Just out of curiosity, does anyone here know if there is a correlation between MLC/WW and eyes darting around. Ive noticed that my W doesnt really hold eye contacy w/ me anymore(probably in part to the life shes living(A and lying)?), but also that her eyes seem to just dart around rapidly when she is telling me something. Its weird because i know shes lied/lying to everyone involved, myself, OM, her parents, i think siblings are getting half truths, and she also lies to our S about whereabouts and what not.
Similarly, i noticed ever since this ordeal started she always wears sunglasses. I dont know if this doesnt have anything to do with anything, but I get the feeling its some connection with being sneaky, hiding, etc. Shes never used them before and now she has them on even when its darn near dark out. I almost feel like she thinks shes putting on some type of mask, and thst she gets a high out of the entire thing.
Just some out loud thinking by me.
e, this shows she isn't being honest with you. Remember, WASs/WWs rarely say the truth. That is why you believe NOTHING they say and only half of what they do.
I know you keep mentioning MLC. I was like that at first too, I really focused energy on finding a "root" cause. It is like trying to find a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. We think if we can get a root cause we can shoot it with a magic bullet and fix it. The bottom line is why your W is a WAW and WW is less important than what you need to do. And that is to GAL, 180, detach and be the best equalzr that you can be.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
e, I will tell you from the day my W and I separated every single time she came to pick up our D, she could NEVER look me in the eye. beyond feeling like that straight up meant she wasn't being honest or was guilty or whatever...truly I marveled at HOW she could even do that every time. anyway completely agree with Steve, either she is not being honest with you in the moment and/or she hasn't been honest with you in the past. if you evaluate within yourself would you want to be married to a W who you knew was dishonest to you...there's strength and detachment available for you in that.
This is a great point by ballast. Could you accept being with a wife who you know has been dishonest with you? I guess this flies in the face of DB but it is a question I have found me asking myself the past few days.
You guys hit the nail on the head. Ive been thinking about this alot lately, why would anyone want to be married to someone who cheats on them, lies to them, abandoned them, and villafied them in the process?? I feel that my wife died almost 2 years ago, because i have no idea who this monster is. That said, when youve been with someone for 20 years, my entire adult life, its a huge hole to fill. As has been said on here before, I have to basically date myswlf now, because i have no idea who i am outside of my M/family life.
What amazes me is how she acts like everything is normal regardless of what just happened. I truly believe my wife has exhibited some sociopathic traits which is scary. Even before this entire thing started i dont really recall her showing remorse for anything. Shes definitely a thrill/adventure seeker, very selfish, and doesnt seek forgiveness for anything generally.
Steve,
I have no illusions there is any magic bullet out there. Do i search for more kmowledge about the subject? Absolutely. I realize it is what it is and there isnt anything i can do about it. If everything works out right, Ill be taking some huge steps in being the best me I can be in the next few weeks.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
I have no illusions there is any magic bullet out there. Do i search for more kmowledge about the subject? Absolutely. I realize it is what it is and there isnt anything i can do about it. If everything works out right, Ill be taking some huge steps in being the best me I can be in the next few weeks.
Sounds good. You just seem overly focused on it being an MLC It is like a counselor told me a while back. To you it is a MLC. To your W it is an epiphany. An awakening. It is the best thing that has ever happened to her. She sees no crisis in it whatsoever. From her perspective her thinking has never been clearer. It sometimes helps to think of it from her point of view.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I have no illusions there is any magic bullet out there. Do i search for more kmowledge about the subject? Absolutely. I realize it is what it is and there isnt anything i can do about it. If everything works out right, Ill be taking some huge steps in being the best me I can be in the next few weeks.
Sounds good. You just somtimes seem overly focused on it being an MLC It is like a counselor told me a while back. To you it is a MLC. To your W it is an epiphany. An awakening. It is the best thing that has ever happened to her. She sees no crisis in it whatsoever. From her perspective her thinking has never been clearer. It sometimes helps to think of it from her point of view.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I have no illusions there is any magic bullet out there. Do i search for more kmowledge about the subject? Absolutely. I realize it is what it is and there isnt anything i can do about it. If everything works out right, Ill be taking some huge steps in being the best me I can be in the next few weeks.
Sounds good. You just seem overly focused on it being an MLC It is like a counselor told me a while back. To you it is a MLC. To your W it is an epiphany. An awakening. It is the best thing that has ever happened to her. She sees no crisis in it whatsoever. From her perspective her thinking has never been clearer. It sometimes helps to think of it from her point of view.
WOW! These are exactly the words my W used when this started, almpst word for word. "Awakening" was definitely the term. I wonder if that was her word or counselor fed then?
She definitely thinks its the best thing to have ever happened. She says the last 2 years is the "most fun" shes had in her entire life. Crazy how scripted this entire thing is. You would think there would be better resources out there to deal with this by now. Way too many M's, families, and lives being destroyed.
Last edited by equalzr; 08/07/1803:57 PM.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
That said, when youve been with someone for 20 years, my entire adult life, its a huge hole to fill. As has been said on here before, I have to basically date myswlf now, because i have no idea who i am outside of my M/family life.
This a big problem and probably has a great deal to do with why you are here. You need to do some serious work so this never happens to you again.
That said, when youve been with someone for 20 years, my entire adult life, its a huge hole to fill. As has been said on here before, I have to basically date myswlf now, because i have no idea who i am outside of my M/family life.
This a big problem and probably has a great deal to do with why you are here. You need to do some serious work so this never happens to you again.
Who is E and what makes him awesome?
Yeah, unfortunately i realized this after this situation started. Wish i knew everything i know now years ago.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
