Had to meet my W at her new place last night to do our child exchange. Its now at 5 months since BD and W has preoccupied all of her time doing house projects at her rental. She has thus far painted every room, grouted floors, fixed up the lawn, etc. She asked me yesterday to come see some of the things she had been working on while our son was playing outside in the yard. I tried to keep my interactions brief, but did comment that she had become quite the "MS Handy women". W stared to ask about my job and how I've been doing lately. I just said fine and refocused my attention on my S and pressed for him to gather up his things so we could go.
Last week I had mentioned possibly meeting up for dinner while we do exchange, but hadn't brought up since (As if). W last night seemed to press about possibly having us all go get something to eat but I avoided the topic and just said S & I had plans. W had also got me tickets to see Sam Smith concert for xmas which occurs in a couple of weeks. I asked if she could find them and give them to me as I still plan to go. She asked who I would be taking and then mentioned I take my S. I just said that I would like to go and would consider taking S.
Point is my GAL attempts seem to finally starting to getting W interested. As much as I would like to involve her in any and everything that I have going on, I resist and continue to use DB techniques. I continue to focus on detaching with love, but can't get to the point where I'm fully there.
Can anyone offer suggestions on what worked best for them? The more distant and less interactions I have with her I tend to do well, but the moment I see her I take a few steps back and feel as if I have to climb back up the emotional hill.
Me - 38 W-37 S6 M 10 years T 13yrs BD 3/18 W moves out 4/18 W files 7/18
Per your request, I have moved your thread to the Newcomers Forum.
Last edited by job; 08/04/1808:11 PM. Reason: moved thread to Newcomers
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My Facebook has all sorts of “marriage coaching” or “Save your marriage boot camps” advertising between actual posts. I realize that is likely due to FB’s algorithm but wondered if anyone had talked with any of them. One offered a free consultation and I bit...only to find that it was a pressure sell and asking for a $6k investment on the spot for an 8 week intensive course.
At this point I would do just about anything, but know that DB’ing is the best route. Also know that I can’t say anything to W to change her course towards D. I know that given my circumstances, she needs to go through her own path at her own pace and if that ends up back with me and the MR then great, but if not I need to figure out my journey that will be best for me and my S.
Me - 38 W-37 S6 M 10 years T 13yrs BD 3/18 W moves out 4/18 W files 7/18
One of the rules of conduct that you agreed to when you registered is that you will not post any copyrighted material, photos, videos, book references, or links to other sites, unfortunately, this will also include referencing the "names" of such sites.
The reason for this particular rule of conduct is because this Forum is linked to Michele's professional business, i.e., marriage/relationship counseling and coaching services.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
No problem. I wanted to just remind you and other readers that we have to "censor" names and links if they should happen to show up in threads.
Please do not apologize...it's all good for now.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Man if I was gonna drop that kind of dough I'd try to see MWD.
Anyways, how ya doin EZdozit? Sorry you are here.
Your W sounds crazy and all over the place. She wants this and she wants that. It sounds conflicting, but that's how humans are sometimes. When it's about what toppings on a hot dog, nobody cares, but when it's about marriage, things change bigly. Unfortunately, there's probably not much you can do about it. So try not to worry about it and do something better!
Your GAL sounds great. Your attitude towards your W sounds great too. Not letting her get all in your business is probably a good thing. If she wants to know so much, she should consider changing her situation.
I'm not the best DB'er but I'm OK. Some better advice will follow mine.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Yes wife seems off the reservation to me...but then seems and acts like all is good to her family, mutual friends, etc. It does get maddening at times where I think how the heck did we get to this spot, but I know if my mind stays there for any length of time, it will drive me crazy. So I redirect focus back onto me and continue my path. (But how I wish she would entertain hearing someone that doesn’t have a biased view of our sitch...yes still not fully detached)
Did your S trying to reach out to your side of the fence at any point? W reached out to SIL last week and talked extensively about our MR and tried to get justification for her actions, or it was presented to me that way. My SIL has been a positive support through my journey and always appreciate her viewpoint from a female perspective. But now as it’s progressed to 5 months, I know I can’t keep leaning on there support or any of our mutual friends as I know this can be exhausting to them and I won’t subject them to take sides.
I remain optimistic and have resolve, but know those 2 things can equate to expectations, which I know I can’t have to be be outcome independent.
Me - 38 W-37 S6 M 10 years T 13yrs BD 3/18 W moves out 4/18 W files 7/18
