1000/MO payment

W drives the really nice vehicle. Last month I decided to start driving it bc W isn't contributing financially to the accounts paying for it. Not only that she still spent some of my money that was accidentally deposited there by work ($1600 to pay her credit cards).

I have been waiting for a week and a half for her to come home so I could do this but I'm tired of waiting. I also don't think she should drive my car bc she's having an affair plus she always gets it nasty, tree sap on it, dirty.

Should I swap her out for her vehicle? Should I do it while she's at work or OM's apt. OMs apt is too weird.

Also, if anyone has anything to add in response to my last post I would love that too.

Thanks.